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feeling very guilty

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UGH I feel like such a bad "mom" right now. I had abdominal surgery on Friday and so even getting to the bathroom requires help (I have a laptop that is on the bed with me right now). I am the one who is the primary care giver for our dogs and cats and although my husband is doing his very best to take care of me and the animals I'm afraid he's not doing everything that he should for our kids and they're having to spend most of the time outside or in their kennels. We tried having them inside but (since they're usually allowed on the bed) they kept hurting me trying to snuggle.


My poor husband was up at 4:30 with me on Friday to take me to the hospital and up with me until 11 last night and then up every hour with me to help me to the bathroom and then was supposed to get up at 6 this morning to get the dogs to the park and running and exercised before he had to leave for work. He couldn't get himself up and said he'd do it after work (although he was supposed to do it before and after work)... I feel frustrated because I know they're not getting the care they need but I also know if I try and grumble at my husband about it that he will think (and maybe rightly so?) that it's not fair and he's doing the best that he can. He had to come home on his lunch break today to help me since technically I'm not supposed to be alone but no one can stay with me.


The Dr said I should be able to drive and do short walks by Monday if I'm really careful but I can't hold the leashes because that could herniate my incisions if they happen to even accidentally pull (plus i'm not sure i will be able to walk far enough to even make a difference to the dogs). I can't even throw the ball or anything. we do have a treadmill but that's not a good "only" exercise.


Any ideas or thoughts?? I'm dying of guilt over here. . .

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Sorry you are suffering from post-surgical guilt... :D There are always times that we can't keep up the regular routine with our dogs for some reason, whether it be just the flu, a twisted ankle or worse, surgery. I'm of the belief that, should need be, dogs can adapt quite readily to much lower doses of exercise during such times. So I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. I find it easier to remind myself that it is only temporary and perhaps you can strike a deal with your husband that he can take them out after work rather than before if that is easier for him. And no, its not fair but its part of being a multi-dog, two human household -- at least this is what I tell my DH :D and we just have one! Do you have an enclosed yard that they can go out into and play with eachother while you watch at the door? No need to throw anything. Appears to me like you have 4 dogs, is this right?

As for the bed and cuddles, thats a tough one. I don't know how insistent your dogs are but mine is easily deterred by a protective perimeter of newspaper :rolleyes: .

Good luck and get better soon!


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Don't worry so much over the dogs! 2yrs ago when I shattered the top of my arm bone, and had to have a partial shoulder replacement, my guys saw very little activity for quite awhile! For one thing, I had to wait a week for the surgery, during which time I had no use of my left arm, and every movement made it hurt like hell. Then, after surgery, DH could only stay home for 5 days and he was back out on the road. So, I would say, for a good month, they had very little anything! I had to sleep in the spare room cuz it has a twin bed. That way there wasn't room for the dogs to get to my shoulder! They lived, and have probly forgot all about it! Just get yourself well. The dogs will be fine. Take care!

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What trouble!


No guilt for you! You had SURGERY! You get to be taken care of, and get to be a bit of an inconvenience to people right now. Imagine if anyone you knew had been in the same situation - wouldn't you have agreed to watch their dogs, visit them, bring them meals? Now it's time for you to let other people do that for you.


The dogs will be fine for a short chunk of time outside their normal activity level. However, if you're really worried... maybe you can find a neighbor or coworker who would agree to do the morning thing, since hubby seems to be under a lot of strain about the surgery. I think if someone asked me to take on a single walk a day, I'd be fine with that - I'd just add it to my schedule. Or maybe you know a stay-at-home Mom with a dog who could watch yours for a few hours and let them burn off some energy? Is a professional dog-walker out of the question? (I know at times it would be for me, because of the $$. But maybe just for the interim week or so?) Maybe a church or community group you belong to has a "sunshine committee" or something similar, where they help out people who need it?


As for hubby, well... you woke up at 4:30 on Friday, too, and they sliced you open. My pity is for you. :rolleyes:


Good luck in working this out. Don't worry. The dogs will be fine. The more stress you put on yourself about them, the slower you'll heal and get back to their regular routine.



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Thanks guys. yes, they do have a nice backyard with lots of things to play with. Usually we leave the dog door open so they can go in and out at their leisure but since I'm hope injured they are outside today. They have dog houses and water and every things so I'm not worried about that...it's just the whole, they're really young (yes, I have 4 and the oldest is 3 years old). You're right thought. At least it's temporary.


Our dogs will get off the bed if asked but I can't catch them always before they get up and bound over and have been stepped on a couple of times before we decided to nix that until I am healed.


Thanks again and I will talk to DH about after work play/exercise time.

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Wow...lotta guilt on this board right now! :rolleyes: I just posted a few days ago about feeling guilty because my fibromyalgia was making it impossible to do much of anything, let alone play with and walk our one Border Collie, Scooter. So, I'll pass along what other wise and caring members told me. Paraphrasing here:


Don't feel guilty. The dogs will be fine. They're in a loving home--so many dogs would love to be in their position. It won't harm them for life if their routine is changed a little. If your DH doesn't have time to do physical things with them, have him teach them a new trick, or some other mentally stimulating thing for them. Just as tiring, if not more than, a walk.


This is me talking now. LOL. Take care of yourself. Dogs are pretty intuitive about these things--they probably know that you're not feeling 100% but they love you anyway and will wait patiently for you to be back to normal (better than some people I've come in contact with!) :D Don't rush the healing process. Trust me--it's not worth it. The last thing you want is to end up back in the hospital. Yuck! :D I suspect some of what you're feeling is guilt and some of it is YOU missing THEM! :D



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Don't feel guilty. The dogs will adapt. My dogs go through periods where they don't get much exercise at all. My husband and I both are out of the house 11-12 hours a day. The dogwalker only plays when the weather cooperates. My hubby and I have bad backs and I have bad knees. Needless to say, there are days they get outside to potty and that is it.


Can you baby gate off the bedroom so the dogs can stay inside? That may help alleviate some of the guilt.


You need to heal before worrying about the dogs.

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