HELP! I've reached a cracking point

[mado]

Hello ,

 

I've had exactly the same situation happen to me last September , I broke my ankle and was in a cast for three months .

Tamyr was a bit more than a year , and quite a handful , she still is .

I did something you probably won't be able to do but I panicked at the idea of her being stuck with a cripple for so long with nobody much to help at home.

I first went to a friend's place on a deserted beach (I know that was lucky) and stayed there for ten days , she was as happy as can be with the place to herself , but that couldn't last of course .

So next I got back home and made friends drive us to places close by on their way to work . I admit to a huge amount of phone calls , they just had to drop us off somewhere safe on their way so it wasn't such a hassle (:-(( , but anyway they did it . I was lucky with the weather , so people just dropped us off at the park or a lake nearby , and we camped there for as long as we could , me with books and stuff (no water for me;-) , her with balls and frisbies ...

Of course I'm not proposing you do just that , it can sound a bit much , but it made me feel better on the days when nothing happened and no one could drive us anywhere .

I'm not suggesting I did great , but I was really worried and the situation got me very organised , I traded drives to anywhere against meals and such (I'm a good cook!) , I lent my car to a young carless friend and she took us places etc .

What I mean is you can feel very frustrated and bad , you can feel the dog is better off with others and so on but in the end I was ok with how I dealed with everything and it's all so tiny now .

I kept finding opportunities to take her out , people couldn't tell me they were doing something without thinking "oh she'll ask me to go somewhere" ...but I don't think it was so dramatic to help out if possible . The worse was a wet dog in a friend's new car :-(

Things will get better , this is not a forever situation , and the dog will get over it too . Just don't doubt that you're doing your best , think of positive things you can do (don't know about your conditions or the weather and such) and just let it be , it's certainly not your fault , just have to keep your spirits up as best you can because that makes the dog feel better too .

[hoku's mum]

I will add my voice to say that BC adolescence is hell! But they do grow up, it will pass, but it seems to go in waves. Just when you think they have gotten over the bratties, it crops up again. You have gotten very good advise, and the main thing is manage, manage, manage. Set Polo up to succeed, don't put him in situations where he can make the wrong decision, I guarantee he will pick the wrong answer to most things at this point. The long, light weight line with some knots (and you wearing gloves) is a great help, they can play ball and Frisbee fine, and you can reinforce your recall. Do not let him out off leash, period, till he grows up more. Be a strong, fair and consistent leader, use NILIF, realize that they thrive on knowing the rules, and what is expected of them. It took me a long time to realize that to much freedom (what I though would make Hoku happy) was not so great and was actually stressing him out, as he made the wrong decisions (chasing neighbors horses, digging in my garden, fence fighting with neighbors dogs) and I got mad at him, and that made him stressed and unhappy, and hurt our trust. Now, with stricter rules (such as all walks after dark are on leash) and tighter management, he knows the rules, know what I expect of him, knows that there will be lots of playtime and fun training, I am happy, and so is he, and our trust is amazing. Good luck, and take care of yourself.

[sweet_ceana]

At about 7.5- 9 months old Ceana was a pain in the a$$! I love her, but goodness did she test everything she could. At that age she would bolt as well! On the last day that we were moving she slipped through three sets of hands- bolted across a frozen pond (ponds don't freeze well in CO) and then ran into a busy street and started trotting down the yellow lines. For anyone who knows the area just north of Denver- my %^&$^$ dog ran down the middle of Huron! Luckily a wonderful woman was smart and opened her car door. Ceana being Ceana just jumped right on in. The woman went to the corner where Chris was panting (it is hard to keep up with a sprinting teenage BC) and gave her to Chris. I have never been so mad/worried about her in my life. Sometimes it can feel so over whellming- especially when your heart gets racing like that. That age is so difficult, just remember that. Ceana has gone light years in maturation since that monstrous age, she is still trouble... but only with a lower case t. Keep in mind what the others have said- this is a stage and it to shall pass.

[BustopherJones]

Annie is 3-1/2 years old, and DW still calls her PITA (amongst other things). I thought her puppy stage would pass; we are still waiting...

