My husband wants another dog-sorry, long

[vickim]

My husband wants to bring another dog into the household. Existing is Whisper the BC, Ubu the Rottie, and sometimes Blaze, the Pit Bull, and Heather the cat (who doesn't really figure into the story much: Ubu ignores her, Whisper tolerates her and Blaze thinks she's a chew toy. Good thing that cat can run).

 

Ubu is top dog and no one ever fogets that. He's old, diabetic, mostly blind, and probably does not have a whole lot of years left. Both Whisper and Blaze acknowledge that Ubu is top dog and last weekend when Whisper forgot herself and snapped at Ubu over a bone, she immediately made obeiances to him. Whisper and Blaze hate each other and will fight every time they see each other. Since she belongs to the stepson and he isn't with us full time, that isn't a huge problem. When he is with us, we keep the dogs separated-they get taken for walks separately, they are not allowed to even see each other in the house--we switch them off: keeping one in a room and the other allowed the run of the house and periodically change off. It's inconvenient, but thus far it's the only solution I've been able to come up with. Whisper has ended up in the vet's office twice now because of Blaze.

 

Now, my husband has a dog on hold that his friend has, an obese dog of indeterminate breeding. I like this dog fine; she's more interested in food than anything else. In terms of pecking order, she is the last dog and she is fine with that, as long as she has food. She is laid-back, easy-going and friendly and I think she would be a fine addition to the family. Her name is Stitch; she doesn't live with us now only because our living situation is up in the air--we live with my MIL (it's a long story); we keep Ubu and Whisper and Heather with us, but Stitch technically is owned by the husband's friend who is keeping her until we relocate.

 

The problem I have is that my husband wants to bring ANOTHER dog into the house. Another Rottie (named JD), a HUGE dog that could eat from the dining room table from a sit position if he lowered his head a little bit. This dog orginally was found wandering the streets of Detroit and was picked up by the humane society. He was then adopted by my husband's stepson, who was living with us at the time--we had our house then. JD is not quite smart, but not exactly dumb, either. He listens to men better, but he usually listened to me when I told him to do something. It just took him awhile. He went through a severe skin allergy where he was covered with raw, bloody patches and his paws were swollen enough that it looked like they were snake-bit (or at least what I imagined snake-bit paws would look like). Eventually the stepson moved out and took his dog with him. He got married, his wife got pregnant and then the dog, according to her reports, got more assertive towards her. I don't think he bit (to my knowledge he's never bit anyone) her, but he growled. She was concerned about her safety and the dog was re-homed to one of my husband's sons.

 

That son is now moving and cannot take the dog with him. My husband wants him. I'm against it. For one, we have two dogs, Ubu and Whisper, Stich on hold (which makes three), though that may well not happen, and if the son with the Pit Bull decides he wants to live with us full time (something he hasn't decided on yet) we'd have four dogs. And a cat. I'm told that JD is a reformed dog than from when I knew him; he listens much better, no longer chases cats but is getting snappy towards puppies. I've flatly told my husband that the dog is not to come into our household, but I expect that it will happen anyway; he'll bring it in saying it's just for a weekend, and then the dog stays permanently.

 

Ubu has no problem with JD. Whisper has a tepid relationship with JD at best, though I think it could deteriorate into a fight if at all provoked. I could be mis-reading that though. I'm no behaviorist. JD is a nice enough dog--whatever his problems with other women don't seem to exist with me-he listens to me and even follows me around the house. The only time he ever made the slightest complaint towards me was when I was trying to clean off the raw patches he had that allergy flare-up (I didn't want leave dirt in it).

 

I don't know what I'm asking--maybe I'm just venting. Anyone want a Rottie, about 4 years old?

 

Or anyone want a live-in cook-housekeeper-pet sitter? Willing to relocate!

 

Vicki and Whisper

[juliepoudrier]

My first thought would be what is the MIL's opinion? It's her house you're in right now, isn't it? Does she let her son have anything he wants, or might one more dog be one more than she can really stand? If she'd rather not have yet another dog, then her wishes should be honored.

