Neighbors

[bcnewe2]

So I have one neighbor who lives with in a short hike down the hill. She has Aussies. This fall she rescued a Pap but by November she was asking me to help find her a home. No biggie, I took her back to MO to my parents. The neighbor forgot to tell me all about this little dogs "issues". My parents love her but if I'd of adpoted her I'd be pissed at all the hassles that came with her that I wasn't informed about. I had watched her but really didn't see all the bad habits cause it was short durations of time being spent with her.

Mainly she's a barker not potty trained and very hard to handle. Glad my parents are game and love her with all her faults.

When I place a dog, I'm always honest, some say to a fault but my opinion is that if you don't know what you're getting into then it might backfire and I get the dog back. I've never had a dog come back so I figure it's working. This pap is a PITA and even though she deserves a home, it'd be much better if she'd have told me the issues and given my parents a heads up on all the issues.

She told me she was placeing the Pap as her landlords knew she had 2 dogs so she was worried that they'd have issues if she had more. Well by the time I got home she already had another dog. That tells me there was more to the story than what she told me originaly, like she didn't like the little pap anyways.

 

So now she's back to 3 dogs. 2 Aussies, and 1 mini aussie. I tried to explain what a mini aussie was but she thinks this dog is grand. OK good as long as I don't have to take care of this dog. But I do....she's always going out of town asking me to take care of her crew. Which means I go down there 3 times or more a day let them out, play with them and then feel bad when I have to go home and leave them alone again. But she's usually gone for only the weekend so it's not that big a deal. The Aussie is a fear biter and won't let you touch it, not much better than the pap but it doesn't bark quite as much. I tried to explain that she needed to get the MA out to socialize and she said she does all the time. No way, I never see those dogs go anywhere.

 

Well, she stopped by this morning, said she knew I'd be home for the holidays, asked me to take care of her crew till the 27th. That's 6 days for those dogs to be alone. WTH...I wouldn't do that to any dog. BUt of course being a nice neighbor I said ok. She did take the mini aussie to someone else for the duration cause the last time I watched them I told her it was way to long to be crated if she was going to be gone more than 1 night. She keeps the mini in a crate when no one is home. She has big bags of cheap dog treats sitting on the table. They're all overweight, guess that's how she eases her guilt? I won't even bring my crew a treat cause they are so gross...beggin strips and "prime cuts" they smell real good but reading the ingredients I might as well be giving them flavored cardboard spread with fat!

I don't know what to tell her and I don't want to piss off a neighbor but I think she's a big user. Why does she even have dogs? She has horses too but she has them stashed at a different neigobors for the winter as it's easier to care for them if they are penned up. Again....why does she even have animals? I've seen her ride 1 horse 2 times since I've been here. That's one expensive habit to just let stand around.

 

It's a shame that my crew are such a**'s or I'd bring her dogs up to the house. But I know we'd all pay the consequiences if I did that. Mick is a Dick and I think her older male Aussie might be the same. Although he's sweet to me.

 

BahhhhHumbugggggg....

[Guest echoica]

oh wow, what a horrible situation. it's not hard to tell that you feel bad for those dogs and i would too. i agree with you - she shouldn't even have them if she is not going to take care of them properly! and how do you say anything without coming off as rude? maybe you should say 'no' from time to time so she gets that she can't just expect these continual favors all the time. i know, not very helpful...for a tough situation.

[Liz P]

I used to pet sit for all my neighbors, but they paid me. Often they would return from their trip, pay me in cash and give me a small gift as well. I have had friends pet sit for me when I have gone out of town. Even though they were friends and would have done it for free I paid them what I would have paid a pro pet sitter. I hope your neighbor is at least making the task worth you time.

[Lizmo]

BahhhhHumbugggggg right back at ya. Right now I'm dealing with neighbors who think it's fine to let there Chi roam and just a few minutes ago saw a loose pup, no more than 6 weeks, running around with no owner in site (I know where both dogs came from though. Bad neighborhood). I feel like pulling my hair out. And the city says the main problem with stray dogs in this area is they aren't getting fixed. No. It's called owner responsibility!!

 

/end my vent of the day. lol

[Ms.DaisyDuke]

That sucks. Personally, I would either tell her that she shouldn't own pets or ask her for money. But then again, I'm not one to care what others think. I recently threatened my own aunt with taking her dog back to the rescue they got him from if they didn't step up their pet care game.

