SincereArtisan Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Any of you reached that point in your life where you find yourself acting more like an adult than your parents??? My mom desperately wants a dog. Her track record consists of: Chinese Crested Puppy Xmas of 2007. She went out and GOT the dog Xmas eve. Xmas morning the dog was on it's way to me via my sister who was visiting at the time. My mom freaked at how demanding the little puppy was in one night and decided it was better off with me, so I could find it a new home and "get her money back." Greyhound, "Monty" in spring 2008. She managed to keep this dog almost 2 months. He began to exhibit separation anxiety when she'd be gone 2-3 days at a time on plane trips. This required medication that was roughly $45 a month. She also had to pay for a sitter when she was gone, which was expensive. That, combined with food and a torn nail from climbing the stairs a bit too fast caused her to get exasperated at the expense and turn him back into the rescue. She just picked this up today: http://charlotte.craigslist.org/pet/979671003.html And she had the audacity to tell the rescuers, that should it not work out, her daughter helps rescue border collies, and it would go to me so I could rehome her. I give it a week. Tops. And I'll be surprised if she makes it that long. -=sigh=- I love my mom dearly, I wish she'd just take my advice and rescue an older, already housebroken dog, who is not very demanding at all...but she is so fixated on getting a puppy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildFlower Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Your mom and the dogs that she adopts/rescues/purchases are both lucky to have you to help them. I can totally understand why you are frustrated. I wish all of you the best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms.DaisyDuke Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Oh, no. You'd think, being your mom, she'd pick up on stuff that you say and actually listen. Puppy is kinda cute though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afrancis Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 AACK! Sarah, I feel your pain. I don't know how you get through to them. Esp. when they keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. What is her motivation? Does she feel the need to rescue, like you do? Then does she get turned off because of the $ and effort involved? If so, can you suggest to her that she offer her time helping an established rescue, like physically helping to purchase supplies, volunteering with transport, or walking dogs at a shelter? Maybe this would help to keep her involved but keep the dogs safe from her well-intentioned adoption. My parents are getting older and they refuse to listen to me about many things; i.e. anything from getting the oil changed on their car to getting a referral from their doctor for increasing memory loss . Good luck with that pup. I actually give her 24 hours. Ailsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SincereArtisan Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 He motivation is just to have a dog again, a dog that is all hers and as well behaved as my dogs. She just doesn't understand the amount of effort I put into my dogs on a daily basis. Aside from giving her one of my girls (She actually offered me $1000 for Monkey!) I don't know how to help her, apart from just being here to pick up the pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb Scott Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Maybe the best way to help is to not be there to pick up the pieces. barb S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronHorse Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 My advice for what its worth, Stop being your mother's safety net Make her take responsibility for the consequences of her action. Perhaps a harsh lesson in the reality of what becomes of so many "spur of the moment" purchases of animals is the knock up the side of her head that she needs for what i view as irresponsible behavior. Maybe ,just maybe then she would listen to your word instead of viewing you as her personal enabler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M.L. Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 So sorry! I do agree that perhaps you should not be her safety net this time. Has she ever walked through an actual city pound, rather than a nicer shelter? Perhaps you need to take her on a trip to the local pound for a walk through and an explanation that the largest reason all those poor dogs end up in rescue is because people have a mentality like hers. And that many of them, through no fault of their own, will be euthanized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urge to herd Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Sarah, I'm very sorry that your mom is doing this. Agreeing with IronHorse and ML is tough, but there might be a middle way. Talk to your mom when she gives you this adorable puppy. Tell her that the next time she gets a dog or any other animal and then gives it up, you will not save her or her poor animal. It will be up to her to deal with the situation she's created. Then, stand by your decision when that day comes. Perhaps writing it down into a letter, so that you can say, "Mom, remember I sent you the letter after I took Tessa? That's why I'm doing what I'm doing." For whatever reason, your mom is making unwise decisions over and over. Personally, after years of trying to figure out motivations for my family members' bizarre and very unhealthy behavior, in the belief that it would help me to 'help' them, I'm giving it up. I believe it's counter productive for me. Giving her fair warning and THEN STICKING TO IT is the best, most effective way of dealing with this stuff. Note I did not say easiest. Keeping a boundary that someone else keeps trying to bulldoze through is very, very hard, but it's way better than not having a boundary at all. Especially when there's an innocent involved, it's a very difficult thing to do. I hope you can make a decision that you feel good about keeping. Ruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuthBelle Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Is there some other underlying issue that is causing your mom to do these impulsive things? She isn't housebound or lacking a social outlet, or are her circle of friends leaving or passing away? I mention this as my mom would stay up late at night after my Dad passed away, watch those damn infomercials, QVC, etc. and buy, buy, buy all kinds of STUFF she never used or gave away. She just bought STUFF AND MORE STUFF and sometimes duplicates of THE SAME STUFF!!! We didn't realize it until after she had passed away and started going through ALL OF THIS STUFF! She had stored it all away in the garage, house, tool shed and barn of the our old family farm she had sitting vacant, and the apartment closets and garage of the unit she rented and lived in. Sure made for one heck of an estate sale when the time came. I always wished she had used that money to go vacation somewhere nice or visit her other relatives or friends across the country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcnewe2 Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 How