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What now? (was: my bc died)


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I need some advice. Some people are telling me we should get another dog right away to help us get over Pappy's death. My son (10) is so torn up, he is crying all the time. But he says he doesn't want another dog. Should we wait awhile and see? I miss having a dog so much, but I miss Pappy--- not just a dog. Part of me wants to call the breeder we got Pappy from and get another pup, but maybe this would be a mistake so soon after?? Any advice you can give would be helpful. Pappy was the first dog we've had as a family, so we don't have much experience with this.

 

Also, thanks so much for the outpouring of kind words and thought!! You all are so kind and it has really helped me though the past few days.

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Honor Pappy by rescuing a young adult dog that doesn't have a loving caring family. You will find that a rescue is so appreciative and bond very quickly. Take your time and meet all the prospects you can.

 

My son lost a dear old cat that never left his side at about that age. Ryan said he never wanted another. Two weeks later he came home with a lost kitten and she is now 12 years old and never leaves his side.

 

It may take time but your son will come around and find a new buddy, he may not be Pappy but he will fill the void some.

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You know this is a hard one...but since Pappy's death was so sudden, and so recent, I think I'd be inclined to give yourself (and the kids) a bit of breathing room. As well, you need to realize that there will never be another dog like Pappy....they are all unique. Your son may be thinking it would be a sign that he didn't love Pappy if he gets another dog..and that's a common feeling.

In case you didn't know, there are many, many good sites when you or your family are dealing with the death of a pet that can be very helpful. You might want to check some of those.

I think you will know when the right time comes to bring another dog into your family.

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First off, I am sorry for your sudden loss. Whatever you decide to do I personally would not go back to the same breeder. It is a natural reaction not to want to replace what has been lost. If you decide to get another dog why not consider rescue? It may help your son to heal to give to a dog in need of a loving home. Whenever I have lost pets, I go out and find another in need of a home. Why? Because I can and there are so many in need. Secondly, my other pets become depressed when one goes to the rainbow bridge. Best of Luck in whatever you decide.

Toni

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It may seem disrespectful to think of getting another so soon...but I have learned from my own experience when I had my 11 yr old mixed breed girl put down last May, that sometimes it is the best thing to learn to love again. And our dogs- themselves being so giving- I'm sure wouldn't want it an other way.

 

When you are ready, I say go for it. Rescue a dog. I bet that there is someone special out there, in a canine body, that is just waiting for your hearts.

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PS

All my dogs except these two pups I have now, have been rescues, and they were all the best dogs anyone could ask for. And it made me so happy to be able to help their hearts heal. Just wanted to add that. :rolleyes:

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In a couple weeks you could take regular trips with your son to a rescue. You'll know when the time is right because you'll fall in love with another and there won't be any doubt.

 

Right now he needs time to mourn. It's healthy to hurt. It may not be a wonderful feeling but it tells us we're alive and we care, we're human. Feeling sorrow is a part of living.

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When we have lost a dog, we have always replaced it within a relatively short period of time, taking time to find the right one. That is right for us; it does not necessarily mean it is right for you. With that said, I would also note that we have always had at least two dogs, which reduced the urgency (but not the need) a bit. I cannot imagine our home without any dog; in such circumstances, we would probably have been out checking shelters and rescues the next day. It is NOT a sign of disrespect for your beloved pet, but rather a tribute to your pet that you have so much love in your heart that you want to share it. Please read my post below entitled "Food For Thought"; perhaps this will help you understand my point.

 

With all that said, be sensitive to the right time; this is perhaps the most important element.

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I think you both will know when the time is right. If your son is saying he doesn't want another dog right now, give him a bit of time to mourn the loss of your Pappy.

 

There will never be another Pappy - but there will be another dog, someday, who needs you.

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If your son says he is not ready, he is not ready. Don't rush him. Grieving is part of life, and if you rush him through it he won't learn how to do it properly, which will lead to untold damage down the line. Ignoring him and replacing the pup right away will teach him that you aren't listening, that you don't care about his process or that you think you know what is in his heart better than he does, which would lead him either to resent you, question his own judgement, or both. (NOTE: I'm not saying that YOU think you know better than he does how he feels, or that you're not listening, etc - I'm saying that ignoring his wishes will make HIM think that.)