[bcnewe2]

She gave me a BC night light. Big Whoop. But I really don't care about getting paid. What I care about is leaving 2 dogs alone except for my visits 2-3 times per day potty and feeding visits is not enough interaction for over 2 or 3 days. This is 6 days could be more as a big storm is coming in. I stay as my schedule allows longer than needed to feed or potty, but how much can 15 minutes or 1/2 hour 2x's per day do?

 

Maybe I'll come up with a way of hinting that she'd be paying for this service so she'll appricate it but I have a feeling she'd pay but not worry about the dogs.

She's just a user. We got a trash dumpster a couple months ago. She had mentioned to me when I first moved here that we could share a dumpster. So when I got one I figured she'd use it and pay something. Nope...she uses it and it gets filled before the monthly pickup but has never offered to pay. I'm thinking of telling her the dumpster isn't big enough and I'd like to get a bigger one but it's 8$ more a month does she want to chip in.

 

Since movning here in March I can't even count the times I've watched her dogs, to numerous, then there's the driveway snow scraping, DH smoothed out the rain wash in her driveway this summer too. Bad thing is we live on the side of a mountain so her drive way is seriously sloped and long, DH has no brakes on his tractor so it's quite difficult for him to do. he's been down there more than I care to think about fixing her stuff. She even hinted to him that she needed her oil changed on her 4 wheeler. I laughed an said, DH doesn't change ours much less anyone elses. Maybe it's the single woman thing kicking in but I swear whenever I get someone to do or help me do something, I always pay one way or another. Cooking, trading, giving lavish gifts like #'s of lamb meat or cutting hair (I used to be a beautician in a former life) or money, I always feel like it's an even trade even though I think I"m always more greatful cause whatever they help or do I couldn't do by myself.

 

So more bah humbug.....

I think I'll try baking some holiday goodies to take my mind of things and maybe gain a few pounds in the process! I'll hike down to her house this evening so I work some of the goodies off!

Ok....your right end of vent for at least today!

eta...

 

But then again, I'm not one to care what others think.

It's the opposite for me. I always care/worry to much, besides the bro to my landlord who already hates me and has been up in my face is her friend and I don't want/need to stir the pot anymore than I've already done. She's always reminding me to do something speical when I'm cleaning up the junkyard so the bro won't get mad. To hell with the bro. This place looks better than it has in 50 years. Let him bitch till his cows come home...only not on this prop anymore!

[Liz P]

That is why I suggest you ask for payment for your pet sitting services, so that she values them. Same goes for the trash collection, driveway resurfacing, etc. There are people in this world who are users and will keep on using others as long as they can get away with it. If you don't stand up to her it will never stop.

[ejano]

Sometimes we have to stand up and say enough....Regarding the dumpster, you might suggest, you need to be paid, or she should find somewhere else to put her trash as the dumpster will be going away, or getting a lock put on it.

 

As for the dogs, well, there are different kinds of hoarding than the kind discussed in the other thread, though they might be stretching the definition. Anyone who brings home more than one animal and doesn't have time for any of them has a problem.

 

Liz

[geonni banner]

Boy, Oh boy! I'm all for neighbor's helping each other, but this is transitioning into abuse. I'd put a padlock on the dumpster and give her business cards for the pet-sitters in the area.

 

I know it isn't right, but once in the 70's when I lived in LA there was a neighbor couple (no kids) who owned a Golden Retriever. They got him as an Xmas gift, and he just ran loose. Not neutered, no tags, ran around with a choke-chain on. After the umpteenth time of seeing him narrowly avoiding getting run over I said, "That's it!" I had friends visiting from Oregon that really took a shine to him and when they were getting in their van to go home I tossed a hot dog in the van and "Riley" went in after it. He lived a long happy life in Oregon with my friends.

 

Yes, I had been to talk to them about the dog, tried to be as diplomatic as possible. Told them if they didn't want the responsibility of a dog that GR rescue could re-home him. Tried to suggest things like tags, neutering, basic obedience. They weren't having it. They never even put up posters when he disappeared. They mentioned in passing that he had "run off." These were not poor people. They were educated and well off.

 

Yes it was stealing. Yes it was wrong. I probably wouldn't do it again. But I don't feel bad about it!