bout helping your Mom find the right dog? That is if this one doesn't work out. (which btw is adorable). I can't see much in the way of telling my Mom NO. I just don't/can't find the backbone to do that unless it's life or death for my kids or DH. I'd probably die for her not being able to tell her no. So....can't you help her find a dog that would fit her situation? Maybe one of the many rescues that you take in could be ear marked for her once you get the kinks worked out? Nope...I can't tell my Mom no and I'm 47. But I'm a pushover with almost anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SincereArtisan Posted January 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 I have insisted time and time again that I will gladly pick a dog more suited for her lifestyle. I've told her countless times how the shelters are packed to the brim with dogs desperately needing a home. She nods and sympathizes...and then gushes about how much she wants a puppy. I'd show her listings from rescue sites, older dogs, dogs in foster homes that have proven to be so much less demanding than a puppy...and she would still insist upon a puppy. She didn't want a dog 'already messed up' by some one else...a phrase that infuriates me to no end! urge to herd, I like your suggestion. It is difficult to put my foot down when she already has this puppy, and its most likely on its way to me. But I will let her know, this is the last time. If its a dog who needs help, that is a different matter...but I'm tired of taking in dogs because she fails to stick by her actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbc1963 Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 She didn't want a dog 'already messed up' by some one else... ...No... she wanted to be the one to mess the dog up! Aiiee. Good luck. I know how hard it is to try to take the "leadership" role for your parents. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoloRiver Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 Honestly, it doesn't sound like she should have a dog at all. Have you ever sat her down and told her that? I feel for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SincereArtisan Posted January 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 Honestly, it doesn't sound like she should have a dog at all. Have you ever sat her down and told her that? I feel for you. Yes, I have. After the Chinese Crested episode. That did not end well. She didn't speak to me again for weeks. She was livid..."Oh the nerve, you telling ME what to do! I have every right to own a dog!" Not pretty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizmo Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 Some people you just can't get through too, sadly. Yes, that dog/s do suffer for it, but I've come to learn that there isn't much you can do about it if you've talked to them in a rational way. (Of course after that and they still won't listen, then you go vent to someone, scream, huff, grrrr, and then you might feel a tad better ) Remember a while back about that Pom breeder I posted about that was icky but my friend was getting a pup from there despite my polite, informative emails? Well, she brought the dog over here a week ago and I brought Blaze out. . .good Lordy. You'd a thought I was trying to kill the dog. He snarled, growled, barked, and ludged at Blaze from his owner's lap. Of course that welcoming didn't generate the best in Blaze but atleast he stopped when he was told. And I later found out that he's this way at home when being moved from a comfy spot. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnLloydJones Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 . . .good Lordy. You'd a thought I was trying to kill the dog. He snarled, growled, barked, and ludged at Blaze from his owner's lap. This sort of behaviour is pretty much my experience of Poms. It might be the breed (or breeding), but I suspect it is more related to the type of owners that the breed attracts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SincereArtisan Posted January 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 This sort of behaviour is pretty much my experience of Poms. It might be the breed (or breeding), but I suspect it is more related to the type of owners that the breed attracts. I strongly agree. Monkey is 1/2 pom and she does not mind being disrupted from her spot. I see clients on a weekly basis, who think having their lap "protected" by their fluffy little pooch is the equivalent of their undying loyalty and affection. They cater to these dogs, (Ohhh Foo Foo, its Ooook, Shuuush!) which only encourages them to become even MORE obnoxious about it, which eventually leads to them biting some one. Oi. Its not only poms, most poms are rather sweet, but I've known poms to do it. I've actually known more Chihuahuas and Bichons to be resource guarders of their owner's laps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurae Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 And doxies. Ugh. Though I've never met a nice dachshund, so maybe that is the breed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OurBoys Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 It's just as hard on the parent as it is the 'child' when the role reversal starts. As long as she can get you to do what she wants, she still feels like the parent. Does your mom still drive? Would she sign up for an obedience class? That could help her bond with the puppy and hopefully keep it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnLloydJones Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 And doxies. Ugh. Though I've never met a nice dachshund, so maybe that is the breed. I've met both nice ones and nasty ones. That's more than I can say about Poms. Fortunately, the ankle biters have an off-leash area of their own at our dog park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizmo Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 This sort of behaviour is pretty much my experience of Poms. It might be the breed (or breeding), but I suspect it is more related to the type of owners that the breed attracts. I would agree thats poor breeding and/or owners. I know a lady with a couple Poms and they are both nice dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate40541 Posted January 12, 2009 Report Share Posted January 12, 2009 From your examples of your mother's 'need' for a puppy it hasn't been going on all that long, just over a year. Would that be correct? I do hate to say this but it could be the start of some form of dementia. My m-i-l is well into dementia now but this is how it started, with an unstoppable determination for something completely inappropriate as well as being impossible to reason with. I doubt if it would be easy to get her to have a doctor do a check-up but it might help to handle the situation. On another note, I used to have an neighbor with a daughter-in-law who would get a puppy and all would be wonderful. Until the puppy became an adult, then the neighbor ended up with the cast-off grown dog. My neighbor never seemed interested in seeing what was happening but since she was happy to take the dogs from her d-i-l there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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