HELP! I've reached a cracking point

[PDing]

First, I have to start with an apology with what I have done and there's no excuse for it. I realized I have reached the cracking point between my BC and I. I can very well not admit to what had happened and not get flamed for what I have done, but rather I want to come clean and admit the mistake I have made.

 

A quick summary of how it all started:

 

Back in June while rushing to pick up Polo I sprained and completely tore two ligaments in my ankle. Since then I have been in and out of rehab, being in a cast and about 3 weeks ago had surgery done to my ankle. During most of the time between the accident and now I am mostly in a cast and crutches. I've started threads asking how to keep my pup happy during the healing process. I have tried to stick to the suggestion the best I can, but it seems the relationship between Polo and I were deteriorating and I have finally reached the cracking point this evening.

 

I have been very frustrated and depressed with the whole injury situation (and I may not be able to run again) and Polo's adolescence only added to the frustration. I have tried to keep Polo's day to day as busy as I can. He either goes to the day care, spend the day with my coworker's wife and on occasion, stay at home during the day. I play fetch with him and train him daily. Polo doesn't seem to have the drive for learning, but was still able to pick up new tricks. The days I had surgery and on occasion afterwards, coworkers and friends have taken Polo out for long walks. The problem I kept on sensing is that Polo is building a better relationship with others and the relationship between me and him is falling apart. When others are around almost none of my recalls worked and it was getting to a point where it was pointless to say something that it wasn't going to work.

 

What also made things worse is that none of my coworkers and friends are willing to correct Polo for undesired behavior such as jumping on people, nipping when excited, chewing on sticks. They think its fine and the fact that it's not their dog, they shouldn't correct the dog, despite my request to make proper adjustment if these things occur. So to the dog I'm the bad guy because I grab his front paw when he jumps on people, gives him time out for nipping and taking sticks away from him.

 

Few days ago I had a massive panic attack and tore apart the cast that I had on. It is properly the first sign that I had reached my limit with all the stress I am going through.

 

This evening while playing fetch with Polo in the back yard, he suddenly ran out to the street to greet my neighbor's dog, which is fine to a certain extent (less the running away part). It took me awhile to get to him on my crutches to get him back. He was very very reluctant to come back home with me and the neighbor's dog wasn't interested in playing with him. I didn't have his leash with me while playing fetch so I had to grab him and try to get back to my apartment on my crutches. Polo and I reached the door and as I open the door, Polo turns around and bolts away from me. This shocked me and I was worried that he was going to get hurt because he doesn't have any fear toward anything (other than a vacuum). I make my way to my car and picked him up in my car. At this point I am upset about what has happened.

 

Later in the evening during another session playing fetch, my other neighbor stopped by with her BC Zoey. The two pups spent about an hour just chasing one another and seemed to have a ton of fun. When the session ended, by the door of my apartment, Polo again bolts away from me and chased after Zoey for two blocks. Thankfully Zoey's owner grabbed him while I make my way to get him. Polo has never bolted away from me before and having this happen twice during the same night was surprising. Other dogs have walked by when he played fetch and he didn't chase after them. At this point I am very upset and I spanked him twice. I know spanking dog is not acceptable, I was so frustrated at that moment. He didn't yelp, but jumped in surprise. Since then he refused to go back home.

 

Between then till when I went to bed, Polo and I went through some training inside the apartment. He did the tricks he knows very well and everything seems to have recovered somewhat, even recalls.

 

3:30am (an hour ago), while I was sleeping I hear him whine in his crate. So I got up to put some clothes on to let him out for potty (he went at 1am). As I'm putting warmer clothes on I hear him go inside his crate. He had an upset tummy and had diarreha in his crate. I wasn't upset because I can't fault him for having an upset stomach, I just didn't get changed and reach him fast enough. The last mistake I made was to let him out without a leash. He sat and waited for me about 20 feet from the apartment while I cleaned up the mess in his crate. Once everything was all cleaned up, Polo looks at me and bolts away again. Polo had ran to Zoey's house and started barking (Zoey lives two blocks away). At this point I am completely frustrated and angry, however I remember not to take my frustration on the dog. Polo did respond to my recall when I tried to get him at Zoey's. I picked up Polo in my car and drove him home. Again, Polo absolutely refused to go home, so I had to tug on the leash to get him in. Once inside I gave him a quick bath to clean up some of the poop that was on him.