[Ms.DaisyDuke]

Ya, bake some goodies. I'm sure they will make you feel better. If you want to ship some up here, they'd make me feel better!

 

Let me tell you, I appreciate what you're doing for these dogs and they aren't even mine. People like her don't deserve pets.

[scomona]

That is extreme. That lady is really taking advantage of you and your family. What she is doing is so unfair and it is just so rude to take and take and take from other people...yuck.

 

Something that I have learned in my short life is that often people just don't know what they are doing. Some people seem to trust that if they are asking for too much or overstepping a boundary they will be told to stop. If you say yes- that tells them that their behavior is acceptable. Not everyone has the same moral code and sensitivity to others feeling.

 

It is kind of the same with dog training...."let's see if I can get this, ok...now this...... and maybe she will be ok with this......" When your dog pushes you too far or get too greedy you say no, you say it firmly and you stick to your guns. Why? Because you want your dog to be well behaved and well adjusted.

 

I know this sounds a bit strange... but if you can apply this here it may help you to reconcile your need to be a "yes" person and helpful. If you can understand that if you say "no" you are actually helping her to understand that she is asking for too much.

 

She may not clue in this time- but if someone else also adopts this policy and says no- enough no's will give her the insight into her own character to change If you let her know that you are busy and you read somewhere that Aussie's need more interaction than a pee break, so you wouldn't feel right taking on that job and feeling like you were neglecting them- you are helping her to be a better dog owner and person. Of course she may not listen, but you have done your best. The "nice" thing to do is not to say yes, the "nice" thing to do is to set personal limits and boundaries to show her by example what it means to take care of yourself and your pets.

 

I hope this helps.

[SS Cressa]

WOW You guys are really friendly neighbors!!! 0_o I barely say hi to my neighbors. I can't even imagine letting a stranger even a neighbor come into my house while I am not there let alone to come into my house to care for my dogs If I wasn't there...!*No offence My dogs always come with me or stays at one of my dog friends houses. And I always either pay them or get them something.

 

What happens if something "nice" goes missing? or gets lost? or one irresponsible move and something horrible happens(dog gets hurt/killed/missing, house burns down, damage to house, etc...)?

[pansmom]

Wow. Just wow. You are too nice, Kristen! I never have this sort of problem with anyone. We won't go into what that says about me...

 

Next time she asks you to take care of the dogs and claims she "knows" you're going to be home for the holidays, or the weekend, or whatever (the nerve!!!!), I would tell her actually you're not, that you are so sorry but you and your dogs are going somewhere and what bad timing the one time she needs you, you'll be gone. Say it's a long day trip, a herding competition, something. Make something up. Or tell her your hips are bad or you're having an operation and you can't make the trek down to her place. Or tell her you are allergic to her house, or are going somewhere without your dogs and you heard of this great pet sitter you're excited about using - hey maybe she could try it! There are a billion ways to handle this. One of which would be to use Geonni's hot dog method to rehome one of her dogs every time she's gone!!!! Oops, the MA ran away... Ha, ha. (I'm kidding about this one, though I feel for Geonni in that situation and totally sympathize.)

 

Actually -- ETA -- rereading an above post, this sounds like the best solution of all: "If you let her know that you are busy and you read somewhere that Aussie's need more interaction than a pee break, so you wouldn't feel right taking on that job and feeling like you were neglecting them- you are helping her to be a better dog owner and person. Of course she may not listen, but you have done your best. The "nice" thing to do is not to say yes, the "nice" thing to do is to set personal limits and boundaries to show her by example what it means to take care of yourself and your pets." Just say you really feel for the dogs and it breaks your heart the whole time you're not there so you can't be responsible, because you can't stand to feel guilty for 6 days.

 

As for the dumpster, I think you should do exactly what you said. Turns out there's not enough space to share, since it's coming out full before its time, does she want to pitch in for a larger one? But you know she never will so just go ahead and buy that lock!

[juliepoudrier]

Don't know what to say about the dogs, except to just say no. As for the dumpster, if she's not paying for half now, I doubt she'll pay the extra for a larger dumpster. I think I'd just tell her that she needs to split the cost of the dumpster with you (right down the middle) if she wants to use it. It's not a pleasant thing to have to say, but it's not fair to you (or your hubby) for your neighbor to take such advantage of you. If she were being helpful to you in return that would be one thing, but as others have said, she is a user and you are enabling her. Harden your heart and tell her no.

