mbc1963 Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 I have several friends going through divorces right now. They all have young kids (2 to 11), and they all have dogs. And while I'm sure it's going to be hell on the kids, at least the adults recognize that they have a responsbility to the kids. In the cases of the dogs, they seem to all be bound for complete disregard. Friend A has a 10-year-old dachshund with back issues. He'll stay in the family home, which the husband is intent on keeping but can't afford. So... when the house goes under - what happens to the dog? Friend B has a dog adopted right after her marriage. It was all, "I love her so much I can hardly stand it," etc.. Then the baby came, the the dog became an annoyance, and now neither husband nor wife want her. She'll most likely go back to her foster home, but honestly, I think she's pretty much left alone in the house now. Friend C has a disastrous divorce: husband cheating several times - including with a 20-year-old friend of his daughter from another marriage. The first dog is living with the wife in an apartment, but the husband bought a puppy so the kids would give his mistress another chance. Gee, I wonder where that is going? I just feel so bad for all these animals, and I must admit it makes me a bit annoyed with the friends I'm trying to support. Things get messy, abandon your commitments to your animals. Yeesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G. Festerling Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 It is frustrating to no end. And it just seems to get worse and worse. But if people can't honor their commitment to each other, I suppose the dogs are even more of an afterthought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terrecar Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 It is frustrating to no end. And it just seems to get worse and worse. But if people can't honor their commitment to each other, I suppose the dogs are even more of an afterthought. I don't know about that. My dog relationships have lasted longer than either of my marriages. With the dogs, I'm in it for life Seriously though, when I first saw the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about dog custody battles. It never ocurred to me that people would lose interest in the dog. How sad. Let me know if your friend needs Dachshund rescue contact information/phone numbers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ejano Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 Years ago when I was taking pictures of the local SPCA animals for "Pet of the Week", I chanced on a beautiful rough coat collie, when the owners, a young couple had decided to divorce. We ran the photo in the paper "From a Broken home" -- a few days later, the owners showed up at the pound to claim the dog. They decided at least, to give the dog a second chance. No word on the marriage. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura L Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 I don't know about that. My dog relationships have lasted longer than either of my marriages. With the dogs, I'm in it for life Seriously though, when I first saw the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about dog custody battles. It never ocurred to me that people would lose interest in the dog. How sad. Let me know if your friend needs Dachshund rescue contact information/phone numbers. I found very good homes for 2 of my dogs before my divorce because I thought I was going to have to move. Otherwise in both of my divorces, there was no question of what was going to happen to the dogs. (And I did fight for 2 of the dogs in one of the divorces.) It's not always the case that the dogs or kids end up on the losing end. Sad when it happens, but I see more of the "well we're expecting a baby or we've got to move" as reasons for the pets to go. Laura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KelliePup Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 So sad I adopted a border collie out to a gentleman who had just come out of a messy divorce. His wife had cheated on him and then went to court to get custody of his dogs. So, she took both dogs, which had been his dogs before they got married. That was just wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geonni banner Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 The last vet hospital I worked in was approached on 3 occasions that I know of to have their dog(s) destroyed because their divorcing owners would not agree on who got the dog(s). The vet I worked for refused to do it. But there are those who will. People like that make me sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beachdogz Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 ... but I see more of the "well we're expecting a baby or we've got to move" as reasons for the pets to go. Laura I took an interest in the baby thing when I taught dog classes and did behavior consults. I found one common thread: When young people get a dog first, call it their "child" or "baby", treat it like a baby or a child -- they are the ones to get rid of the dog when the real baby comes along....and they do it immediately. Those who got a first dog and understood it was a dog, not a child; loved it as a dog, not a child -- they are the ones that the dog stayed after the real baby came. Seriously. I often thought there had to be a psychological reason for that. The moving thing also annoys me. My husband and I each had a dog before we got married. It was not easy to find an apartment that took two German Shepeherds in the city. We did not