 

Since then he's been in his crate while I finish up the carpet. I am so sad that Polo's relationship with me have decayed so quickly between the morning and now. He behaved so well in the morning and I have really no idea what happened between the morning and evening. I am about to cry because of the whole situation, if there was a sign that was wrong, I didn't see it. Polo was behaving well since the injury I had, only showing occasional rebellion time to time and the past 3 weeks he did really good, especially the days after surgery. I fear since I spanked him, he won't listen to or trust me. I am about to throw in the towel. There's really not much I can do to make him happy. I send him to doggy daycare, my workers baby sit him, I try to keep him busy while I'm at home and yet all these isn't enough for him. I sacrificed a sports car and my weekends to be with him and it seems that he doesn't like me. I don't expect a dog to understand what it takes to keep him happy, but at least show love to the person who feeds him. I've asked my friends and coworkers to take him while I recover from the injury, while they don't mind taking care of him on occasion, they don't want to have a dog. I tried the advice given, but Polo still seems to want to have fun to the point where if I have to call it a day for him, he immediately rebels against me. I am at a total loss, I'm sad and frustrated with what's going on, especially tonight. I love Polo and I have tried my best to keep him busy, but he doesn't seem to be satisfied with all the time I'm spending with him. I know I have issues with all the frustration that's building up inside me since June. As much as I want to keep him, I think it may be best if I send him back to the shelter.

[kelpiegirl]

First- hugs to you for your ankle problems. That is very hard to deal with- but, as my mother would say "this too shall pass". As I read your story, I began to think, perhaps polo's stomach was upset all day, and that is why he didn't want to go in the house? How old is Polo? Anyway, even people with two GOOD legs, and time have misbehaved dogs You spanked him and you feel bad. He was probably confused, but it's over now. Get some rest, and start new. Don't get upset about your friends not keeping up with the discipline, rather give them something to do- so tell them when he starts to get jumpy- tell them to ask for a sit, and give him a treat. Tell them to have a toy with them so he can have something appropriate to nosh on. One time my Boxer, who is SOOO well behaved got out the front door. I called him, and it was is if he waved "bye bye" to me and ran faster- he thought it was a game. So, Polo sounds like a lot of other pups. One thing that would be really good, is if you could have a trolley that goes to your door, so that when he had to go out- he could, and would stay in the yard. One other thing. I had lumbar fusion surgery back in 01. I had three dogs then. I wasn't able to do a lot for many weeks- so I got my youngest playing frisbee. It wasn't optimal, but as John Lennon said "Life is what happens while you are making other plans". It sounds like you need some rest, and to NOT worry about what the future does or doesn't hold- remember what John said.

 

By all means, please keep talking- it is important to get it out- and know that people are here to support you.

[MaggieDog]

We all have days where our dogs drive us nuts and things don't go as planned. I would say that, yes your relationship may not be at its best, but there are likely more mundane explanations for the behavior you are seeing. How long have you had Polo? There is a 3 month period after adoption, "the honeymoon period" and after that expires, you often see more negative behaviors surface. Adding to that is adolescence and all those challenges and you have a nice mess on your hands.

 

Is there any way to enroll in an obedience class or take lessons, even while on crutches? Classes will give you more tools to use, improve the behaviors, and strengthen your bond all while showing you you're not alone with a crazy dog.

 

Good Luck!

[flrpwr52]

Sorry you are going through such a hard time right now but it happens and it does pass. It seems like it all starts to click at once and the owner and the dog come together as one. It takes time and if Polo is still young I'm sure this is a big part of the problem

 

I wouldn't open the door if Polo didn't have a leash on and I wouldn't let him play with Zoey without a long line on. Couldn't you ask Zoey's owner to help you get Polo in the house where he is safe before they leave?

 

There are a lot of things you can do to keep Polo safe on a long line. Play fetch, Frisbee, heal, come, etc. Remember treats are you best friend when teaching a dog new tricks or commands. You can even keep a leash on him in the house to keep him from bolting out the door.

 

I know it's hard and your frustrated but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. While in the house on a leash you can work on his sit/stays, down/stays, teach him shake etc. A few minutes of brain work can tire out a young dog in no time.

