What would you do?

[SoloRiver]

Sarah,

 

I am so sorry that you are going through all this now. I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze your friends or their motives, but I agree that this may not be a healthy situation. And yes, I would definitely move in order to have a dog. I am one of those people who must have a dog around to feel, I don't know, "right," and I think you are too. Right now I'm living in an apartment that costs a good deal more than I would ideally be paying, because it was the only place I would find that would take three.

 

If you don't move in with your friends, I am sure you can find an apartment that will take at least one dog. They're always out there if you look, even in the worst rental markets. When I went looking for an apartment here in SF, I came armed with a book I'd made including photos and "resumes" for each of my current dogs, as well as veterinary records, ribbons and awards, etc. If you have anything you can put together like this for your previous dogs it will help demonstrate that you are a responsible owner who will not cause problems for a new landlord. This may make someone more willing to rent to you. My landlord was initially reluctant to rent to someone who had three (rather than one or two) but my resume book swayed the property manager and we love our apartment.

 

Good luck.

[prosperia]

If its really important to you to find out whats really going on, then you should go talk to your friends wife -one on one-. I guarantee you, she'll tell it to you straight, if you really want to push for answers. (You could bring a few drinks. . . she might need someone to talk to. Who knows, maybe you guys could work things out)

Then again, it could blow up in your face. . .but its a thought.

I play music with an older man who's wife passed away some years ago. I've know him for a long time and I consider us good friends, but I know that he has a "crush". He's harmless and would never act innapropriatly, but I could never imaging living in the same house together.

 

OT. . Oh hey Melanie! One of the ladies I work with told me today that she has a pomeranian named Harley. Couldnt help but think of you and your heart dog.

[SincereArtisan]

UPDATE!

 

Well, I finally got around to having a talk with my landlord/friend.

 

Its weird. While his wife's verdict was so straight to the point and blunt, his explanation was, well, very broad minded I suppose you could say.

 

First off, allow me to state that I have a very open mind. I grew up in Thailand, around dozens of other people and cultures from all over, I have not the slightest inclination towards being racist, prejudice, or condemning another's beliefs.

 

But my friend sat there and flat out stated that he and his wife felt that after the loss of my dear dogs, they thought something was surely trying to tell me that I do *not* need to own anymore dogs for the time being. That, some otherworldly power out there was sending me signs that dog-ownership was not for me, at least not right now...

 

And he said this with the full confidence and proclamation of knowing my true feelings on the matter. He rounded his point off by saying that were I to get another dog, and if something happened to it, that he didn't believe I'd be able to handle it, emotionally.

 

Of course, I've got this whole internal battle raging on inside my mind the whole time--"You do *not* know how I think, or how I feel, or what I need, or what I don't need, or what I can and cannot handle..." etc, etc...and, of course, none of this reaches my lips because I'm just too sweet to dive right into argument without giving it a good thinking over. That, and he keeps dwelling on my dead dogs again and again to the point where I'm in tears. And I never trust myself to speak when I am even close to tears.

 

I do NOT believe that the death of my three dogs represented some higher being's opinion on whether or not I should own a dog...I do believe in fate, in some circumstances...but I cannot imagine that the death of my dogs should be heralded as some symbol that I should not own one...

 

I am tolerant of other's religious beliefs. I am not the sort of individual to get offended easily, at all. But when other people use their oppinions and beliefs as a blanket over my own, or to explain my own actions or feelings away, I get a little irritated.

 

I took all this quietly, and calmly, having only asked for an explanation afterall. I said there was a lot for me to think about, because although I could see what he was saying, I couldn't quite understand it.

 

Oh, and he was not aware of his wife's feelings towards me being of a jealous or disliking nature at all. But guys...they can be oblivious to the things us girls sometimes detect. And what I've detected thus far put me at unease.

 

And so, I thought about it. And I thought and I thought and I thought. I did some math, I looked at my schedule, I gritted my teeth and decided that yes... moving sounds like the best way to go. I have talked with my friends, but I think that first I am going to try my best to find some place that I can afford to be in on my own...because given the option, I'd rather be without roomies.

 

So, I'm looking. Copying down numbers. I imagine that the rest of this month and most of next month will be absorbed by calling/visiting places, and working a lot of extra hours to pick up the extra money its going to cost to make this move. I should idealy be in my new home by the end of May. Cross my fingers. Wish me luck. :eek:

[Dal & Mad's Mom]

I wish you alot of luck. I hate moving but, I do think this will be for the best.

 

Something just doesnt sound right about this conversation with your friend. Sorry you had to go through it.

