How do you and your partner/significant other divide dog duties?

[JohnLloydJones]

anyone but me think men don't quite tune into the dog's signals as well as women do?

 

That isn't the case in our home. My wife, who was not a "dog person" before we got Senneca, does not tune in well to Senneca's signals. Nor can she communicate back effectively.

[bcnewe2]

I love reading about the differences in households.

 

I've been married for an eternity. My DH has grown in what he is capable of doing. What he does is different than what he's capable of doing. I'm sure it's a gender thing

 

The dogs are mine, period. I do all the upkeep when I'm home. I can ask for help but it's like a brownie point trading thing. If I ask, then I'll be expected to pay back the brownie point at another time. It's a strange system but works for us.

He says he never wanted a dog much less the amount we have now or might have at any given time. Since moving down to AR I've found myself going out of town way more than I ever did back in St. Louis. I usually take the working dogs with me but sometimes I've been forced to keep one home. The couch dogs always stay with DH.

 

What I've learned is he is wonderful at doggy duties. Better than I could ever have imagined. When I get home, the dogs that have stayed with him aren't really even that happy to see me! They have all taken over my spots in the house. My bed spot, my couch spot, and my laying around with DH getting my own scritches spot

He teases me that Jazz is a better cuddler than me!

The final straw was, one day I came in from feeding muttering about how strange the dogs are. Raven will only settle down to eat after you kiss her firmly on the snout. I started to say that to my DH and before I could get out what I must do, DH says, yeah he knows that he has to kiss her on the nose. I asked how he knew that, he smiled and replied, Raven told me!

From that point on I quit worrying about the dogs and sheep when I go out of town. He is a saint for letting me do what I want and not only supporting me but deep down he's more of an animal person than he'll ever admit!

If spoiling is training then he's the head trainer around here!

 

Spouses…you gotta a love um!

Kristen

[OffTopic]

That isn't the case in our home. My wife, who was not a "dog person" before we got Senneca, does not tune in well to Senneca's signals. Nor can she communicate back effectively.

I think being a dog person does make a huge difference but perhaps now that your wife is becoming attached to Senneca, she can learn to tune in to the signals. But maybe it's just an instinct that some people have and some people don't.

 

I know Mike loves both dogs and the cat. But he's not tuned in the way I am and sometimes doesn't believe me when I say "something is off about this one" or "crap, the cat is going to throw up".

Even after just 3 months with him I can tell the difference between Finn's "I gotta go outside" bark, his "I'm playing with the cat" bark, his "there's someone walking down the street with another dog!!!" bark, his "I'm bored. Play with me." bark, etc.

I can tell when Gonzo is meowing because he's about to throw up on the rug. I can tell when Gonzo is meowing with his toy in his mouth. They sound almost exactly the same, but I can hear the subtle difference.

 

One night around 2 a.m., I was sound asleep in the bedroom (front of the house). Mike was in the computer room, reading (back of the house). Max was standing at the back door, whining to go out.

As I stomped through the computer room towards the back door, I got an honestly bewildered "why are you up?"

[MJWPG]

I also do most of the work, I feed them daily, give med's do all grooming, walking or running them, all obediance training from puppy on..., taking them to their prospective sports. He picks up their poop.

I was a little frustrated yesterday because he was on his 4 days off and asked him to walk the 2 older dogs (we have 4) and he said he didn't feel well when I got home, so guess who had to do it after working all day.

I like you am more physically active than him but it would be nice once in awhile for him to participate.

MJ

[KrisK]

The majority of the 'dog' work falls to me including 'poop' patrol My DH is good with the dogs and often comes with me when we walk. He will take the dogs for their walk if I'm working late and while I was really sick, he did all the dogwalking. He will walk all 4 at the same time.....I walk them 2 x 2 so I get double the exercise. He's not as inclined to do 'playtime' and Cricket is by far his favourite so she gets special attention.

I have to say that he works at home and just recently took a job working 2 nights a week because he REALLY doesn't like to leave the dogs at home alone ...... and that means more to me than anything else does

[JohnLloydJones]

I think being a dog person does make a huge difference but perhaps now that your wife is becoming attached to Senneca, she can learn to tune in to the signals. But maybe it's just an instinct that some people have and some people don't.

 

I know Mike loves both dogs and the cat. But he's not tuned in the way I am and sometimes doesn't believe me when I say "something is off about this one" or "crap, the cat is going to throw up".

