BC-Liz Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Hi, My b/f and I adopted Masi (see picture below) in Feb. or this year. She came from W. Virginia where she lived on a farm with another b/c. She was never socialized...at all. The only other dog she knew was the other b/c and the only people she knew were her owners. She never really trusted the man. When the wife passed away and the man started getting back problems he proclaimed that he was moving the other BC into the house (I guess they lived in the barn?) and that since Masi didn't respond to him that he needed to find her a new home. He gave her to Bimmers BC rescue where we got her. That's all that I know about her. She has been very shy of new people ever since we met her (she wouldn't even come up to us but to sniff and run away when we first met her). Since she's been with us she's grown to mostly trust my b/f, she's starting to trust our male roommate (new developement this week), and while innitially meeting new people she'll inch up to get some loving (now she loves her lovin and will nudge your hand till you pet her). When we first met her she was nipping at our other two BC's (who love everything they meet). Now she's excited about meeting a new dog and will go sniff and greet them immediately but then if they are pushy she'll start showing her teeth and barking or hiding by me. So she's come a long way and has done very well so far. But I think she's hit a pleatue (I somewhat blame my b/f). She's not confident at all and will hold her head down when you pet her. She gets scared VERY easily (this is what I blame my b/f for b/c he'll do it intentionally sometimes ). I want her to be like my other BC's who are so nice and happy all the time and just love people and kids and dogs and are just carefree (unless you have a ball). I've been trying to socialize her, we bring the dogs to friends housed that have other dogs and to the park but that's pretty much it so far. I've been thinking of signing up for the local dog park and starting to bring her to petsmart on a weekly basis till she's comfortable wherever she goes. So after all this background, my main question is, how do I build up her confidence? She thinks she can't do anything. I've done the letting her win tug thing...I can't pay for dog classes right this second but that's in the future. Has anyone else had this problem and fixed it? Please share your wisdom... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSnappy Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 I want her to be like my other BC's who are so nice and happy all the time and just love people and kids and dogs and are just carefree (unless you have a ball). My advice is to stop wanting her to be like your other dogs and accept her on her terms. If she is a shy, undersocialized dog, she's not like your other two. That doesn't mean she can't/won't gain confidence as time goes by, but 5 months in the grand scheme of a very undersocialized dog is not very long. Celebrate the fact that she has come a long way already and look forward to small changes as time goes on. But she is an individual, and if what you wanted was a carefree, outgoing, confident dog this is what you should have adopted ... you adopted a shy, undersocialized dog so you need to accept that this is who she is. So have hopes for her continued improvement for HER sake, but don't create expectations of her that she may not be able to meet. You'll just be constantly disappointed, and that's no relationship to have with your dog. Also, ditch the boyfriend who scares her on purpose. What kind of person would go out of their way to undermine your work with a nervous dog for the momentary and infantile amusement of spooking her? That's just pathetic. RDM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixie_Girl Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 The prob is mainly you have no idea how much is genetic, and how much was invironment induced. Some dogs are naturally skiddish. So, if that's the case, she will probly only go so far. I don't know what the deal is with BF, but I think if I had a "normal" dog, and he purposely scared it, he would get a whomp upside of his head. I won't say what would happen if the dog already had fear issues. I would definitely stop that IMMEDIATELY! If she thinks "she can't do anything", try letting her learn new things. Alone. Just one on one with you. Make a small hurdle and encourage her till she jumps over it. That's not a specific thing, just an idea of the types of things to help her feel success. Success makes for more success. Don't force her comfort zone all the time. Sometimes, you have to just to show her she CAN do it and live. Sounds like YOU are doing great with her. Get BF on board and you might see more successes. I am glad you seem so commited to this lil girl. Others will chime in with more specific ideas I am sure. Good luck to you both. She is a gorgeous lil girl. I love her coloring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurae Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 My advice is to ditch the BF, pronto. Aside from that, you might consider joinging the shy-k9 yahoo list. Loads of people very experienced with increasing a dog's confidence there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelpiegirl Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 I would just give her time. If the boyfriend actually scares her on purpose- get rid of him, or make it clear in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate it. Don't push things- let her enjoy her life in your pack. We can't rush to make dogs more comfortable with things- THEY have to do that. Just stick to a good routine, and be a benevolent leader. She will come around- sounds like she is making good strides so far. Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliepoudrier Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Ditto on ditching the BF or at least threatening him (and following through) with severe consequences for deliberately scaring an already shy dog. That's childish and moronic behavior if I ever heard of it. If he stops his idotic behavior, she will likely eventually come around. By scaring her, your BF is just setting her back that much further each time. (I had a shy rescue dog, my first PB border collie. It took her a long time, and she is still wary of strangers even at 10 years old, but she no longer cowers and acts like someone beats her and is clearly happy and head of the pack here. But it took time and patience for me to get her there. She's the tri in the lower right of my sig photo.) J. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BC-Liz Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Ok, first of all thanks to you who gave me constructive advice. B/f's not going anywhere he technically owns half of her. And I do yell and hit him upside the head everytime the makes her jump. He is an immature little boy when it comes to dogs and I can only hope to lead with my example and that maybe someday I actually hit some sense into him. My advice is to stop wanting her to be like your other dogs and accept her on her terms. If she is a shy, undersocialized dog, she's not like your other two. If I were to just accept her the way she was, she wouldn't have come as far as she has. I think it would be doing her a disservice to just throw my hands up and commit to the idea that she'll never be a socially happy dog. The reason I chose her and the Bimmers Bc rescue chose me (and my b/f) is b/c of our other dogs (and us I hope). Rhea and Gunnar are so balanced that they have helped in leaps and bounds with her. That's why I adopted an undersocialized, nervous dog, I wanted to help her have a better life and so far she has. I was just hoping someone out there had some ideas for me to try that would help even more. Thanks for the advice about the jump, we have recently started doing that actually. You wouldn't believe how happy she was when she did it the first time. And thank you, I love her coloring too. Though she looks kinda funny right now with all her long hair gone for summer. Are the dog park and petsmart ideas any good though? feedback please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSmitty Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Sorry, but add me to the list of people disappointed in your BF. Really, now. He is just undermining any progress she's making...no wonder she only "mostly" trusts him. If he keeps it up, she won't trust him at all, and I don't blame her. It could also cause her to have even more trouble with other men. I've been trying to socialize her, we bring the dogs to friends housed that have other dogs and to the park but that's pretty much it so far. I've been thinking of signing up for the local dog park and starting to bring her to petsmart on a weekly basis till she's comfortable wherever she goes. That sounds good to me, as long as you aren't pushing her beyond her limits. Watch for signs of stress and panic. Take baby steps! My other advice is to love her and accept her, limitations and all. She may continue to improve, and she may not. In any case, I doubt she'll ever be "like your other dogs". And that's ok. Find what makes her happy, and that's what you give her, even if it's not the same things as your other dogs. And I speak from experience. I have a weird, fearful, neurotic dog. He can't do flyball and agility like my other dogs. That's fine with me. He doesn't enjoy car rides or going to strange places, and that's fine, too. He does enjoy working sheep, so that's what I give him. He enjoys my in-laws, so that's where he goes to visit. I don't have any expectations for him, other than for him to be as happy and stress-free as possible. Do I wish he was "normal"? Sure. But not for my sake...I wish for him that he wasn't scared and freaky, but I love and accept him as is. So, give Masi time, patience and lots of love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BC-Liz Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 By scaring her, your BF is just setting her back that much further each time. That's what I tell him everytime! I just wish he listened more. It's not an everyday thing. It's when he thinks she's acting up that he startles her. Then she comes running to me, b/c I'm her security blanket. That sounds good to me, as long as you aren't pushing her beyond her limits. Watch for signs of stress and panic. Take baby steps! What sort of signs? Again, thanks for all your advice and encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryP Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 My advice is to stop wanting her to be like your other dogs and accept her on her terms. If she is a shy, undersocialized dog, she's not like your other two. That doesn't mean she can't/won't gain confidence as time goes by, but 5 months in the grand scheme of a very undersocialized dog is not very long. Celebrate the fact that she has come a long way already and look forward to small changes as time goes on. But she is an individual, and if what you wanted was a carefree, outgoing, confident dog this is what you should have adopted ... you adopted a shy, undersocialized dog so you need to accept that this is who she is. So have