 

I wish you all the luck and like kelpiegirl said, keep talking, it will help with the frustration on those hard days.

[painted_ponies]

Polo is around 7 or 8 months old, right? I don't know about others, but there were times when Faith was that age that I almost felt like giving up on her. And I was able-bodied at the time. Now that she's a year old, I wouldn't trade her for anything. I bet if you hang in there with Polo things will improve. Adolescent BC pups are just pains in the a$$. That's all there is to it.

 

However, you must stop letting Polo run around loose until his recall is 100%. Keep him on lead all the time. If he's too strong for you on lead, then you'll have to get someone else to walk him or provide him with a fenced area. Letting him bolt away from you is 1) dangerous and is likely to get him killed and 2) self-reinforcing, because every time he bolts away he is rewarded by having a nice run and chase game.

 

He will not be better off if you take him back to the shelter. Shelters are full of adolescent BCs. If it's a kill shelter, he will more than likely be euthanized. If it's not, he still runs the risk of disease and/or developing a temperament problem that will make him un-adoptable. If you really decide he's too much for you, please get him into a rescue/foster home situation.

[bexie]

You have several options and how you deal with it is really up to you. No one is going to hate you if you decide to rehome Polo and start over with a BC at a different time in your life. I'm not trying to say this is the best choice for you, but it is an option. If you do decide to do it, you should find a reputable rescue and give them a contribution to help them support Polo until they are able to rehome him. Then you can go back to the same rescue a time in the future when you are better able to handle it. But think about it first.

 

You have a yard. What about getting a line run from up high near your door to somewhere at the other end of your yard. Then you can put Polo on a line on it when he needs a potty break and let him out into the yard. He is secure, but still able to run around. You can out into the yard with him and work with him. In an emergency, like at night when he is in a hurry, you can put him on it and let him out into the yard while you get warmer clothes on and he can stay on it while you clean up his crate.

 

You can also just use a really long leash. One that gives him lots of space to play and a distance for practicing recalls but doesn't let him actually get away from you. It might tangle more in your crutches though. We use a long piece of rope with a couple knots on it and a dog clip on both ends. One end clips to Molly. The other end we can put around us and adjust the length by clipping at the different knots. Or we can put the rope around somehting and clip to attach her to something. We can also just clip the dog clip on the end to the ring on a stake or something.

 

Like the others say, mental exercise is exhausting. Polo needs lots of mental exercise and to get more bonding time with you. He should do fine with you for several hours at a time. Give him mental stimulation. Send him out on the long line or whatever for potty breaks. If he needs a quiet time, just crate him for a nap for a few hours and keep the crate near you.

 

The appearance of Polo choosing others may be like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum and saying to a parent "I hate you" or "you're mean" when given a few rules and saying they'd rather go live with some aunt or alone or something. But the little kid really loves his parents and wouldn't want to be without them. He may think the others are more fun, but really he feels safest with the discipline. So although Polo thinks it is cool to hang out here and there and runs off, he wouldn't be there long before he'd miss you and he really is best off with you and with the rules that let him know where he belongs in things. My guess is that he probably would do better with more time with you and less physical exercise.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck. It's a hard decision, but I really think that you can do just fine by Polo. It is very stressful to be a good owner for an animal. Is there any reason you can't keep Polo at home more and makes his days quieter with less physical exercise and more mental exercise?

 

Maybe something like one day at day care a week and a few play dates with Zoey a week? And like someone suggested, have Zoey's owner help make sure Polo is secure on the leash or in the house before they go. The rest of the time, keep Polo on the long line when he is out. He can play a LOT on a long line and you can throw a ball or something for him from a chair outside.

 

Just a few thoughts to help you cope.

bex

[PSmitty]

Ditto *everything* Sally just said! Adding to it, I'll say don't beat yourself up. You lost your temper, it happens. You won't let it happen again, and Polo will forgive you. Move on from here.