Even after just 3 months with him I can tell the difference between Finn's "I gotta go outside" bark, his "I'm playing with the cat" bark, his "there's someone walking down the street with another dog!!!" bark, his "I'm bored. Play with me." bark, etc.

 

I think it takes time to tune in to dog language. My childhood dog was a couple of months older than me, so I guess I learned "dog language" in the cradle. That may explain why I can scold (or praise) Senneca without saying a word or moving a hand. I never really thought much about it, because it's instinctive, but I think it's mostly body language that lets dogs know who is a "dog person" and who isn't.

 

On a separate note, I am still amazed the extent to which BCs have become a woman's dog. I grew up in an area (and time) where sheepdogs (as we called them) were very much a man's dog. Or is it just that this board is giving a skewed view of the world?

[Lunar]

I think being a dog person does make a huge difference but perhaps now that your wife is becoming attached to Senneca, she can learn to tune in to the signals. But maybe it's just an instinct that some people have and some people don't.

 

I know Mike loves both dogs and the cat. But he's not tuned in the way I am and sometimes doesn't believe me when I say "something is off about this one" or "crap, the cat is going to throw up".

Even after just 3 months with him I can tell the difference between Finn's "I gotta go outside" bark, his "I'm playing with the cat" bark, his "there's someone walking down the street with another dog!!!" bark, his "I'm bored. Play with me." bark, etc.

I can tell when Gonzo is meowing because he's about to throw up on the rug. I can tell when Gonzo is meowing with his toy in his mouth. They sound almost exactly the same, but I can hear the subtle difference.

 

One night around 2 a.m., I was sound asleep in the bedroom (front of the house). Mike was in the computer room, reading (back of the house). Max was standing at the back door, whining to go out.

As I stomped through the computer room towards the back door, I got an honestly bewildered "why are you up?"

 

:D Sounds so familiar!!! And yes, I can actually tell if my cat's going to puke just by how he's standing BEFORE he starts gagging. Same with Zeeke.

 

DH has gotten pretty good at telling when one of the pets is "off" though. I'm still slightly better, but he does pick up on things now.

[ZoZo]

I am still amazed the extent to which BCs have become a woman's dog.

 

I like that, I'll be sure to mention that to my wife! I suppose that's a valid observation- maybe because a BC is such a time intensive animal? My DW and I pretty much split up the dog stuff. I do the getting up extra early during the week for our three mile dog walk and I'm in charge of evening trips to the park. I do most of the training and I'm the handler at flyball practice and I take them to the vet when needed.

[OffTopic]

On a separate note, I am still amazed the extent to which BCs have become a woman's dog. I grew up in an area (and time) where sheepdogs (as we called them) were very much a man's dog. Or is it just that this board is giving a skewed view of the world?

Oh, that's an interesting topic, too. Yeah, it used to be "a boy and his dog". Lassie and Timmy, not Lassie and Sue.

Maybe it's because women were expected to be sweet and tidy and calm, while boys could get dirty and play hard. Dogs were outside animals and girls didn't go outside and play, they stayed inside and knitted....their Persian kitty in their lap fighting for the yarn.

Such an idyllic time.

 

I'm teasing you, of course. But there really may be a grain of truth in that.

[Sue R]

For many years, I was a full-time homemaker/farmer and dog/pet and some stock chores (like milking the goats, feeding the kids, feeding the veal calves and young stock, and the horse care) were mine. We did the cattle chores together, including vaccinations, feeding, and such, and I did the field check each day during calving, generally by myself. If Ed was gone, I did it all. If I was gone, he did it all (but I minimized what had to be done and goats were usually all dry). Until not too many years ago, I did all the hay tedding, raking, and baling and some of the mowing. He generally does it all now, although I do some raking and tedding.

 

When we got Skye, and then Celt, they were "my" dogs even though they were gotten for the farm stockwork, and I did it all. Ed was the one who wanted to adopt Megan and so we called Celt "my dog" and Megan "his dog". However, I did all the feeding, exercising, the dog classes, stock training lessons and clinics and practice. Ed sometimes came on the walks and actually went to one clinic. Just one. No lessons. No practice in the field. Ed just wanted to be able to use them when he needed them on the farm.

 

Then I got Bute. Bute decided off the bat that he didn't like Ed because he thought Ed was scary - where he got that idea, I will never know. After about a month, Bute decided Ed was okay when he was working in the kitchen and could give treats (now, this is the man who didn't believe in training treats but would give treats/scraps by hand after dinner or if he was working in the kitchen). As time as gone by, Ed and Bute have gotten closer and closer and now Ed calls Bute "his dog" with great affection.

