KrisK Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 I, for one, plan to follow this to the letter 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards. 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Just emailed it to friends and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandra s. Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Oh stop it!! I mean, I love it, and this: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with theintention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!" should be plastered all over the place, Christmas or not, but dang am I hungry now! And there isn't a single cookie in this place right now (and there's no point in trying to change this state of cookie-absence long-term, believe me, I would win )! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bc4pack Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 AMEN!!!! Could you pass me ANYTHING with chocolate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixie_Girl Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by KrisK:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!" Now I know what my new motto is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrisK Posted December 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Hey Linda, How's the shoulder? Have you mastered throwing frisbees with the other hand...or is that hand reserved for the martinis and chocolate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixie_Girl Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 LOL oh, yeah I got the frizbee throwing down! And the chocolate and the adult beverages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smileyzookie Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 *gag* fruitcake lol.. Im glad there were standards lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Hey, I love fruitcake! Maybe it's because my mother made the best moist dark fruitcake. And our traditional Christmas bread is Pyraga - an eggy Lithuanian white bread made with honey, currents, and lots of dried and candied furits. Virtually identical to Italian Panatone. And, as "pyraga" it is technically not a fruit bread (duona) but a fruited yeast cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nik Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 One thing you forgot to add on that list....Chocolate Covered Cherries!!! Like eggnog, they only come around this time of year and believe me, I eat at least one box a night. Can't get enough of them!! My mom asked me the other nite if I was gaining weight (which I can definitely stand to add a few more pounds) and I told her probably so w/ all the Cordial Cherries I've been eating lately. I'm just glad my mom and I are the only ones in the house that like them More for us!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carson Crazies Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 I too LOVE fruitcake!! There's a place in, I dunno, Sanford maybe that makes the BOMB of a fruitcake. Even folks who hate fruitcake generally like this one! My biggest things at Christmas (junk-wise) are the Reese's Trees, and the Snickers Nutcrackers. Yumm-O . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoku's mum Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Good one, Kris! But I now have a strange urge for a martini.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pax Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 I haven't seen an episode of "The Simpsons" in years but all of a sudden I find myself sitting here thinking, "Oooooo, rum balls" in a Homer Simpson voice. I am not so sure this is a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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