[Beach BCs]

When we brought Georgia home she was right smack in the middle of this stage. On top of that she was nearly feral. I nearly went bald tearing my hair out somedays. There were times when I thought I bitten off more than I could chew. She had zero recall and I mean ZERO inside or out. Going to that from our previous girl who came when I barely got my voice out to say her name was a bit difficult. There were days that I would just hold her close and say many many prayers...for the two of us. Once while I was at work My husband let her out for potties. No leash. Obviously she took off. He couldn't catch her so he got in the car and drove around looking for her. He couldn't find her anywhere. So off to home he goes and there she is circling the house just as fast as she can run. SHe din't even lookup when he parked the car and got out. He went up to the front door and opened it and on her next spin around the house she ran into the house and went straight into the closet. Things are better now. MUCH MUCH better. Her recall isn't perfect but she's got pretty much everything else down pat. She'll be two in just a couple weeks. She's my thinker. If she had thumbs she'd be in jail but she's an absolute sweetheart.

 

And while Tex has been a very easy puppy, he's had his moments. He is strong willed and very confident. If I start letting up a little on the rules I can see "Game on, Mama! Watch out!!" flash across his brain. Luckily he's quite a sensative pup and it doesn't take much to get him back on the straight & narrow.

 

Oh, I agree that you shouldn't let him off leash at all outside. Get yourself a long line. I usea 50 foot lightweight rope with a carribeener (spelling). It was about $10 at the hardware store.

 

BC adolescence...It's a trip. This stage can be hellish and at times downright depressing. Add that to all you're going through and it's no wonder you're so upset. Just remember to take a breath once in a while.

[mbc1963]

Phew! You've all just made me very grateful for my dog.

 

Who knows what he did when he was an adolescent? He was living on the streets somewhere. When I got him, he was quite content to stay where it was warm and dry and foody.

 

Mary

[shatchp]

I concur with everything already stated regarding puppy adolescence, training, and ankle injuries. However, early on in this post, a point of concern for your emotional health was raised. I'd like to add a few thoughts to this...

 

I also really urge you to talk to a trusted physician or counselor right now. I actually feel a bit stronger about the counselor. There's more going on here than a simple injury and an adolescent BC. This is real, hard stuff, and you're really struggling...and if you ask me, that's exactly how anyone would be feeling in your shoes. Don't try to handle all this on your own...

 

Your health insurance probably covers mental health counseling...and I'd make use of it, even if it's not covered. I've been in counseling during two difficult seasons of my life, and it's worth taking that step forward to try it. It's a strength, not a weakness...don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

Can you board your pup or arrange for a week off in respite? I mean a true week off...where you do nothing but sleep and sit around doing whatever you like to do? Maybe talk to your doctor about the sleeplessness. After you've done this, you'd be in a far better position to make touch decisions about the welfare of your dog. You need rest...a time for self-care and physical/emotional healing.

 

Stay in touch here, and lean on those in your life who you can lean on...it will get better.

[Eileen Stein]

You have gotten a lot of good advice and helpful observations and suggestions, as well as support for whatever you decide to do in your very difficult situation. I agree with what others have said, but what jumps out at me in your posts is the extent to which you're personalizing his behavior and giving it an emotional weight that I don't believe it has. I suppose it's natural, when your dog looks straight at you and then refuses to come or runs away, to take it as a personal rejection or a sign of dislike, but it's got no emotional aspect at all from the dog's point of view. You're thinking, "If he loved me, he'd come when I called him, he wouldn't put me through all this when I'm on crutches," and by doing that you're attributing human emotions to him that he simply doesn't have and isn't capable of, and making yourself much sadder than if you just viewed it as a training problem or a logistical problem, without the emotional overlay. For example, you wrote, "Polo still seems to want to have fun to the point where if I have to call it a day for him, he immediately rebels against me." It's not against you, or about you -- he just wants to have fun. You wrote, "I love Polo and I have tried my best to keep him busy, but he doesn't seem to be satisfied with all the time I'm spending with him." But it's not about him being dissatisfied with you -- he just wants to have fun. He's just being a dog. His capacity for empathy, as an adolescent dog, is just about nonexistent.

 

This is a hard thought to express, and I'm not doing very well with it, I'm afraid. But if you could leave out worrying about whether you're making him happy (even if you were uninjured you wouldn't be able to give him all the fun he wants, nor should you), and leave out worrying about whether he loves you or not, if only just until this incapacity of yours is over, I think a great weight would lift from your shoulders. All you'd have to be concerned about then is training and management. You can't expect to train at the optimum level in your current situation, so lower your standards a little. Keep him on a lead, clip his leash to a wire strung from your house to a tree, work on his recall when you can keep him from running off rather than when he's loose, teach him tricks, etc. Let the jumping up stuff go for now if your friends are undermining you there -- apparently they don't mind him jumping up, and you can deal with it when you're on your feet again. GET SOME SLEEP!