hopes for her continued improvement for HER sake, but don't create expectations of her that she may not be able to meet. You'll just be constantly disappointed, and that's no relationship to have with your dog. Also, ditch the boyfriend who scares her on purpose. What kind of person would go out of their way to undermine your work with a nervous dog for the momentary and infantile amusement of spooking her? That's just pathetic. RDM I couldn't have said it better myself! I rescued an extremely undersocialized, starving, possibly abused 3-4 year old bc not quite a year ago. He was terrified for first 2 months that we had him and would literally run from one hiding place to another. He spent all of his time either in his crate or hiding behind my palms in the backyard. He would not come to me for several months. I would have to go out and put a leash on him to bring him inside. Fast forward 7 months and he was running on the beach with the other dogs, barking because he was happy (he hadn't made a peep for the first 6 months), spending more time out of his crate, and would come running to me whenever I called him. But, he still was not a "normal" dog and he never will be. He never got over his fear of my bf and would run whenever Steve walked into the room. I think that we could have kept him for his entire life and he probably never would have gotten over his fear of my bf (and my bf never intentionally tried to scare him like yours does - grrrr!). Dogs like this are never going to be normal and if you think that you can "fix" them to make them normal, then you are going to be very disappointed. That doesn't mean that they can't be functional and happy and certainly doesn't mean that they can't continue to make improvements throughout their lives. But, she will never be the social butterfly that your other bcs are. There are critical learning periods for dogs, just as there are for people. Dogs that weren't properly socialized as puppies and young adults are never going to behave like dogs that were. That's why it makes me so angry when people get a puppy and then stick it in the backyard and ignore it without provided the necessary social interactions that it will need to develop normally. It's such and easy thing to do, IMO, but it's such a difficult thing to try to reverse the damage of it not being done. As far as what you can do to help her. I'd say expose her to as many new experiences as possible. Push her comfort level a little every day, but be careful not to expect too much of her, or expect her to continually make progress every day. She will have periods where she regresses a little. That's OK. Also, be careful not to coddle her. But, the number one thing that you will need to do, IMO, if you want to keep this dog, is to accept her and love her for who she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSmitty Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 What sort of signs? Panting, drooling, glazed over eyes, inability to focus on you or accept food, are all signs that a dog is over-stressed. Watch her body language and tail carriage for signs of how she's feeling, too. You want to keep her experiences in new, potentially scary places, short and sweet. End the session *before* she gets to the stress point. As I said, baby steps are your friend and don't push her. If you push her too hard, it will only backfire and you may lose ground that you've already gained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urge to herd Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Liz, We can't see what's going on - you're the only one who can judge how well your shy girl is doing, when to push a little and when to let her go at her own pace. I've got a shy girl too, I refer to Shoshone as our Animal Planet Cops dog. She was taken from an awful, long term situation, is probably genetically inclined to shyness/timidity, and we've made our share of mistakes and had some wonderful triumphs along the way. We've had her for 9 yrs come this Halloween, and she still shows us from time to time that you can teach an old quirky dog some new tricks! About the BF - you've gotten some strong responses. If BF is going to stick around, you can try a couple things. Get a behaviorist, a good trainer, or some expert of some type to come 'observe' the BF and Masi interact. Maybe the rescue could send someone? Have the expert tell BF that scaring the dog is a really bad move. Sometimes, the Significant Other in our lives doesn't pay any attention to what we say, but pay somebody to say the same thing? It's magic! Ask BF to watch Turid Rugass (sp?) video about calming signals with you. Then ask him to see what Masi's body language is telling you both. Sometimes enlisting someone's help is a quicker way to open their eyes than telling them. If that's not possible or doesn't work, keep your own responses to the BF's obnoxious behavior very low key. If you're upset with him right after he's pulled a stunt, then Masi is picking right up on that and getting more anxious. Really, though, if BF won't take the word of somebody he perceives to be an expert, and if Masi really can't take it, then to be fair to her, she's not a good fit for your family. How do you tell how far to push? Observe her carefully. If she shows even subtle signs of stress repeatedly, then she's not getting anywhere and may be getting worse. If the signs of stress are subsiding, or show up and then disappear relatively quickly, you're doing something right. Lastly, every minute with a terrified dog has to be taken on it's own. Because she was ok yesterday with a new dog, doesn't mean she's ok today with 2 