have any place to live together up to a week before our wedding. We decided that if we had to, we would come back from the honeymoon and move back in with our parents (65 miles away from each other) until we found someplace to take us with the dogs. I think it was 4-5 days before the wedding when we found a place. Certainly, not everyone can move with a dog....but for some, it is easier to get rid of the dog. sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelleybean Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 I had cats before I had kids. They were treated as members of the family, and we continued to dote on those two felines until they died at the ripe ole ages of 14 and 19. When my first son was born, "Velcro" slept in the crib with him! My mother-in-law was horrified, but I thought it was sweet. We didn't get dogs until we moved to the country where they could have more space to run. I just don't understand how some people don't care for their pets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 We got our first cat, Ulthar (any Lovecraft fans?) about 2-3 months before our first child, Vikki, was born. My family was fine with the whole deal. DH's family didn't like cats. His grandmother was sure that Ulthar would sit on Vikki's chest and "suck her breath" to kill her. Ulthar sure slept in Vikki's bassinet. And as soon as Vikki made a hint of waking, Ulthar got up and came over and woke me up. As Vikki had colic, Ulthar made sure I never slept! We raised the kids right. When Vikki and her husband were facing homelessness in California, they had plans for each of them to move in with a friend - and each to take 2 of their 4 cats. Not necessary - long story. But no one abandons a pet for an apartment or house. They know that we would then cut them off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliepoudrier Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 They know that we would then cut them off. Yep. I think if I had friends like the ones described, I'd be re-evaluating those friendships, but I realize that's just me.... J. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maralynn Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 What do you all think of joint custody of a dog in a divorce? I was talking with a friend yesterday and a gal she knows drives nearly 2 hrs once or twice a week to pick up/drop off her dog with her ex. I mean, I guess it's good that they are committed to the dog, but it seems a bit odd and I can't help but wonder if it would be easier on the dog in the end if she had a permanent place instead of being shuffled back and forth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthfieldNick Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 What do you all think of joint custody of a dog in a divorce? I was talking with a friend yesterday and a gal she knows drives nearly 2 hrs once or twice a week to pick up/drop off her dog with her ex. I mean, I guess it's good that they are committed to the dog, but it seems a bit odd and I can't help but wonder if it would be easier on the dog in the end if she had a permanent place instead of being shuffled back and forth. I know a dog, a mix of uncertain breeding, who splits his time between Portland, OR and Alaska. Burger (yes, that's really his name!) has some issues, but I don't think they have to do with the travel. He was a street dog in Greece, brought to the US. He seems to handle the changes just fine. It's weird to me to be without a dog half the year, but his Alaska home moves to a fishing boat, so it would be impractical for the dog to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alligande Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 Does make you wonder about people. Years ago a colleague had gone thru a bitter divorce and reckoned his 2 shelties cost him close to $50,000 as his ex wife fought a tough custody battle for them, and according to him she never even liked them it was about maximizing her share of their assets. He was happy though to have his dogs. At least the dogs were wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terrecar Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 Sad when it happens, but I see more of the "well we're expecting a baby or we've got to move" as reasons for the pets to go. Laura Both of those were common with owner surrenders at our shelter. When my daughter wanted a dog, I advised her to consider it seriously and choose the breed in light of the fact that she wanted children at some point. I would have taken the dog(s) had it not worked out, but I really hoped (and believed) she would honor the committment, and she did. She has two rescued greyhounds that preceded her two children, and they have worked out quite well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgileBC's Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 I went through a messy divorce back in February of this year. Although we couldn't agree on much, there was no contesting who got the dogs. I was the one who trained them, took them to classes, the vet, etc. I was the one who researched on where to get them from. He could have been a d*** and fought for them, but even he knew they would be better off with me. The hardest part out of this was to find somewhere to live that would take 5 dogs...insert best friend/now boyfriend. My dogs have never had it so good. Angie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carson Crazies Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 When I divorced I allowed the now ex-husband to take the dog with him that he considered "his". I knew that she