 

If after you drain the emotional worries out of this, you still find that you can't face living with him over the next year, then no one could blame you for finding another good home for him. It won't mean you failed him, and it won't mean he failed you -- it will just mean that circumstances beyond your control got the best of both of you. But I think that if you can lay these emotional worries aside, the rest will be manageable. And if it is, and you get through this together, I feel pretty sure you will both love one another when it's over.

[Beth G]

All excellent advice. But just wondering, are you up to playing ball in the house. Toss a soft dog ball or toy, or rolling a soccer ball maybe?

 

Or somehow getting a ride to a fenced in park or even a friendly, safe dog park where you can take him and where, it doesnt matter if he listens and he can just be a puppy for awhile?

 

I know that being cooped up makes these guys very hard to manage..lol. But at a place like that you can relax, he can run and get wore out, and everyone is happy!

 

And then everytime he comes near you, you could say, "Polo Come" praise him? Trust me this is a way more relaxed way to train and he will catch on sooner with no pressure.

 

What else can I say? He is at that BC bratty peroid , but even though it makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes and give up...

it does and WILL pass. It is all in innocent fun and they are just trying to have fun and test their limits at the same time. It is not about not liking you.

 

We could all share horror stories with you, trust me. Hey maybe we should start a thread on that? I bet it would make you feel tons better and you would get laughs out of it!!

[WyoBC]

I have never raised a BC puppy (yet) but even Black Jack that's about 2 years old did this when I adopted him. The first three months was really hard with gaining his trust, but then when I had it he started testing me. Let me tell you it was tough when he was in that "hey, I think I'll see what I can do" stage. Just try to hang in there and don't make a decision you'll regret later.

[PSmitty]

Hear, hear, Eileen! That is spot on.

[Kayleegator]

I have been reading and thinking about this thread a lot. There's so much good advice here, and I'm storing much of it up for myself and my soon-to-be-adolescent dog.

 

I really empathize with your plight, of having a high-needs dog, and going through a period when you need all your 'juice' for your own healing. Not being able to sleep well, and being frustrated and angry at Polo and in pain, house-bound and exhausted... you've done the right thing, I think, in getting someone else to care for Polo for a while, so you can rest and recuperate.

 

I'm no training expert, I certainly have my own BC problems to work on, but I do want to offer this thought: reinforcement for the advice to set Polo up to win, as much as possible, and to PRAISE him. All the time. Really gush over him, make much of him. You love the guy, tell him, in a mushy tone he understands. "What a GOOD dog, what a SWEET BOY!!!!" whenever his behavior is decent, whenever you look at him. Tell him. Get REAL vocal. Even if he's not cuddly just now, he will drink it up. Dogs and people all respond to warm fuzzies. Even teenagers, especially teenagers, who will roll their eyes and make faces, they soak it up like sponges.

 

Someday he'll give it back, in spades.

 

Hang in there, and feel better soon!

[Peg O'Rourke]

Hmmm. I had a very good trainer when I took my BC to obedience school. It sounds to me that Polo is looking at you as a broken toy rather than a master. You have to be pack leader. Ditto the ideas on the long line--I wouldn't let him off until you can move quickly again.

 

He enjoys playing with his new babysitters, his doggy friends, and somewhere he's getting too many goodies which are giving him an upset tummy. No discipline. I, too, believe in positive reinforcement, however . . . time out to calm down and focus is not all bad. Take him to work with you in his kennel/crate. You take him out. Have your co-workers help you, but you handle the dog. He has too many playmates and you can't control him right now.

 

Yes, he's a puppy and puppies have lots of energy. But, I've found that mental stimulation can be almost as exhausting

as physical stimulation for a BC. Give him problems to solve. I liked the one where they hide the toys and start a game of find. I use a similar game with the tennis ball when my BC has an injury and can't run (She's alway tearing a nail if I let them get the least bit long). We also play "sneak." She "eyes" the tennis ball, which I'm holding in my hand. I say "sneak" and she creaps up on the ball--and then gently graps it out of my hand. It's a great sit-down game.

 

Part of your frustration is your pain level. If you feel overwhelmed, put the pup in his crate and go sit outside for awhile.

If you're allowed, a couple of aspirin can help, too. It slows your nerves down and they don't fire quite so fast. Heck, a cold beer will do it too.

 

I hope you don't have to give up your dog. Lead the pack. Hug Polo.