 

Who does the bulk of pet caretaking? That should also figure prominently in any decision to get third and fourth dogs. What if JD starts to have problems with Whisper? And Blaze comes home to live. Will you be having to rotate three dogs through the house for everyone's (the dog's that is) safety. Have you and your husband actually discussed this heart-to-heart? Is a fourth dog enough to create ubearable tension in the marriage. I guess what I'm asking, and it's really too nosy for a public forum, is can your marriage take the addition of this dog?

 

J.

[vickim]

The fourth dog would not come until we got into our new home. The MIL says absolutely no more dogs in her house, and DH knows to respect this. I do the majority of the pet-keeping (except for Blaze--the stepson, while his training methods are haphazard, does take meticulous care of that dog), with the inclusion of giving Ubu is insulin shots.

 

Bringing JD into the house would make me irate, since I've already stated unequivocally that I don't want to bring that particular dog into the house. We jsut are not going to have the space for a dog that size! If there were problems, and both Whisper and Blaze are highly reactive dogs; I suspect this is why they don't get along witheach other, we would have to rotate the three dogs, an issue I am not willing to deal with. I've tried to mention rescue groups to the husband (also mentioning that it is sometimes harder to adopt a dog out of rescue than it is to adopt a child; an extreme statement, I know, but most rescues I've heard of are very careful about whom they adopt the dogs out to. He's of the mind that rescues are like shelters, where they languish in a cage for a few days and then are euthanized. Nothing I can say abuses him of this notion). So far he is not hearing me. We are spending the weekend in the new house (we can't move there until we get jobs in the area) with Ubu, Whisper and JD. I could consider this a trial run--or I could jsut lay down the law and see what happens.

[Guest LJS1993]

Is it just me or are there alot of women on this site? Where are the husbands? Are they not dog lovers to the point of taking part in a discussion board from time to time?

[juliepoudrier]

LJS1993,

There are a lot of women on this site, but we have our fair share of men too. Why? Do you think a man's POV would make a big difference to this conversation, or are you just asking rhetorically?

 

Vicki,

If it were me, and I were the primary caretaker, then I think my feelings about what dog(s) to adopt ought to take priority. After all, you're the one who will be dealing with the dogs day in and day out. I came into my current relationship with 9 dogs. I don't expect my SO to do their caretaking, but as I *am* the primary caretaker, dog walker, dog trainer, poop pick up person, etc., I would *expect* him to hear my wishes on adding any more dogs (not that I think I have to worry about that). Maybe a better example would be my chickens. My hens are sitting now, and my SO exchanged some hen eggs under one of them with quail eggs from a friend of his. I don't mind that, but if he's going to start raising quail, then they will be *his* responsibility most of the time. I have enough with the dogs, cats (I also take care of his cat), chickens, and sheep. He needs to build them a separate pen before they hatch, and if they require feed different from what I feed the chickens, that will be his responsibility. I don't know if such reasoning would work with your husband, but I think that's the route I'd go. JMO, of course!

 

J.

[Guest LJS1993]

LJS1993,

There are a lot of women on this site, but we have our fair share of men too. Why? Do you think a man's POV would make a big difference to this conversation, or are you just asking rhetorically?

 

Vicki,

If it were me, and I were the primary caretaker, then I think my feelings about what dog(s) to adopt ought to take priority. After all, you're the one who will be dealing with the dogs day in and day out. I came into my current relationship with 9 dogs. I don't expect my SO to do their caretaking, but as I *am* the primary caretaker, dog walker, dog trainer, poop pick up person, etc., I would *expect* him to hear my wishes on adding any more dogs (not that I think I have to worry about that). Maybe a better example would be my chickens. My hens are sitting now, and my SO exchanged some hen eggs under one of them with quail eggs from a friend of his. I don't mind that, but if he's going to start raising quail, then they will be *his* responsibility most of the time. I have enough with the dogs, cats (I also take care of his cat), chickens, and sheep. He needs to build them a separate pen before they hatch, and if they require feed different from what I feed the chickens, that will be his responsibility. I don't know if such reasoning would work with your husband, but I think that's the route I'd go. JMO, of course!

 

J.

 

Well take Vickim's situation for instance. In order to realize the issues bringing another dog into the family would create, her husband could go on message boards such as these in order to better understand said issues. Some people need to hear it themselves from other people in order to realize certain factors in a topic.