 

Also, preplacing the pup before he's had time to grieve may mean he either resnts or will not bond with the new pup - who, after all, is innocent of all wrongdoing and deserves to be loved and bonded with freely, without baggage - and may teach him that you don't face up to and process your pain, you just "get another one" - be it a new dog, a new friend, or a new spouse.

 

It's better not to make a big decision while under duress - which right now you are - so I'd wait til you are feeling calmer and more peaceful anyway; all the more so because of how your son is responding. You may be ready before he is, and it must be dreadfully hard to see your child in this kind of distress, but this is an opportunity to help him learn the difficult but necessary process of grieving. As a BTW, if you feel over your head on this there are pet-loss support groups and some of them have people who specialize in helping children with this. I believe UC Davis has a pet loss hotline that you can call for free - they used to, at any rate.

 

Anyway, I'm on my way to work so this might be a bit rushed and maybe less diplomatic than I'd usually be, but I'm pressed for time. Best of luck with this, and let us know how it goes.

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We lost a beloved family dog last August after having him 14 years. I don't remember ever having cried so much (although it was not unexpected).

 

We had decided we would wait until this spring to start looking for another dog, but after just a few weeks, we felt the lack of having a dog around too keenly.

 

I do think, however, that you need a little bit of time to grieve for the loss of Pappy before making a quick decision to get another. My (then) 12 year old son was not ready emotionally to take on another pet right at that time. We did start looking around after a month or so and in October we adopted a young pup from a BC rescue. We were ready and have thoroughly enjoyed our Allie. She is not a "replacement" for our previous dog -- she is a new addition.

 

I would highly recommend that unless you are intending to work a new dog, you consider adopting one from a rescue. I know you've seen it posted here numerous times, but many wonderful dogs come into rescue. Also, because you don't have a complete picture as to what caused Pappy's death, you can't rule out congenital issues. Not to cast any aspirations on the breeder, but perhaps buying another dog from the same breeder isn't in your best interests.

 

I wish you and your family the best in dealing with Pappy's untimely death.

 

Regards,

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Everyone needs time to grieve, some just take longer than others. I lost 4 within a years time. I never got numb to the pain.

 

You'll know when you're ready. I'd go the route of a rescue. You're hurting, yes, but remember this. Somewhere out there is a rescue dog who is desperate to be part of a family as well.

 

I think you can pay no greater honor to Pappy than bringing home a dog whose would be complete with a family like yours.

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Only you and your family can decide when or if to get another dog. Grieving is a personal issue, no one way is right or wrong... it is your own personal pain. Everyone handles grief differently and that is ok.

I strongly agree with rescue. Whether a pup or an older dog, whether breed rescue or animal shelter... you decide.

It's hard when one person in a family is ready and another is not, so my experience is trying to meet it half way at the very least, and the best way to do that is talk, talk, and talk some more, about feelings, questions etc. Try to steer Pappy conversations to the happy times. Sometimes remembering the silly things he did that made you laugh, really helps healing. "They say", laughter is the best medicine... I still cry and laugh at the same time when I think and talk about my fur babies that have crossed the rainbow bridge.

What ever and when ever you make a decision, you will know when the time is right, and that sweet little critter who will be sharing his or her life with your family, will just POP UP! and bam... you will know

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I think we will wait awhile and see how my son is doing later on in the summer. He really enjoys having a dog to play with and think he will be lonely for a dog especially when school is out. I would love to go the rescue route, in fact I tried to look into that before we got Pappy. As far as I can tell, there aren't any BC Rescues in Iowa or within a few hundred miles. I used petfinder.org to look for dogs in area shelters as well, but if there was ever a bc mix listed it seemed to get adopted immediately. They seem to be pretty popular. Anyway, we will take our time & do what feels right. Thanks for all of the imput, I appreciate it!! Am feeling a bit better today, my eyes aren't quite as crusted over as yesterday.

