Cody is leery of men but loves all women

[nowwown]

Yesterday, my in-laws arrived for a two week visit (TWO WEEKS)! Cody had never met either of them, and they are lifelong dog people so are very comfortable around all types of dogs.

 

Anyway, Cody was barking at my FIL but lovey and squirmy around my MIL. Even after everyone had settled in, he still seemed jumpy and leery of my FIL. He seems to be like that with most, but not all, "new" men. Any thoughts?

 

PS We have had him since 8 weeks old and believe he was treated kindly by the breeder prior to that. To our knowledge he hasn't been treated poorly by any male.

[painted_ponies]

BC are very smart dogs and recognize which is the superior gender.

 

OK, not really. I don't know - maybe it's because men tend to be bigger and louder and maybe appear a little threatening even when they're not? I've noticed that with most animals, it seems to be the default setting to prefer women. There's usually a reason if a critter prefers men. At least IME. For example, my Violet and my younger paint horse both adore men because of very positive early experiences. And my little terrier-ist was initially afraid of me, but that's because the hateful old lady who had her before used to swat her with a broom. Abbie's decided I'm ok now, but she still hates brooms. But since I've known her, she's always preferred men to women.

 

I've heard it said also that women have simply evolved to relate well to small non-verbal critters.

[Shetlander]

Originally posted by painted_ponies:

There's usually a reason if a critter prefers men. At least IME. For example, my Violet and my younger paint horse both adore men because of very positive early experiences.

I think some dogs just prefer one geneder or the other. A lot of it does have to do with the experiences they have though it can be as simple as the female owner is not as into dogs as the male owner who is crazy about them so the dog sees men as more fun and reinforcing. It could also be that they don't see one sex or the other as much which makes the dog uncertain. They don't need to be mistreated by one sex to prefer another though that happens too, unfortunately.

 

It might be very helpful for Cody if you have men he meets give him little treats. Go at his pace, though. If he is nervous, it's important for the person not to be all over him. Let Cody go to the person. I had a really shy sheltie and I used to tell people to pretend he was a cat, ignore him and he'd come to them when he was ready. I also had them give him treats which goes a long way to reassuring a sheltie.

[Kat's Dogs]

I think that part of it may be the preference of the dog, and the other part is that men tend to look more dominant. Lower voices, taller, not-so-graceful movements, etc. All things done subconsciously but still done nonetheless. Some dogs can pick up on that and respond is the way Cody is, and try extra hard not to seem like a threat to certain men. Also it could be the fact that the dogs know that the man is the human Alpha and don't want to mess with guys for that reason.

 

Rather then giving Cody treats (and just associating your FIL with food) it might be better for him to take Cody on a walk, play some ball/games, get lower and more doggie-level if possible and play that way. It would be important that your FIL doesn't TRY to make friends with Cody (by reaching out to pet, always watching Cody and making eye contact, etc), or try to make Cody obey commands if Cody is weary of him, but just give Cody time and do neutral fun things (like going for a walk and such - bonding time).

 

Best of luck!

[Shetlander]

Originally posted by Kat's Dogs:

Rather then giving Cody treats (and just associating your FIL with food) it might be better for him to take Cody on a walk, play some ball/games, get lower and more doggie-level if possible and play that way.

I was referring to men in general who might just be meeting Cody for a few seconds or minutes. It isn't so much about forming relationships but helping Cody to associate men with something he likes which might be food. If the FIL has the inclination and time to do those activities with Cody that would be great and may improve Cody's relationship with at least one man outside the nuclear family.

[Jack & Co.]

Liz, I did the treat/snack thing with Jack and the UPS guy and it worked great. I have Invisible Fence and I want him to be OK with the UPS guy coming into the yard.

[Shetlander]

Originally posted by Jack & Co.:

Liz, I did the treat/snack thing with Jack and the UPS guy and it worked great. I have Invisible Fence and I want him to be OK with the UPS guy coming into the yard.

It varies from dog to dog, but if a dog is food motivated, a little treat can go a long way to making them think kindly of people. I'm pretty sure my Lhasa could give a rip about developing relationships with new people but he's thrilled to take one or two pieces of kibble from anyone he meets (he's a cheap date ). If he keeps seeing the person, he'll become friends but there's always a mercenary element to the little thug.

[sandra s.]

I think men tend to have a bolder way of moving. Kessie is very sensitive about that too. She actually had an abusive male owner, but she reacts the same way to women who move in a certain way.

 

For example, here's a picture I took while I was packing my stuff, high on adrenaline and nervous as hell, before one of our first herding lessons:

She doesn't normally look at me that way, and I certainly wasn't angry at her at that moment, just nervous, high (not chemically ) and in a hurry, but she found something about me threatening...I think men have more of that "something" in their body language, whatever that "something" is.

 

Once she loses her fear of a man, she absolutely adores him!

[nowwown]

Thanks for all the good ideas. Within two hours, Cody was lovey, kissy, huggy around my father-in-law and is now his "best friend". So it just took a little while for Cody to warm up to him. Now that I think about it, a large man (friendly neighbor) met Cody when Cody was really young, about 8 weeks old, and I think the man scared Cody as he was raising his arms, bluffing that he was "chasing" Cody, etc. It was with all good intentions and the man meant it strictly as play but Cody's response at the time was to be scared, to bark, and be intimidated by that man. It took several more attempts before Cody would go near him again. Now they're okay together as Cody has gotten older, Cody greets him cheerfully and friendly. So maybe that initial situation caused Cody to be leery of all men, especially "big" men!-

[shelb'smum]

Yay for Cody!!

Shelby is the same way though, but with everybody... its funny though the one male that she truely "loves" is somebody I have always extremly enjoyed being around. its funny what dogs will pick up on.

[Vickkers]

I'm glad to hear that Cody is doing better with your FIL... kind of OT but when I was a young girl we had a cocker spaniel we called our little 'gaydar' because she hated all men...unless they were more on the femenine side.