 

I still do virtually all the feeding when I am home (and he does it readily if I am not); all the pooper-scooping; all the training, both for stockwork and otherwise; most of the exercising when I am home (and, again, he does it readily if I am not - and we do lots of dog walks/farm chores together); all of the stockwork practice; routine vet visits (Ed came along to get Bute after his neuter, to make sure his little buddy was okay); all dog food and supply purchasing; and most everything involving the dogs, even though I work now part-time or full-time (although it's flexible, thank goodness). He sometimes does that last potty trip of the evening. That's always nice.

 

Ed supports my involvement with the animals and willingly supports them financially. While I do the training and lessons, he is happy to utilize them when we need to on the stock, but I'm almost always there to do most of the directing of the dogs' work. He doesn't care for the training but he sure appreciates having them to help. As time goes by, and with his increasing affection for Bute and their good partnership, he is becoming more and more involved with the dogs as a group, but especially with "his" buddy, Bute.

 

By the way, while Ed is not a cat person, two of our three cats are "his" cats and, while I do all the litter pan stuff, vet visits, etc., he feeds and loves on them.

 

I'm content with our arrangement. The dogs were my idea and I've picked out or chosen all the Border Collies but Megan, so I feel that I have the major dog chore/training responsibility and he shoulders the day-to-day financial burden that the farm doesn't cover. He's always there when I need him.

 

Some folks who have posted sound like they have pretty "one-sided" arrangements. If it's a matter of contention, then I think you either need to get it worked out to be more equitable or resign yourself to an unbalanced relationship, at least when it comes to your animal care.

[OurBoys]

This thread has been a fun read for me!

 

I have about 90% of the dogs care. I don't complain because I put myself there. I feed the dogs because they are on a 'special' diet. DH might know what that is but I haven't asked. I usually take them to the vet but that's because I can 'read' them better. DH feels I 'read' them better as well because any time I tell him one of them is 'off', he never says "Are you sure?" or tells me it's my imagination. He never questioned or balked at the expense of finding the right diet for JJ while I was experimenting with different foods until JJ was able to come off his allergy medicine. I'm the one who does poop control. I'm the one who bathes them. I'm the one who brushes them. I'm the one who exercises them each day. DH went with me when JJ was going to obedience classes but I'm the one who trained him. DH listened to the instructor while I kept JJ's attention with different commands so he wouldn't disrupt the class. I also did the homework with him. I kept telling DH he needed to have command time with JJ but he wouldn't believe me. He thought once JJ was trained, all he had to do was give him a command and JJ would listen. He does now but I had to laugh when DH told JJ to 'Down' one time and he wouldn't. The 3rd time he gave JJ the command, JJ looked at me. I gave him the hand signal so down he went. DH got upset and told me JJ didn't listen to him! He listened to me! Duh!! If you want him to listen to you, then get busy with the training!

 

If DH gets up in the morning before I do, he will let them out to use the bathroom. But because he doesn't go out with them, they usually just pee so I take them out again after I feed them. DH is the one who clips their nails and trim their paw fur. DH is the one who taught Jake how to catch with popcorn. Now everytime we take them out in public to play frisbee, DH is the one who has to throw the most frisbees. (If anyone is around, they always stop and watch and it does DH proud to be the center of attention.) DH will toss them the ball or some other toy if they bring it to him while he's watching tv. And now he will get a treat and have the boys 'Heel'. (He loves watching them do it at the same time.) They don't go out front very often but sometimes DH will ask them if they want to go to the mailbox with him. But he hardly ever puts them to bed at night. I don't know if he thinks he's being a 'bad dad' or what. If we stay up later than the dogs, JJ will go ahead and go to bed and Jake will walk up to me and lay his head on my lap to tell me he's ready to go to bed. (Jake likes his routine. We go out for one more pee time. When we come in, JJ goes into his crate and Jake follows me into the kitchen while I get their cookie. Jake walks with me to JJ's crate and stands there while I give JJ his cookie and shut his crate. We then walk over to Jake's crate and he walks in, turns around and takes his cookie.)

 

OP, if it's really bothering you your SO isn't contributing enough, would it help if you sat down and had a heart-to-heart talk with him? If that doesn't help, the only suggestion I have is to keep telling yourself you're doing it for the dogs-not for him.

