Euthanasia and Guilt

[sandra s.]

There's just nothing one can say to make this any easier, but you both have my greatest respect for doing the right thing, even though it's so hard... I'll keep both of you in my thoughts.

[bc friend]

Sue - Mac was lucky to have you (and Ed) ease his way out of this world. I'm sure you'll miss the old guy and I'm sorry for your loss.

[TheStacks]

Debbie and Sue-

 

I am crying with you both. I am so sorry for your losses. You and your families will be in my prayers.

[nancy]

Chuck had to have Vamp (the lab-shepherd who had raised our kids) put down at age 15. Our cat Ulthar, who had done the same, snuck out the for when the kids went for the school bus the day I was to take him (age 17) for surgery for a tumor in his ear. Frodo, the cat who arrived about the same time as our second child, died rather quickly of cancer at 18. The tough part was that, although he died at home with that kid petting him, our son (youngest) had been Frodo's favorite and was a Philmont Boy Scout Camp. Frodo died the morning he returned. Tyga was a totally indoor cat who we expected to live about forever. She was always small - but she became seriously hyperthyroid at 14. She died as I was taking her out of her travel box after a blood test at the vet.

 

There is no easy way. Every one was wrenching. I develop panic when I think about Fergie (11) and Maggie (1).

 

But what about people? I have seen far to many friends and relatives suffer needlessly. Were they pets, they could have been released from that suffering. Some even begged for it. But, while we are told to save our pets from suffering, we are told that people need to suffer until the last possible minute.

 

How can I reconcile those admonitions?

[Katelynn & Gang]

Debbie and Sue,

 

I'm so sorry for your losses.

 

The greatest love a human can show a animal is to know when it is time to say goodbye.

 

You both are in my thoughts as well as Roly and Mac.

 

Katelynn

[PSmitty]

Debbie and Sue, I'm so sorry for your losses. It's never easy, even when we know it's the right thing to do. My thoughts are with you.

[nancy]

OK. I had to decide that it was time to say good-bye to my mother. Luckily, we had my brother (only sibling) on the phone when Mom, having had a heart attack at age 88, went into cardiac arrest. We knew that her kidneys and intestines had not been functioning since her heart attack.

 

But it took agreement by the 2 of us, as her only children (Dad died 5 years before) to let her go. Otherwise, they'd have resuscitated her, put her on dialysis, and done who knows what. And with no chance that she'd have survived anyhow.

 

OK - BIG UGLY QUESTION.

 

Why are we not ever allowed to do for our loved humans what we are told we must do for our loved pets? Are we to define "love" differently? How and why? And what if the human has actually made a statement about what should and should not be done to extend life and to ease death? Your dog or cat or gerbil or hermit crab can't state its wishes. But human friends and relatives can.

 

???????

[WyoBC]

I'm so sorry for you loss of Mac, Sue. I'm even tearing up reading you post. My heart goes out to you guys.

[Sue R]

Thank you all for your kind words.

 

I was able to go to work after bringing Mac home from the vet, and share a couple of my favorite pictures with co-workers who are also friends, and a few short stories about his life, and hugs which was all helpful. Last evening, I was assisting with our three dog classes - family dog, obedience skills for family dogs, and the puppy class. It was healing to help folks with their young dogs/pups. I enjoyed knowing they would have the opportunity to have long and joyful lives together with their dogs (barring unforeseen problems), just like we'd had with Mac. Again, I showed his pictures around, got hugs and empathy, and was able to enjoy good memories and an easy conscience, knowing he went to rest when he was ready and we could be there for him.

 

Don't cry for me or for Mac, please. He had a great life and was able to go peacefully when it was time. So many dogs/animals/people don't have a good life or compassionate passing. I am glad we could share that life and also share that passage out of pain. I am very relieved that his pain and frustrations are over, and that I am no longer worried about whether or not his quality of life is gone. I am very grateful for our many blessings, and for kind and caring folks here and elsewhere who have been so wonderful at this time. Thank you all.

 

And thank you, Debbie, very much for starting this topic that has been so important for me at this time. Bless you and all the good animals, and Tim, and especially Sandman and old Eve.

[Kyrasmom]

Adding my most sincere condolences for both of you, words always escape me at times like these. I do think you've both been the best of owners as you've put your needs last and given the gift of quality of life and and the even bigger gift of dignity at death.

 

Maria

[Maizy]

So sorry to hear the news of Mac, Sue.

 

Debbie - I hope you are hanging in there!!!

[Carson Crazies]

Debbie, and Sue, my heart is with you both. I'm sorry for both of your losses.

[Debbie Crowder-BaaramuLuke]

Nancy

You know, I always revisit the people/euthanasia topic for myself when I have to deal with deciding to end an animal's suffering, and I'm sure it would be an interesting topic among us all.