[juliepoudrier]

LJS,

That makes sense. Some folks just don't want to hear it though. But I suppose Vicki could always point him to this thread if she thinks it's a good idea.

 

J.

[bexie]

My first thought, to be honest, is how many kids husband has, but that is probably irrelevant.

 

I'd suggest writing down the pros and cons on paper and showing the list to your husband. Let him add to the list but making him be realistic. Maybe seeing it in black and white will make him realize the difficulties.

 

Also, maybe you could show him some of the threads on here, like Solo's recent attempt to adopt from a rescue. Here is a responsible, capable, experienced dog owner who was rejected. He could go interview rescues to find out about their procedures and policies.

 

If somehow any more animals get added to the household, maybe there should be contracts of who is responsible for what and what the conditions are? For example, if he adds this dog and doesn't do X care, if goes to Y rescue. Or if he adds this dog and there is a conflict with the current dogs, it goes to Y rescue. Just so _if_ it does happen, it is clear.

 

Also, can your family budget handle the expenses? No insult intended, but I can imagine that Ubu's care is quite expensive and that those trips to the vet after Whisper's run-ins with Blaze could add up, so another round of dog fights could easily cost more than the budget could take.

 

Your husband might be trying to protect himself from his expected loss of Ubu. To have something else ready into which he can invest his love and distract himself from the pain. While I can respect that, it isn't a good idea at the expense of family peace.

 

Just a few thoughts. Good luck whatever happens. How is Ubu doing BTW? He is all recovered since his seizure? Also, if you get this huge dog, do you have a vet available that won't pee himself in terror every time the dog needs a shot?

[BustopherJones]

I've flatly told my husband that the dog is not to come into our household, but I expect that it will happen anyway

I did not catch what the alternative to taking in the dog would be; but in deference to LS, I will offer a man's point of view. Having been married for a bit more than 4 decades, I have learned that marriage is a partnership, where each partner understands and respects the other's wishes. In many cases, there may be room for compromise; but often, it is a "yes or no" situation. If there is no room for compromise, then DH needs to clearly understand your feelings on the matter, and respect them.

[Beth G]

Exactly.

My view is that EVERYONE living in this house would have to agree on wanting the dog before I'd allow it brought into this house. Hubby agrees.

 

And as it sounds as though you already have your hands full, and that you know deep down another would be too much, so I'd agree you made the right decision. Better to admit another is too much than to bring the dog home and regret it, and then have everyone miserable.

[vickim]

UPDATE:

 

The weekend with JD went by mostly uneventfully. JD has two speeds--slow and super slow. He is the only dog I've ever met that scuffs his feet-uh paws- when he walks. He ambles around, following whoever it is he's imprinted on, this past weekend it was my husband. He hates being alone and if there is a larger, noisier crowd, he will amble towards that. He is HUGE and so laid-back.

 

Given that, I still don't really want him in the house. Whisper had one little tiff with him--all three had been given a treat and she decided she wanted her treat and his, too, and snarled, barked and nipped at him. She'd already stressed out over the house guests, barking at one of the men who got up to get salt and pepper (i put her on the floor at my feet after that). Once she snapped at JD, who looked bewildered and let her have the bone, I took the treat back from her and shut her in the bedroom by herself. I don't have a crate, and she needed a time out to decompress a bit. The guests left maybe 1/2 an hour after that and I let Whisper back out, reassured her that she was still loved and then took her for a walk (should've taken the walk before the guest got there and tired her out a bit!). Whisper likes a lot to do, but she doesn't especially like a choatic environment.

 

Sunday, all three dogs played a canine version of tag. Both Rotties decided that she was It and chased after her. She's little and quick and agile, so she dashed into the trees where neither Rott would follow. Then she'd pop back out of the trees further along the path as if she was saying "Surprise!" SHe did this several times and each time JD managed to look absolutely astounded (he's just a little slow). Then he'd try to run and chase after her--he doesn't run well--those long legs just get all tangled up. He is not a reactive dog at all, so I guess, though I am very much against it, it wouldn't be the end of the world if there is no place else for JD to go (though I am pushing the rescue idea hard).

 

I guess we'll see what happens--still, though--any one want a great big Rottie?