[Woodenlion]

Cocoa was about 9 months when I brought her home from the shelter. I was reduced to tears frequently as I did not have any experience with border collies. It was tough going until I found this site. I used peanut butter filled Kongs daily. Training every moment I could and crate time if that is what is required. Cocoa still has a rebellious streak but I have learned to be firm, not to ever chase her if she gets out, and to be very patient and consistent. I don't know if this will work for you but when Cocoa would bolt out the door I went calmly to my car opened the door and called for her to come for a ride. It worked like a charm. Calm is the key. It has been ages since she bolted but I know she would now head for the car as she loves to go for rides. When I hurt my knee and couldn't walk the hills in my neighborhood I would load the dogs in the car and take them for rides. I learned it is the stimulation and quality of time spent that matters most. Good Luck and Be Patient.

 

Toni

[PDing]

I haven't slept since the incident and I'm still very upset about it. He did warm up to me this morning when I let him out of his crate with he's still very reluctant about coming to me. His recall has gotten better, but not at 80-90% like before. I decided to hand feed him this morning to reestablish the bond a little. When I left for work he was crying very loudly and kept on putting his paw on the crate door. I called up my coworker's wife and asked her if she can take care of him today and she agreed. I've setup a time this evening where a potential adopter may take him and the couple said they'll take him off my hands for a few days to let me calm down and think over it.

 

I've had Polo for 5 months now. There's no obedience class from now to end of December (at least the one I've been using for 3 classes). He's signed up for agility and flyball in January (so far).

 

Aside from the event last night, that morning he was good off-lead in the yard and his recall was good. Then last night it suddenly went to the crapper. In the middle of playing fetch its as if he just suddenly shut-off and went on whatever he felt like.

 

Polo won't run off when the door is open, its that he refuse to come inside the house, with or without a lead.

 

I've asked the coworker to correct him if he jumps on people (they failed immediately right after I told him, they hugged him when he jumped on them). I also found out they like to play chase with him (people chasing the dog), which is a huge setback to Polo's problem.

 

Polo is still having the upset stomach, but he was fine the first time we were out last night (he goes potty as soon as I get home).

 

I live alone and really don't have anyone else to help out other than the few people I know.

[PSmitty]

Well, you do what you think is best, but please, please carefully screen any potential adoptors.

 

Personally, I think the two of you might be fine, if you can get through your injury and his adolescence. He's at the age where he's testing boundaries, which is why he suddenly forgot what "come" means. And why he doesn't want to come inside, when he thinks he should be allowed to stay out and play. It's not that he dislikes you, or even that you don't have a bond. He's being a bratty teenager.

 

Best of luck to you both.

[Patty Abel]

It's so terrible that you are going through such a hard time. Teenage border collies are a challenge for even the most active pet owner. There is good advice already given. Please take care of yourself. I had a difficult dog one time that had me tied up in knots. I feel for you.

[G. Festerling]

If it is just your frustration speaking then disregard some of the stuff I am about to say. Just ignore it.

 

He is a pup. You are not as much fun at this moment as he thinks you should be. It is normal. Like already mentioned before, do not let him of leash. Why he does it is important but the more often he does it and gets away with it, it reinforces it. All the other advice offered is also great and I won't repeat it.

 

I would much rather talk more to your attitude towards him.

What kind of training to you do with him? Is it positive training like clicker? 101 things to do with a box?

Does he like food? Do you make him understand that he needs to maybe sit quietly before he eats? Maybe feed him out of your hand?

What is your attitude towards training? Is it to explore, have fun, enjoy and learn or is it to make sure he never does anything wrong? (I am overexagerating just a bit!) You can tell by what phrase most comes out of your mouth. If it is "good boy, how cool, nice" or is it "bad dog, no, don't like it" and so on.

Again as a pup he will want fun, not constant nagging. And yes, when they are jumping, pulling, chewing and acting overall obstinant it is hard to keep that up. Again, he needs discipline and order as well. The balance can be tough. But instead of looking at it as something negative look at it for the fun challange it is. And frustration is part of it. I can almost guarantee you that he is frustrated at times too!

 

Now to the part that you need to ignore if you are just venting.

I understand your dilemma. But it really bothers me that you use phrases like "sacrifice" a sports car for him. "Sacrifice" free weekends with him. It almost sounds like you even blame him for your injury. That in itself sets a negative tone for the little guy. Add that with the fact that he is a pup, that he is probably going through the ignorant stage where he will try stuff (they all do) and your overall frustration - I don't know that I would think you as a lot of fun to be around right now. And I am sure you are a fun guy!