 

J.

[Maralynn]

WOW You guys are really friendly neighbors!!! 0_o I barely say hi to my neighbors. I can't even imagine letting a stranger even a neighbor come into my house while I am not there let alone to come into my house to care for my dogs If I wasn't there...!*No offence My dogs always come with me or stays at one of my dog friends houses. And I always either pay them or get them something.

 

What happens if something "nice" goes missing? or gets lost? or one irresponsible move and something horrible happens(dog gets hurt/killed/missing, house burns down, damage to house, etc...)?

 

It's not uncommon here for someone to ask a neighbor for a favor like that. And they're all quite trustworthy. But you don't take advantage of a person like that. For example our neighbor from time to time stops by and plows our drive out in the winter. He always gets a pie within a couple days . If you need a favor you're also ready to give a favor when someone else needs one.

 

I am a bit more picky about who takes care of the dogs, but that's because they're a bit more high maintenance than your average dog. My brothers GF is really good with them. It's a huge bonus that she lives just around the block!

 

ETA - Kristen's situation is a bit bizarre. That lady is just using her, nothing neighborly about it. You don't expect your neighbor to be your personal servant.

[bcnewe2]

I knew you guys would tell me what I needed to hear. I do have one thing to add that might make a bit more sence. I forgot about it when I was complaining.

So this summer the landlord had me purchase (with their funds) a new house (new to us) and put it in all the while still cleaning up the junkyard. So for about 6 weeks I didn't have a usable shower, although I did have water for the stock and dogs. Some of the time I broke down and got a hotel the rest of the time the neighbor would let me use her shower. I'd go in while she was at work, play with her dogs, clean up a bit, shower then leave the place cleaner than it was when I got there(I'm quite anal about taking a shower in a clean bathtub and hate walking on dirty floors getting out of the shower).. Then we finally get the house in and the well goes out. So another 2 weeks with no water what so ever. We are both renting our places and both have well water. While I was totally waterless she'd let me go down and fill gallon water jugs to haul up for my livestock. I would have to fill my car with jugs of water just to have enough. I didn't drink her water...it looks yucky (but mine is crystal clear)

So I guess I feel like I owe her for letting me shower and use her hose. That's how this whole thing started. But that's long over and really she never even saw me when I was using her water.

 

I think I'll tell her that we're getting rid of the dumpster, it's just to expensive (40 bucks a month) I had it placed between our drive and hers so it was convienent for both but I can have it moved down our drive and she won't even see it. It's just a shame that people are so.....crappy.

 

So now that I told the water part of the story does that change anything?

[bcnewe2]

Forgot to add...

I went out on a limb and made pate! Never made it before. Now I'm waiting for it to chill in the fridge. Hope it's good.

Made pumpkin bread and dinner to boot. Hubby wants to know what I want!

Thanks for all the ideas and suggestions!

[geonni banner]

I knew you guys would tell me what I needed to hear. I do have one thing to add that might make a bit more sence. I forgot about it when I was complaining.

So this summer the landlord had me purchase (with their funds) a new house (new to us) and put in in all the while still cleaning up the junkyard. So for about 6 weeks I didn't have a usable shower, although I did have water for the stock and dogs. Some of the time I broke down and got a hotel the rest of the time the neighbor would let me use her shower. I'd go in while she was at work, play with her dogs, clean up a bit, shower then leave the place cleaner than it was when I got there(I'm quite anal about taking a shower in a clean bathtub and hate walking on dirty floors getting out of the shower).. Then we finally get the house in and the well goes out. So another 2 weeks with no water what so ever. We are both renting our places and both have well water. While I was totally waterless she'd let me go down and fill gallon water jugs to haul up for my livestock. I would have to fill my car with jugs of water just to have enough. I didn't drink her water...it looks yucky (but mine is crystal clear)

So I guess I feel like I owe her for letting me shower and use her hose. That's how this whole thing started. But that's long over and really she never even saw me when I was using her water.

 

I think I'll tell her that we're getting rid of the dumpster, it's just to expensive (40 bucks a month) I had it placed between our drive and hers so it was convienent for both but I can have it moved down our drive and she won't even see it. It's just a shame that people are so.....crappy.