[Pat W.]

I do have to say that the kids come in handy, my daughter will take them to excercise during the week because I dont get home til after dark, both kids will feed when asked and my son will come with me to play doggie in the middle with the frisbee when I ask so I do get some help.

[SnickerKitten]

Well, I'm the one that wanted a dog for ohhhhhhhh a year or two before I finally just went out and found Stormy. DH would have been much happier if I had waited longer- I don't think he would ever have gotten around to telling me, "Ok, now is good." I'd been possibly diagnosed with ovarian cancer and when I was told that I did NOT have it I decided I was getting a dog as soon as I found the right one for ME.

 

So, two days later I brought Stormy home after meeting him severall times and deciding that he and I would be good together. Once I brought him home I let my family meet him and get to know him but I didn't let anyone do ANYthing for him until he and I were completely bonded. Besides just wanting a dog, I wanted a partner for Search and Rescue.

 

Now, my daughter helps me out sometimes. When I'm out of town with the Red Cross and can't take him with me she'll take over his care. My husband will put him outside to go potty on the rare occasion that I leave Stormy home *if* I remind him. Stormy is extremely obedient for me, as I do all his training. He will obey my daughter if I'm NOT there- if I AM there he doesn't obey anyone other than me without looking at me for approval. My husband? Forget it. He made the mistake of taking Stormy to the dog park without me ONE time while I was out of town. He couldn't believe Stormy was the same dog that we've taken to the dog park together. He does play with him at home sometimes, too- usually when Stormy instigates it or if I'm playing with Stormy and invite him into it.

 

All duties fall to me- that's how I wanted it so I don't get upset about him not helping. Well, except for shoving pills down the throat, I do make him do that for me. Dh will occasionally accompany us to the dog park but he'll usually bring his kayak and go paddle while Stormy and I play.

 

Foster dogs.... my daughter takes on most duties with foster dogs. My dh will occasionally walk one when I take Stormy for a walk.

 

The really funny thing is that my dh is the dog person and I am absolutely a cat person. The sad thing is that my husband has said that after seeing the way foster dogs get so attached to me even though it's my daughter mostly taking care of them he's not likely to ever bother to get a dog for himself again because it would end up being my dog no matter what. I told him I didn't think that was true and that a dog would be likely to bond with him if he did the same thing I did in the early days with Stormy. Heck, he DID steal my cat afterall!!!!

 

Lori

[hsnrs]

We divide dog duties. Hubby feeds them in the a.m. and I feed them in the p.m. The rest of the stuff is usually my responsibility. P.S. We will be at Buckeye next weekend. Look us up. We'll have a Titanium 5th wheel with a Dodge pickup. Narita

[mum24dog]

In answer to the OP's question - we don't.

My husband doesn't like dogs - but he must still love me after 35 years together as he puts up with them for my sake.

The deal was that I don't ask him to have anything to do with them and I stick by that.

It works in my favour as he's glad to have the house to himself when I'm off at agility trials most weekends and doesn't complain.

 

Pam

[silhouettestable]

Divide? In addition to doing 100% of all farm chores (horses, chickens, turkeys, peacocks, rabbits)and probably 95% of the parenting for our one child, I take care of my 6 dogs, he takes care of (sort of) his one. In all fairness, he works long hours and I stay home, running a seasonal home-based business teaching riding lessons, so the farm stuff is "my" thing. He's always said he doesn't care how many dogs I want to have (though why should he care, when I do everything for them? and I'm glad to, they're all my babies). If I'm out for several hours somewhere, he'll let the dogs out into the backyard, or in if I've left them out, and he'll pet them once in a while but other than that he doesn't have anything to do with them. His dog is a hunting beagle he brought home that lives out on a chain Even though he's always supported me getting more dogs, I was against him bringing his dog home because I knew what kind of life he'd have. Minimal interaction, just the basic feeding and watering once a day. I keep trying to tell him to spend more time with him, clean up after him, walk him etc. but then he thinks I'm nagging him. So I sic our daughter on him, he'll listen better to her and not call it nagging. She bugs him to walk the dog and wants to go with them. The dog's too strong for her to walk alone so he can't suggest that. Since he's a hunting dog I also can't let him run free with mine when we're out in the fields or he'd run off. Our daughter will often go out with him when he's feeding, and encourage him to clean up, helping to point out all the spots that need picking up. Good girl!