It bothers me greatly that you would bail on him that fast just because he "likes" someone else better. And mention the pound on top of that!

[Lenajo]

Aside from the event last night, that morning he was good off-lead in the yard and his recall was good. Then last night it suddenly went to the crapper. In the middle of playing fetch its as if he just suddenly shut-off and went on whatever he felt like.

 

Welcome to living with a teenager. You've let him have the car keys to play with since he was a toddler, and now suddenly he's discovered what he can do with them and the car Time to take the keys back.

 

The key to a pup this age is to manage him even more than train him. Set him up to win each and every time. Block any possibilites of the wrong choices. Leashes, long lines, fences, crates.....

 

If you make a big deal out of something, like him no going in the door, he will too. Put the leash on before you go to the door and just go in. Don't ask and don't look for problems.

 

Of course he is going "like" his permissive baby sitters and dog friends more than you. It's normal. Stop worrying about "like" and "bond". Adult relationships are earned. Any normal human being can have a bond with a child or a puppy, or be a buddy to somebody else's child or puppy. When those little ones grow up its a different story, when you are getting them to brush their teeth and sit still for dentist or vet it's a different story.. Stop trying to be his friend and start being his leader. You will be friends later once the kinks are worked out by a year of growing up.

 

The fact that you tore your cast off in panic attack concerns me greatly. You need to seek some mental and emotional support from a medical provider ASAP.

 

An adolescent pup returning to the pound would be a death sentence. Contact some rescue groups if you think this may be an option. Also, they might be able to offer temporary foster given your situation. You never know unless you ask.

[flrpwr52]

In My Opinion Only, everytime you let him outside without a leash on you are setting him up to fail. Why give him the chance to not obey you?

 

If you want to turn this around you can, and again, In My Opinion Only, this can be done in a short time. You have to want to do it.

 

I know you are depressed about your injury and the whole situation with Polo at this time but think about it before you give him up. You wanted him at one time and now because things aren't perfect well, you know. You can change this.

[PSmitty]

Excellent post, Lenajo.

[Sasha's Mom]

I don't have a lot to add, other than support. I considered rehoming Sasha several times... she drove me crazy! But we got through it - somehow. Like the others, this is a tough age to deal with.

 

Hugs,

Danielle

[haleigh]

This will pass. Joy was like that about 4 months ago. it passed. We didn't have a good relationship either, and her honey moon period was well expired. I was considering giving her up, but I just have to suggest waiting it out for a couple more months. Trying to get through this with Joy was absolute hell, and I can't imagine it on crutches.

 

This is the time where dogs start to mature mentally, and are figuring out the flaws in your leadership. They WILL test boundaries. They WILL make you want to wring their necks. Oh? I'm off leash, and mom can't catch me quikc enough? See ya! No matter what happens, you need to still be holding on and refuse to back down. Start strict NILIF. If he wants pets, he has sit. Sit before going outside. He has to work for his food-NO MORE FREE FOOD. Not even treats. Make him paw or twist for that milk bone. This will help establish leadership. Just keep your cool, and think VERY hardly before you act.

 

Hugs!

Haleigh

[Dixie_Girl]

I too, cannot add anything advice wise. But was wondering where you live? There may be some resources and options close to you.

[ShoresDog]

Oh, the young border collie and the owner in an ankle boot using crutches!! Been there, done that! My ankle injury wasn't as bad as yours, but I do feel your pain. I'd just gotten 12 months old Daisy, a rescue with no training, and my husband was overseas. I'd had no experience of dogs, let alone border collies! She seemed NEVER to stop, the activity was constant. I remember one time when she darted away from me, toward a street, with that evil little "Let's play some tag! Catch me if you can!" look in her eyes, I was so frustrated that the thought "Well, OK, run off... so have a good life" passed through my brain. That was a wake-up call.