(Sue, thank you and prayers for you and Ed for the loss of Mac...see you in a short ten days)

Faith plays into whether we think it right to wish to end human suffering, and I do believe it isn't right to end your own life or another's, BUT

Knowing (or not knowing) now how my husband handled the possible euthanasia of Sandman, with all the arrangements I had to make and unmake to organize it, and how I agonized doing it, then feeling all kinds of interesting emotions (and I'm 48, so emotions are getting funny these days) about all of it, I better get my wishes known and documented legally ASAP, so I get to say it's time for me to be let go, should that come up. And then I think, what do I care, if I'm comatose and he's the one who has to live through it, me being lucky to be out of it? I wrestle with the concept of semi-euthanasia for people, like that which my Dad underwent in May (he was an alcoholic who had a great deal of pain, so when he found out his #5 wife was leaving him and being in a deep state of despondency and horrible physical decline, he was allowed to use his morphine in conjuction with his vodka which stopped his failing heart)(three days before the Bluegrass--do I go to the trial or to a viewing in FLA? I seem to have this dilemma over and over again.) Is it wrong to want to be relieved of pain and misery when it is truly hopeless? SO, like I learned with Sandman, whose pain should be eased, and at whose expense? Geez. BTW-Sandman is great, I actually think the damn thing is trying to heal up...PAX, you know what I mean. Tim has backpeddled since the initial fit, but I secretly think he's patting himself on the back for saving the old boy's life. As for Roly, he still thinks she could have been cured of bloat, but he isn't going there. I do miss her sweet face, but Eve's happier not competing for invalid attention.

Nancy, you make some good points, thanks for making me think.

[Sue R]

Debbie - I'm looking forward to seeing you. I wasn't sure you were going to be there.

 

My family is all aware of my feelings concerning end-of-life and pertinent decisions, etc. And that's as far as I will go with that on the forum, other than to say (as you did) that we all need to learn when to let go.

 

You are in my thoughts, Debbie.

[DixiesDad]

From all of us, Cheryl, Dixie Belle, Lady and myself, our prayers and best wishes to both Debbie and Sue.

[Criosdaidh]

Laurae's story resonates with me. My most beloved brown tabby cat's kidneys failed at age 17-and-a-half, and I held on to him for two or three weeks past when I should have, before I finally took him to be PTS. Poor guy, he was such an amazing cat, he really deserved more consideration, and I still regret not having the willpower to take him in sooner. (Often for cats, the kidneys fail when they get really old, and it is irreversible.)

 

Our animals count on us to protect them from suffering. After many years of high quality life with us, I don't think they want a few more days or weeks with pain and fear. Quality of days, not quantity, matter more, I believe. I think we need to be very careful to be clear about whose feelings we are worrying about, ours or those of our pet. I think we make the mistake of holding on too long more often than bringing the end too soon, because we love them so much. Roly's had a great life, and it's important to protect her from pain or the panic of not getting enough air in her last days.

 

It might not be the right thing to do to take time off from work, for many reasons, e.g., the needs of other family members and other pets, the responsibilities to employer and coworkers, etc. Work is important. I don't think time away from work is the right solution for everyone. And it may just postpone the decision/crisis. It certainly won't make Roly better.

 

I second Laurae's conclusion.

 

I think this post says it all. What you have to remember is that you took a puppy that had no hope, no life, no one to care for her and gave her a healthy, happy life for many many years. I'm sure in a dogs way she is indebted to you for that and IMO if she could communciate to you she would say that in no way would she hold it against you if you decided to not make her drudge on in pain. I don't think 2 extra weeks of life spent in pain with lots of medication are going to matter alot to her when she has had many years of friendship and caring with you.

 

I know its hard thing to do for you no matter what, my prayers go out to you in a tough time.

[Guest LJS1993]

Well just about a month ago I had to put down my dear BC friend Shadow. To give you an idea what type of dog she was and what she meant to me let me say this. I purchased her my sophomore year in high school at the age of about 6 weeks old. She would follow me everywhere, hence the name Shadow. She would roam on my grandparents ranch and follow my every single direction. If I said "come", she would follow right along with me. If I said "Stay", perfect behavior out of this dog. Well at around twelve she started slowing down, I got busier, you know, life basically took over most of my time. The first sign of her major decline was severe arthritis in her rear legs and hips. I dealt with that by giving her bi-monthly cortisone shots and some pills for inflammation and pain my vet gave me. Then she had a huge tumor which had to be removed from her side. I was crushed to see my loyal friend slowly being taken apart piece by piece. The thing that did it for me was when I could tell her life was no longer a joy for her. She wouldn't bark at cars through her cage; had no desire to even attempt waking up in the morning. So, I made the brutal decision to put her down. It wasn't easy. In fact the days leading up to the fateful day I had several dreams of both Shadow and I in our younger days. I was sixteen again, she was a year old running around with me on the ranch. I had a dream about the day she leaped over a six foot fence with ease and me laughing as she ran up to me. Yes it was painful, but I know she lives on in my heart forever. I try to imagine her running again in some other ranch in another life. Don't be guilty, it's a part of life, part of the circle of life we all must deal with eventually.

[Guest pax]

I am just getting caught up here. Sue, I am so sorry.

 

Debbie...so far, I can watch the new hole developing at the same time the old one is closing up. I watch that horse's butt like a BC watches sheep. I am waiting for the day the next one doesn't open. Hitting them with dex seemed to help, too, but I can't do that now he's on the frankincense protocol.

 

Is your husband horsey or has just a little bit rubbed off from being around you?

 

I think the people most willing to go to great, or prolonged measures (sometimes) are the ones who have never had to watch something they loved die painfully when a status quo changes abruptly. Once you've been caught out playing that game, you develop a pretty healthy respect for a peaceful death.