wouldn't have the same KIND of life that I would give her, but that she would still have a GOOD life. It was hard to let her go, but it was the right decision in many ways (she was a little troublemaker and she and Ginger did not get along). I knew it was the right thing because every dog in my house heaved a giant sigh of relief when she was gone. I cried and cried over her even though she was far from my favorite dog. I can't even imagine having to give any of them up otherwise. It would have been a cold dead fingers situation. Not only that, but no way was he getting any of the others. It is so hard to know how to do these things in the middle of such a giant upheaval in one's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSmitty Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 So sad. Mary's friends aren't rare cases, either. Divorce, moving and having babies...three very common owner surrender excuses. I can't even imagine giving my dogs up in a divorce. My husband and I would both be completely broken-hearted! We've joked that we have to stay together for the dogs' sake. Or, at least I hope we're joking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgileBC's Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 I asked my ex if he wanted to keep one and he declined. He hated those dogs and claimed I loved them more than him. Well, that was pretty much the case Now if my boyfriend and I ever broke up, he'd be heartbroken over the dogs! I was worried how they would handle the transition because for 4 of them, that's the only life they knew. They walked into our new house like the owned the place! My red tri was having a hard time with anxiety and now it's almost gone. It's amazing what stress does to them, even if I didn't realize it when we were smack dab in the middle of it. ETA: My b/f loves them so much we even adopted a 9 week old border collie/sheltie. He complains how the puppy isn't trained and I have to gently remind him that while he had the luxery of having 5 trained dogs move in with him, they all started somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SecretBC Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 We get a sad number of critters surrendered to the shelter for divorce & other family problems. You wouldn't believe how many times one spouse brings a dog in to surrender and then we get a phone call later that day or week from the other spouse who just found out what happened to their pet and is desperate to get them back. Those people who bring a pet to the shelter to "get back at" their spouse really, really suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bc4ever Posted December 20, 2011 Report Share Posted December 20, 2011 From a little different angle, but still sad; someone who got a puppy just to make their mate miserable. And it worked. Left alone most of the time, no one plays with it, and they tie her out to do her business. Sweet dog deserves better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brady's mom Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 I've definitely experienced this, I'm sad to say. I lost my best friend to a nasty divorce between my dad and my now ex-stepmom. Just to get back at me and my dad, she gave my dog away. Jaz died a couple months ago, and I never got to say goodbye. Divorce is awful in so many ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Cressa Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 I don't know anything about laws but how in the world do you loose custody of your dog? Is your name on their papers. How do they get control of your best friend? I would be devastated if it happen. I just can't fathom how it does happen?! ETA : and how do you prevent it from ever happening? Is it possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliepoudrier Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 SS Cressa, I imagine if you are a minor then you don't have much say during a divorce, beyond perhaps choosing which parent you'd prefer to live with. It's sad that people will use their pets to get back at the human they're divorcing. I do know of one person who switched the pedigrees of all of her dogs to her mother's name before divorcing. The dogs had been hers all along, but in order to remove the chance that the soon-to-be ex would try to use the dogs as a bargaining chip (or try to insist on selling the dogs and splitting the proceeds), she paid to transfer ownership. But of course that only works for dogs who are registered. J. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brady's mom Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 I don't know anything about laws but how in the world do you loose custody of your dog? Is your name on their papers. How do they get control of your best friend? I would be devastated if it happen. I just can't fathom how it does happen?! ETA : and how do you prevent it from ever happening? Is it possible? The dog was technically my dad's since we got her when I was about six, so I had no legal rights to her. Jazmyn was taken away at a time when I was still technically a minor and away at my first semester of college. My Dad was at work when it happened and we weren't told/had no access to the information of where she had been taken. Either way it was just a nasty situation that grew worse and worse. Here's to learning lessons from these experiences, I suppose. She was 15 when she passed, but it's still awful knowing I never got to say goodbye to her in the way that she deserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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