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you will know when the time is right, and it could be next week, it could be next year, it could be longer. no one knows how long it will take, it is different for everyone and different with every loss.

when i lost guzzi my lab i had been expecting it and when he had been helped to the bridge i lasted a grand total of 4 days before finding tikki, and the weeks wait to bring him home seemed like an eternity!

when i lost molly suddenly i waited several months before looking for another dog, then looked at several litters, enquired about several free ads dogs. none of the pups called out to me, all the free ad dogs had gone. i guess it wasnt the right time for me. then in september a shepherd friend of mine said he had a pup who he thought would suit me down to the ground, my friend and i went to meet her and brighid came home with us.

some things just happen, and sometimes the more you try to find the right one, the harder it becomes. i had all but given up on finding another dog and then suddenly along she came.

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Hi again...when you're ready, don't forget to check the "Rescue Resources/dogs for adoption" section on these boards. There is a database of people willing to transport from various places so if you happened to find a 'fit' there may be a way of transporting a dog closer to you. And, far too often, there are absolutely beautiful dogs just waiting for a good forever home.

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Hey, if you were to die suddenly tomorrow, you know that your family would really be broken up and miss you. But would you expect your husband to go back to where he met you, that week, to get a replacement?

 

What I'd worry about would be that, by going back to the same breeder and getting another puppy, you'd teach your son that loved ones are easily replaced. And that cheapens the love.

 

Sure, I'd hope that my husband loves me so much that he would miss having me around. And, in a year or three, he might remarry. But someone my age - not some cute young blond! For that, I'd come back and haunt him mercilessly!

 

So, give your son time to grieve and reflect on all that he loved about Pappy. Then see about finding a dog about Pappy's age - and one who needs your son about as much as your son will need the dog.

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First of all, I want to say I am so sorry for your loss.

 

We lost our beloved BC/GS cross in January of this year. I thought my heart would physically break in two. My boys, ages 13, 16 and 20, and my dh were also devastated. We first thought that we needed to wait to get another dog, but as stated by Allie, the emptiness was just too great and within a few weeks, we started out slowly just "seeing what was out there". Within 3 days we had found a puppy that we knew must be ours. It just felt right. Turns out, unbeknownst to us at the time, she was born on the day our dog that passed got sick. We had to wait a few weeks to get the new pup and that allowed my boys to mourn our dog that passed, Hershey, but look forward to getting the new one. By the time we brought our pup home, the boys could hardly stand the wait! In addition, we named her "Kailyn" which has a scottish meaning of "meadow" which is a family tribute to Hershey, being at the bridge, running in the meadow. We still mourn Hershey and we always will, it still hurts every single day, but we also are so incredibly happy with Kailyn, it makes the mourning a little easier. That being said, our family was also in a position to bring home a new puppy, with me home during the day and the entire family in and out constantly.

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When you are ready, I believe Midwest BC Rescue adopts to Iowa http://www.mwbcr.org/upforadoption.htm Also the Wisconsin BC Rescue http://www.wibordercollierescue.com/adoptapp.html Also, check www.bcrescue.org There are lots of dogs posted there available for adoption and many people willing to help transport.

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charlestonchick,

 

I lost my BC suddenly as well back in Feb. She was fine when I went to bed. When I got up for work the next morning she was gone. I never wept like that. I was paralized, slumped over her, in shock.

 

That whole day (had to work)i thought i never wanted to go through this pain again. I swore i'd never get another dog. At lunch I got to bury her, again my heart broke. I've never felt so lost, so alone.

 

That night I went home to a house, empty, cold, and without my beloved Foo. These walls nolonger felt like my home, it became a place where Foo should be. By the time I was finally able to close my eyes and sleep, i knew i needed another dog.

 

In a local ad paper I saw the only BC ad, called and he had one left, a male. I didn't want a male, I've always had female dogs. But i went to see him anyways. After 5 minutes of watching his mother (she was so sweet and smart), and feeling pity for his father. (He was on the small farn next-door, chained up, only allowed off while herding)I bought him on the spot.