new dogs. Take new experiences/people/situations one at a time, and give her downtime between those exposures to regroup. I wish every success for you and Masi. Please let us know how things go. Ruth n the BC3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliepoudrier Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 BC-Liz, I think the more *fun* learning experiences you can do with her, the better it will be for her. Maybe just have the BF stop intereacting with her for a while until you can help her gain more confidence. It does help to have a more stable dog(s) there to set the example. With my Willow, she really wanted attention, but was very wary of strangers. However, her jealousy at Indy (Mr. Sociable) getting all the attention, say, from the electrician working on my breaker box, helped her to overcome her fear enough to approach that stranger for attention. Although I don't like dogs jumping up on me, I did allow Willow to do it (put her feet up on me) because I took it as a sign that she finally felt secure enough to do so. If she plays, I would base her learning experiences in play right now. No pressure of training for agility or anything like that--just fun things that you figure out she likes to do. With Willow it was frisbee, and she really came out of her shell when we played. Willow was also really funny about walking on a leash, but by always walking her with Indy, I actually taught her to heel, sort of by "osmosis." Another thing that really helped my shy dog was stockwork. I don't know if you have any interest in that direction, but if so, you should pursue it. Masi may not ever be a star, but it's amazing what taking control of livestock (in the right training situation) can do for an unconfident dog. I think what RDM was saying is that you shouldn't set your expectations of Masi too high. She is what she is, and as someone else said, she may improve tremendously, just a little, or not at all beyond what she's done already. I think RDM's caution is a good one--if you expect too much from her and then become frustrated that she's not meeting those expectations, you're setting her up for failure (and as you know, dogs can very easily read your frustration, even when you think you're hiding it well, and knowing that she's displeasing you somehow but not really knowing why could be disastrous, especially now). I think you have the right ideas of what you need to do. You just need to persist, keep knocking the BF upside the head (maybe add a 2 x 4?), and accept even the smallest change without expecting great strides. She may surprise you and turn around completely, but if not, I'm sure you'll love her just the same! ETA: Ruth's suggestion to bring in an "outside expert" to explain to the BF how to properly interact with Masi is an *excellent* one! J. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSnappy Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 If I were to just accept her the way she was, she wouldn't have come as far as she has. I think it would be doing her a disservice to just throw my hands up and commit to the idea that she'll never be a socially happy dog. Okay, don't quote a snippet of my post out of context and present it as the sum of my advice. That suggests you didn't read everything I wrote. I also told you to celebrate how far she has come, and to celebrate continued improvements as they happen, which they will, but that 5 months is not very long to turn an undersocialized and shy dog into an outgoing and relaxed dog. What I said was that it's good to have goals, but it's not fair to have expectations. She's her own 'person' so to speak and is not like your other dogs. I never once said not to strive for improvement - I suggested you adjust your expectations to her ability to change. But you must also keep in mind that she may NOT change. Some dogs DO plateau at a certain point in their social development and stay there - it may be as far as they can go. If you *expect* her to be something different, you may be disappointed, and that's not fair to her. RDM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LJS1993 Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 BC-LIZ you are getting great advice so far. However in terms of the boyfriend, how about he just grow up a little bit and let you handle the dog? Sounds like he doesn't have the capacity or maturity to properly deal with a shy dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OurBoys Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Petsmart is a good idea. I would take her no more than once a week though. And forget about the dog park for now. Paula is right-baby steps. By the time you start taking her for classes, she'll be use to going there. I don't think anyone is saying to just accept Masi the way she is. I feel they were saying Masi can and will improve but don't be disappointed if she doesn't become a mirror image of your other dogs. Dogs have a way of bringing out the kid in guys. What might help the relationship between Masi and BF is if BF started having command time at home with her. Yes, even before class starts. Learning things help increase confidence in dogs and if she associates treats with your BF, she'll slowly come around. And your BF will start feeling pride instead of 'child-like' when Masi starts obeying his commands. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