 

So now that I told the water part of the story does that change anything?

 

Absolutely not! It was no real inconvenience for her to let you use her water. It's the sort of thing that neighbors do (or should do) for each other.

 

Let's say your car broke down and you asked her to ride along when she was doing her grocery shopping once. Would that make it ok for her to come over to your place after your car was fixed and say, "Oh, I'm going to borrow your car this weekend for a trip to visit relatives - we'll only be gone three days. You won't mind that will you?"

 

Personally, I never leave a pet to be cared for by a friend or neighbor if I have to go away. No matter how careful or knowledgeable they are, accidents can happen. I don't want to risk having resentments and/or doubts about a good friend or a neighbor I will potentially be dealing with for years. I hire a proven-trustworthy professional pet-care person or boarding facility. If I can't afford it or can't take my critters with me, I just don't go!

[bcnewe2]

I think with all my dogs that's exactly what she thinks I am...a professional pet sitter.

And just so you know how bad I am...I'd probably let her borrow the car for the weekend.

I know....I'm a sucker with no backbone.

Wonder if the have a class for growing backbone?

It's pitiful that I come on here and bitch when I can't find a backbone and say anything to her. I guess I get what I put up with.

I was hoping that one day DH and I would go off for a weekend and I'd ask her to feed the sheep and guard dog, or check up on my son who'd be in charge. But I'd NEVER leave my dogs home alone for even a night. And really the kid doesn't need checking on. He was trained by me so does it my way. But it was a nice thought that there would be someone close if I needed them.

 

OK...off the fed the dogs at the bottom of the hill. These poor dogs. I made the pate and what was left in the blender I added a bit more cream and some water mixed it up and the dogs thought they'd died and gone to pate heaven with dinner. I saved her dogs some. The poor dogs should not be the ones suffering. Now to hope they don't poop on her rug...or maybe that's the ticket to get her to understand? A giant pate poo from a very over weight Aussie that sits on the carpet a week...yeah...now that's a dream....

[juliepoudrier]

No, your use of her water doesn't change anything. Presumably if her well went out, you'd offer her the same. I have a neighbor a mile down the road and there are times when she can't get home from work at the regular time and she'll ask me to let her dogs out in the middle of the day. I don't mind doing it and I don't always have a need for her to reciprocate, BUT neither of us takes advantage of the other. For example, that same neighbor is going out of town for Christmas. She could have asked me to check on things for her, but instead she hired another friend of ours to farm sit and is paying her to do so. Your neighbor is taking advantage of you. There's a big difference between being neighborly and taking advantage/using. And if we're talking well water for which she doesn't pay then you didn't cost her anything by using the water (except for maybe some electricity for the pump, which you no doubt paid back in spades by also cleaning her bathroom!).

 

I had another neighbor who had a dairy goat that she milked daily. She and her husband, as well as their son, who managed the farm, used to like to take a lot of vacations--all together. She would ask me to come milk the goat (and check on the other animals). After a while I began to resent it. I finally told her in a joking way that people who farm aren't supposed to go on vacation and that if I wanted to be tied to a schedule milking an animal I'd have my own milk goat (which is the truth: we grew up with dairy goats that supplied our milk and I know how to milk, obviously, but I don't want to be tied down like that, even though I like fresh milk...). She got the message and didn't get her feelings hurt either. I'm not one to always stand up for myself, but if you don't then people either don't know that they're really inconveniencing you or they come to think it's okay to take advantage, and neither is okay.

 

I also see nothing wrong with pointing out to her the actual cost of the dumpster and telling her if she wants to continue to use it she needs to pay half (and if a larger dumpster is necessary then she needs to pay half of the additional cost as well). Frankly if she's filling it up then she's getting more than an equal share of the dumpster anyway.

 

There's a reason for the old chestnut "good fences make good neighbors," and I think you can interpret that to mean that good boundaries make good neighbors and you just need to set some boundaries for your neighbor.

 

I know it's hard because you feel sorry for the dogs, but sometimes you have to harden your heart. It sounds as if they're being fed more than enough and at least there's more than one, so they can keep each other company. If she chooses not to give them the necessary human interaction, that's not something you need to take on yourself. Besides, I imagine if you wanted three more dogs to care for you'd like to be able to choose the dogs you want!

 

J.