 

Home came Zag(zilla)! It was hard to think about the hurt my heart felt, watching a 10 week pup chase his tail. I would still have moments of uncontrollable tears (still do) but I knew i had to raise this new pup.

 

I cannot explain how much Zag has helped me heal. He is a stinker and a half! I cannot help but smile when i see him. He is nothing like Foo, but he has filled part of the hole in my life.

 

Matter o' factly I just adopted a 10 month old rescue 2 weeks ago. She is such a sweet girl, i love her dearly. I know! 2 BC pups i must be a few fries short of a happy meal! The feeling of pride i have for taking in a rescue is something else. Never will she have to worry about finding a home, she is home!

 

Ack! Sorry this is so long!! You and your family are in my thoughts. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

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Maybe I missed something, but I would be worried about going back to the same breeder, what if the cause of death is something congenital that might be a part of that breeder's lineage???

 

I would advise waiting a little while, encouraging your son to talk and talk, have a memorial service, draw pictures of the dog, etc., whatever your son feels would be appropriate (don't push things he isn't comfortable with) and then slowly involve him in the search for another dog.

 

From experience I will tell you, it is really difficult to choose a dog with a clear head when you are still grieving so heavily the loss of your family's friend. Those desperate feelings could cause you to make a big mistake in the next dog you choose.

 

I would DEFINITELY go rescue and maybe (heresy on these boards, sorry) not be so limited about the breed you want. Maybe look at petfinder.com and see if you can find a personality similar to the dog you loved so much? Your beloved dog may have a "twin" who looks nothing like him. Our beloved Scout reminds us very much of our departed beloved Margot. They are completely different breeds, look nothing alike, but facial expressions and mannerisms will remind us so much of her we feel like she is back with us sometimes. Then he will promptly do something all his own.

 

Your son will be able to love another dog, but it might take him longer than it will take you and you would be a kind and sensitive parent to be able to contol your feelings enough to respect that.

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Tammy brings up a good point. Although excruciatingly painful at the time, we had Kamp cremated and had the remains put in a lovely hand-tooled cedar box with his name and dates on it. We all wept when we got the box a few weeks later, but it was also very reassuring and it enabled us to be able to speak with our son about death and work through his anxieties and feelings.

 

I guess some people might find it a little morbid, but we keep that cedar box on the mantle with Kamp's collar on top of it. I was finally able to have a lovely 5 x 7 print of Kamp made up a few weeks ago. I think that doing these small gestures of remembrance helped my son (and my hubby and I) get through the difficult times.

 

This spring we also went and picked out a beautiful small flowering tree which we planted in our yard in Kamp's memory.

 

I think that the old adage that "time is a great healer" is pretty true. Involving your son now in a memorial service or some other small token of remembrance will be beneficial to everyone. (Don't be too worried if your son doesn't appear to get too involved in the process -- he is still watching and is dealing with things in his own way.)

 

Regards,

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I am sorry for your loss. I have cryed with you while reading these posts.

 

I think you should wait, and I will tell you why. My sister had her ACD Pepper tied in the back of the pickup with Pete her border collie. Pepper chewed through the leash she was tied in with, and in the driveway of her home Pepper fell out of the back of the truck and landed in front of the tire. My sister never had time to stop and ran her over. It was awful.........

She went out the next day and adopted a dog from the pound. This is a dog that she now hates(maybe not hate, but strongly dislikes). They spend no time with this poor annoying dog. Had she waited she would not have made such a rushed decision on adopting that dog.

 

Time helps sooth the wounds, take time. It takes along time for that raw ache to go away. Maybe it would help you and your son if you and him make a scrap book of your time with your dog, expect tears and laughter but when you are done you will have something really special and it may help you let go.

 

Good luck. And once again I am very sorry for your loss.

 

Tracy

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When I was younger we had an alsation and he died of old age.

 

Mum never let us get another dog for at least a year or 2, and looking back it did give that breathe of fresh air to help get over Sabre.

 

Everyone is different though, I'd go with the majority decision in your home.

 

Very sorry to hear your sad news.

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