setsail Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Everyone seems to have great advice. My friend rescued 2 feral border collies. Unsocialized and probably came from a ranch before being dumped off at the federal rangeland. Both dogs seem to have similar backgrounds and while they might not be littermates, they seem to come from teh same place. Both dogs are totally different. My dog started as timid, petrified of men, overstimulated. It took 3 yrs to finally be able to take him places with a lot of action. And even then he decides who to take pets from, and usually stays with me. His brother however is very nervous around other dogs, people, and different situations. He has warmed up some, but will probably never be the social butterfly Jackson is. To help Jackson we started small. We introduced him to close friends and neighbors. We never showed dissapointment if he didn't approach someone asking to pet him. If he started to ack skittish we just ignored him and let him approach when he was ready. We praised him for meeting new people and sometimes asked people to give him treats. I walked him an hour every morning before sunrise and one woman would stop and give him a treat. In a few weeks time he knew the sound of her sneakers in the dark and wiggled danced when he heard her in the dark. He wouldn't let her him for a week so this was a big deal. Once he was comfortable with that, we started going to places with people in the distance. The park, store parking lots, picnics. Places where he could see, but didn't have to interact. Instead of petsmart we went to a local shop that allowed pets. It was smaller and less people. We didn't take him to the dog park much and just played with dogs in the neighborhood. Once he got interested in frisbee his confidence shot through the roof. He had focus and a way to shut out the people around him. We also worked on tricks in public areas. If we took him to a street festival or downtown on a busy night and he got anxious we just went through a few tricks. He would roll over, sit, play dead, beg. People LOVED to watch him and it helped center him. The clicker was a HUGE part of his training because he was afraid of my DH's voice, even for praise. The click was a totally new sound and he had no past association with it. So the clicking sound was a universal constant both at home, in the city, at the park. If he behaved well at home he got the click and if he behaved well on a walk he got a click. It seemed to short circuit the anxiety cycle in his head. I'll probably always have to carry it, but I rarely need to use it anymore. But it has taken me a very long time to make him comfortable with people. People are always saying what a high strung dog he is, but he has come leaps and bounds from the pup he was. Those that knew him back then can't believe the progress. He is confident, he seeks out affection from people, he is compassionate with small children and elderly, he is comfortable walking around our little city. But here were 2 dogs, same background, same baggage and they are totally different. Grant it, my friend has not had the time with her dog (her parents cared for him while she was in the peace corp. she's had him for about a year now), but still, both dogs have different levels of anxiety and fear. So try to look at Masi and slowly introduce her to the world. Don't push too hard, but as she opens up reward her for trying. Tell the BF to knock it off. Seriously. Her memory is better than we think and by allowing him to torment her you are eroding any trust she has in you. The single biggest confidence booster I've had with jackson is his trust in me. Work on that and her confidence should slowly grow once she realizes that you can handle things and that she can always rely on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BC-Liz Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Wow thanks for the great advice setsail, juliepoudrier and urge to herd. I have talked to a couple friends of ours that I know he respects and I have asked them to chime in when he does these immature things. They agree with me on his behavior and have agreed to help me repremand him (I'm sure this will be greatly appreciated by Steven...b/f *please note sarcasm*). I feel I've made him out to be the badguy though. So let me elaborate. Masi does VERY well with steven especailly when I'm not there. She responds to him, when they walk together without me, she's right by his side. He is loving and compassionate with her. But he's still rough and he doesn't understand why she can't handle it b/c Rhea and Gunnar were able to (I've tried to explain it but he's thickheaded). juliepoudrier-- it's neat that you mention the jealously thing. That's how she's gotten some of her confidence is watching Rhea go up to strangers and getting pet. In the beginning, if she saw Rhea do it, it must be ok. Now she'll do it anyways, even without Rhea paying any attention to the stranger. MrSnappy-- I read all your post. As I hope you read all mine. No need to take offense. Everyone, thanks for the great advice. I've always known that she won't be as carefree as the dogs I've raised from puppyhood and I do love her for who she is. She has the most adorable personality when she lets it shine. I just want her to be happy. So keep the good advice coming, and whatever stories you might have. This is my first experience trying to help a rescued dog so I don't know what I'm doing right or wrong. Thus why your advice and stories are very helpful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbc1963 Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 I had a similar type of dog. When I first got him, he growled and barked at everything. EVERYTHING. Leaves blowing by, people taking a walk, other dogs, the wind... yeesh! He would spook very quickly, and then try to hide, tail between his legs, when we took