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Guilt.............


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Believe me, lately I wouldn't place a dog with myself!!! I feel so much guilt about not spending time with Usher. I have been so busy. A typical day like today was ....... up at 7 play fetch and run a bit, then fix my mom breakfast and try and keep Usher out from under her feet, when she complains, he goes in his crate, then out again for some more backyard fun only to get a phone call to babysit my 6 month old grandson & 8 year old grand daughter- too young of a baby for Usher. So, back in the crate for 3 hours. Then they leave and he gets a little more exercise while I'm trying to clean up and up pops the other grand kids for visitation. He's fine with the Grand son, but not with the visitation mother- so into the crate for another 3 hours. Finally, they leave and Usher is so wound up and I am so tired .....

Luckily, Saturday was "USHER DAY" I tried so hard to poop him out. He was up at 7 AM went to the school and played in the fields that were covered in water and fetched ball for about an hour and a half. Took some time out and then went to the doggy park and spent about 2 hours there out running most of the dogs there then a day of garage sales etc...

Now he's forming such bad habits because of not enough attention between me taking care of my mom, my kids, my grand kids etc... I'm feeling so much guilt. Tell me this will pass.

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I'm sure he ok. It sounds like your trying your best to spend as much time as possible with him, and still make everyone else happy also. I don't think your a bad dog owner by any means. You spent a whole day just for him :rolleyes: Everybody has crazy parts in their lives. Sometimes I feel bad that Black Jack doesn't get out more when I'm working, but he gets his fair share of time so he's pretty happy. I know your doing your best to help everyone, just don't forget you.

 

What kind of bad habbits do you mean?

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What kind of bad habits do you mean?

Well, when I got my mom's breakfast, I had it ready and by the time I helped her up and to the table he was standing on it and eating most of it. This dog has NEVER been on the table!!! Good thing it was healthy---- Counter surfing, he's never done since he was young, with food in his bowl- chewed up my boyfriends sweatshirt- kinda spendy to replace. It's just "signs" that he's not getting enough exercise and attention and mental stimulation. I'm not new to this game. I "know" the signs and I should be put in the "bad owner" section- but just for a few more weeks until we get settled. I am trying so hard to please everyone. Usher is the one that is suffering.

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These guys are pretty forgiving. Mine sat beside me for days, after my surgery, until Dad could take them to the park. And they did ok.

 

I think they understand the difference between when we just can't get the time, and when we just don't WANT to make the time( but can if we want to).

 

Don't feel guilty.

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between me taking care of my mom, my kids, my grand kids etc

It doesn't sound to me as if you have anything to feel guilty about. We all do the best we can with what little we have; and it appears that you are doing more than most. Sometimes there just isn't enough of us to go around; but setting aside an "Usher Day" sounds like a pretty great idea to me. And dogs are sometimes more understanding that we give them credit for...

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Believe me, lately I wouldn't place a dog with myself!!! I feel so much guilt about not spending time with Usher. I have been so busy.

 

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (or whatever)...

 

It will pass, Usher will be none the worse for wear, and you will be able to catch your breath and relax :rolleyes:

 

Hang in there!

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Sometimes we spend all of our extra time w/ our dogs and we get just as used to that as the dogs do. Then comes along an event in our lives that takes us away from that and we don't have quite as much time for our dogs as what we would like. I suppose it would be like a stay at home mom who spends her every waking moment taking care of her small children and then she goes to work. Its basically the same kind of guilt. But the children adapt after some time, and so do the dogs. In all honesty your probably being harder on yourself than Usher is in his little mind. Hang in there, its alot of changes for you and for him at one time, but both of you will get through it TOGETHER!! Don't feel guilty (easier said than done) because its just taking up the extra mental energy that you could be spending putting to other good uses. :rolleyes:

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Thanks so much everyone. Things have slowed down a bit. Usher is now fetching and back to playing the last few days and a happy camper. I bought a border collie magazine. I knew my Mom wouldn't read a book. She read a few articles and now is an "authority" on border collies. LOL. When the real estate guy came, she was telling him about how they need a job to do or they will go bonkers. I think she realizes Usher needs his time, too.

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I don't think you should feel one minute of guilt. I think you are doing the best you can under trying circumstances.

 

That said, (and I KNOW you will accept this in the spirit in which this is given) is it possible that maybe, just maybe, these guilty feelings you have should be looked at a little bit more closely?

 

 

 

Here's my take on it, fwiw...

 

I would be seriously aggravated to have to mess up my dogs' and mine routine. Frankly, if someone is living in my home, they need to respect what I'm doing, and that is, caring for my loved ones WHICH INCLUDE my dogs to the best of my abililty.

 

Now, because I GET it, that this is the healthy way to protect yourself but it's easy to sort of gloss over when you are trying SO hard to make her comfortable and get her nod of approval, so to speak... I can understand why you would not want to draw a line in the sand with her.

 

However...

 

It's been my experience that you need to begin as you intend to go on. If you overextend yourself in the beginning, when you are finally exhausted and drop back to what you consider "normal", it's going to be a let down to some extent for the other people, no matter what you do. And that can cause issues.

 

AND, even more important, Usher is not just a pet. He is an integral part of your well being, and asking you to put that connection aside is tantamount, in my book, to saying your health doesn't matter. AND IT DOES.

 

With love,

 

Celia

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AND, even more important, Usher is not just a pet. He is an integral part of your well being, and asking you to put that connection aside is tantamount, in my book, to saying your health doesn't matter. AND IT DOES.

 

With love,

 

Celia

 

This is so true. I have taken care of my mom completely. From helping her get dressed to getting her in & out of the tub to cooking and serving meals and being her driver. I don't know how she managed on her own before. I think she is getting used to it and believe me, I'm not complaining. She won't let me push her in a wheel chair because of my tremor and my bobble head. So, with me helping her in and out of the car for errands I can't take Usher with me to help me.

The last time I saw my neurologist, I was shaking up a storm and he asked me where my dog was. I said it was a new building and I wasn't sure about it, so I left him home. He told me to bring my dog next time because it WAS like medicine to me. So, I guess I have to remember to think of myself also.

I'm the child (even at 52) that's always trying to please her mother. Oh and BTW, she says I'm on the computer too much. LOL.

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So now you can explain to your mother what Usher's job is and how important it is? And that he has to be allowed to do it so he doesn't go crazy? Also that he's like medicine to you and you need him. Maybe it would help if they learned a special command to tell him to give her space when she doesn't want his help?

 

Also she could become his advocate with the family and teach them how important he is for your health and about his job. I understand when it doesn't work with little kids, but it is his home and the adults should respect him.

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