 

Partly our problem solved itself as the "teenage years" were passed. For border collies, I think this may mean getting past about age 2. But mainly, what I needed to teach Daisy was how to settle down and be quiet. We certainly benefited by going to obedience classes, getting her regular exercise, teaching her lots of games, etc. But accustoming her to having quiet times where she had, for example, a filled Kong toy to work on, and I was there for company but not for games, was the key to a nicer relationship for us. It is as Lenajo said, I needed to be the leader and dictate when, where, and for how long playtime happened, when she came and went, etc. That meant a simpler and more structured relationship, with no pestering allowed, and it sure was better. Again, as Lenajo said, setting things up so that the dog does right and gets good feedback most of the time is best for the dog. It's also best for the person, since it's so much less stressful! I felt bad about leaving Daisy when I was at work and had tended to think that she needed the exercise and play so much, and she did, but she needed the structure and discipline more, even at the sacrifice of some play and exercise time.

 

I do hope you can work this out with Polo. Please come back often for support, sympathy, and suggestions! If you don't feel that you can continue with him, he seems like a smart and lovable pup, and someone else may be in a better spot to have him. Do be careful about potential adopters coming to your home, etc., and consider getting him into a good rescue. I believe most border collies do very poorly in a shelter environment, becoming nervous and/or shut down, and ending up likely to be killed.

 

I looked back at the original pictures of Polo, and Mary was oh so right!

 

Now, hold onto those pictures. In 6 months, when he has decided that it's his job to test your sanity, you're going to need to take those pictures out to try to remind yourself that he was once a sweet and cute puppy.

[Pearse]

Don't know if this will help, but as a purely practical aid to you while you are on crutches: Get a short "leash" made with a clip on both ends so that you can clip the dog to one end and the other end to your belt. That way, while you are on crutches, you have both hands free for going in and out of doors etc... You can modify a regular leash by using one of those carabiner-style key chains through the leash handle.

 

 

I had a young dog take off on me at midnight on my way to a trial when we stopped for a rest break because I had dog bowls in one hand and was trying to get the car keys with the other. I found him after an anxious half hour, but for a good while after that, he never went out of the car without being attached to me in some way that my clumsy self could not lose hold of him.

 

Pearse

[PDing]

Since Polo is with my coworker's wife at the moment, I'm going to give a few days to see how I feel about it. I haven't had much sleep since the surgery 3 weeks ago, much less when claustrophobia in a cast occurred. Maybe I'm just worn out from getting only 2-3 hours of sleep a night.

 

I think I just need a few days of rest rather than worrying about what to do to make him happy.

 

Thanks for the support, I'm feeling better by the hour.

[Guest SweetJordan]

This has pretty much already been said, but adolescence is the most difficult time period. Your sweet puppy who use to follow you everywhere and would always come when called now acts as though you didn't teach him/her anything. They test limits and boundaries and of course your patience. Adolescence is also a long lived time period(though it varies some depending on the breed of dog), and it is the time when most people give up their dogs. No matter the breed of dog they all go through adolescence. I think that people often forget when they get a puppy that they will soon be an adolescent.

With that being said I can't nor would I tell you what you should do. As you need to do what is best for you and Polo no matter what it is that you decide. The only thing I'll say about keeping him or not just as others have said if you decide you can't keep him don't take him back to the shelter.

[BustopherJones]

Forgive me, Pearse, but in thinking about your suggestion, and remembering that BC's are powerful enough that they are even used as sled dogs in some cases, I suddenly get this vision of Polo tearing down the street with PDing in tow, inexorably fastened to Polo by the double-ended leash. When Annie bolts (for instance, when she sees a rabbit or a deer), it is all I can do to restrain her; and I am no lightweight.

[painted_ponies]

Forgive me, Pearse, but in thinking about your suggestion, and remembering that BC's are powerful enough that they are even used as sled dogs in some cases, I suddenly get this vision of Polo tearing down the street with PDing in tow, inexorably fastened to Polo by the double-ended leash.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I inattentively let Faith build up some pretty good momentum on the fifty foot line the other day. When she hit the end of it I turned a perfect airborne somersault before executing a face plant on the front lawn.

[nancy in AZ]

Well, I have some practical experience with Pearse's suggestion. After I had the wreck on my mare last year and walking was a challenge, I wrapped and loosely tied a six foot leash around my waist to walk Kit. She lunges as passing cars so I do know what it feels like to try to contain an excited dog and walk while on the DL. As long as the leash is short they can't get much momentum and when it's attached to your center of gravity it's far more difficult to unbalance you. I did just use a simple half-hitch in the event I had to untie quickly for any reason. But upon further consideration, no way would I have attempted any of that while on crutches!