a walk. I think it was maybe four weeks before I realized that, when taking him for a walk, he had looked back at me and done that kind of relaxed "smile" face they do when they look at their owners when walking. That was the first time I'd seen him relax, and it was a wonderful moment. But they were few and far between for a long time. I agree that tiny baby steps are best. Go very slowly, and introduce everything in a "safe" way until the dog feels comfortable. I used to take my dog for short (10-minute) loops of the downtown area near here. He had to stop and "hide" in doorways any time a human was passing us on the sidewalk. I literally had to scout out the scene around every corner, to make sure that there weren't going to be any unexpected people popping up! Then, one year after I got the dog, I suddenly realized that I could walk him through city crowds and he didnt' flinch or get scared at all. It came slowly, and I didn't really know it was happening until I saw his giant leaps. Still, he's never going to be happy-go-lucky. He'll still duck if a stranger moves too fast to pet him. I explain that he used to be a basket case, and they always ask, "How long have you had him." When I say, "Two years," I always feel like I have to explain how much progress he has made - they only see the startled dog, while I see the gigantic steps he's taken from where he was. I have to admit that I think a person who deliberately scares a timid creature wouldn't be worth my time... but you must love something about the guy. Try to bring him on board with you; he can grow as a person as he works with the dog! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
setsail Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 It sounds like she is coming along. jackson did better when we separated him from his brother because he fed off Wiley's anxiety. So your other dogs will have a big impact on how she preceives the world. Jackson was totally trial and error. We had a few meltdowns were I pushed him too hard, and some times were I thought he couldn't do it and he wowed me. I try to live in the moment with Jack. I don't think about the dog i want him to be and I don't give excuses based on the dog he was. If I allowed him to misbehave because I felt bad about his background then I'm not helping him. If I don't try to push him a little bit each day then he'll never grow. It is a fine line between having confidence in your dog and forcing that confidence on them. I had confidence that Jack would do okay so I didn't push or get frustrated. I knew it would happen someday. But if I tried to make him into that dog and not let him use his brain then he would never learn that the world is okay on his own. Best of luck with your girl. She sure is beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelb'smum Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Also, ditch the boyfriend who scares her on purpose. What kind of person would go out of their way to undermine your work with a nervous dog for the momentary and infantile amusement of spooking her? That's just pathetic. RDM Ummm I would look at that good and hard..... My ex finace undermined everything I did with the dogs, and because I finally saw that, i got to "see" that he was really a jerk. if your bf really really does care he'd stop being so immature and respect that fact that you have done so well instead of *break down* the trust that she gives him, and disregard your wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BC-Liz Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Ummm I would look at that good and hard..... My ex finace undermined everything I did with the dogs, and because I finally saw that, i got to "see" that he was really a jerk. if your bf really really does care he'd stop being so immature and respect that fact that you have done so well instead of *break down* the trust that she gives him, and disregard your wishes. *sigh* all too true. I'm hoping it's just immaturity and that he'll grow out of it. I'm not one to take people's sh*t for very long. He just doesn't understand. He thinks he's making her stronger by spooking her. Like she'll eventually grow to not be spooked so easily and thus be a stronger dog. I think that's why he doesn't listen to me when I tell him it only hurts her progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LJS1993 Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Ummm I would look at that good and hard..... My ex finace undermined everything I did with the dogs, and because I finally saw that, i got to "see" that he was really a jerk. if your bf really really does care he'd stop being so immature and respect that fact that you have done so well instead of *break down* the trust that she gives him, and disregard your wishes. Yes, and many times it reflects on his behaviors and attitudes towards children. Note I said many times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryP Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 He thinks he's making her stronger by spooking her. **Insert Scream** All that he is doing is reinforcing her fears and making them even more real to her. Would you throw spiders at a child who has a phobia of spiders? Maybe if you want them to have night terrors. UGH!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelb'smum Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Its true, I would never allow that man near a child...... (not the OP's, but my EX), his idea of punishment (dog or child) was to hit it, yell, and scare..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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