[Guest JoeysMom]

Sarah,

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through that--nothing like being told how you feel and having horrible events thrown in your face. At least you had the composure and maturity to remain civil.

 

Moving is not much fun (we're gearing up for a move, too), but your comfort and happiness are two things that should not be compromised. Good luck in your search for a new place, and good luck with whatever lovely BC you choose to have in your life (or whichever one chooses you). Things do happen for a reason. Good luck!

[urge to herd]

The SideWalk Psychiatrist is In!

 

I'd understand if you don't want to get into a dissection of your friend's motives, but if you do, read on.

 

In my experience, many times people will project their own feelings/wants/beliefs (ESP. when it comes to loss) onto others, and offer it up in the guise of 'help.' There's a good chance that either your friends are more disturbed by the loss of your 3 dogs in such a heart wrenching way than they will admit, and are coating their own fear in a "This is a message from the Universe" package and putting it on your shoulders. Or, for whatever reason, they just don't want a tenant anymore and this is how they're letting you know. Or both.

 

Anyway, my opinion is that their reasoning is bulls**t. Terrible, painful things happen in this life all the time, we all lose the people and animals we love or they lose us. If we extrapolate and take this reasoning further, all the people who lost their entire families and homes in the tsunami at the end of 2004 and Katrina in 2005? It's a message from the Universe . . .

 

Utter, utter bulls**t. You're much better off out of there.

 

Good luck with the hunt and the move, I know it's a hard thing to do, but I hope you wind up in a better place for you, and your future dogs!

 

Ruth n the BC3

[Zoe]

I agree with everyone too and wish you all the best. I also think you should only go with a place you can rent by yourself. Sounds like you don't REALLY want roommates. I know I like to live alone too and would only compromise if I was desperate. But I also know I'd regret it later.

[Dixie_Girl]

Sarah, I think you are making the right decision on moving. I will keep you in my prayers that you find a place that you can heal and be happy again. I know he is your friend, but what they have done is pretty chicken droppings. I have lost a dog that meant the world to me. It is not something that can be flippently dealt with. You say they are loving dog owners. I find it hard to believe they have so little compasion to you. I felt when Bandit died, I did not want another dog because I was so consumed with guilt(it was conginital heart prob, but I was at work)and the thought no dog deserved my love when Bandit could not ever recieve it again. But then a little 10 day old pup got dropped on my lap and it was then that I could start healing. I feel it is why she was "brought" to me. At 10 days old I had no choice but be "involved" with her. I kept saying, as soon as this little heifer is 6wks, out she goes! That was 8yrs ago and she is still here! A new pup or dog will help you heal. You find your place where the sun can shine in your life again. Spring is almost here. It is a time for the earth to renew itself and I think it is a good time for you also.

 

All those in favor of getting a posse together to go whoop those people say Aye! :mad:

[Lunar]

Aye!

 

I agree that you're making the right decision. I don't think it's they're right to tell you what you SHOULD or should not own. (Unless it was a landlord-ish problem, like barking or the like.) This "friend" is using his position as landlord to his advantage, and that bites. I mean, a friend would say, "Maybe you shouldn't..." but not "we're not going to let you because we think you shouldn't..." BAH.

 

Sending good thoughts your way. Hope you find a good place.

[KrisK]

Good luck Sarah, I think moving is the best thing for you to do. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you have to decide what to do. Seems to me, you've decided to make lemonade

[karrie]

I'll Aye. If you were looking in up near me, I could give you the name of a landlord who loves animals and is fine with them in his homes.

 

Good Luck in your search!

[Dixie_Girl]

Originally posted by KrisK:

Good luck Sarah, I think moving is the best thing for you to do. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you have to decide what to do. Seems to me, you've decided to make lemonade

And if life hands you oranges, make a screwdriver!

[emmetteabrakai]

Hi Sarah,

Late in the discussion as usual. But as far as I can see you are making the correct decision. The place you are living currently sounds like it is becoming burdensome and uncomfortable. If not a little odd.

Successful artist or not, your friend seems to be somewhat pushy and insensitive to the things that have gone on in your world. The loss of your dogs was catastrophic, to use it against you is barbaric. To presume that the "cosmos" has spoken to you and he is the mouth piece for this information strikes me as, well kind of weird.

I hope you will be settled in someplace, soon. Maybe the basement or other apartment, of nice older couple, she can bake you cookies. He can fix your car or the plumbing, they can dog and cat sit if you have to go away.

Good Luck

Andrea D.

[mado]

Hi Sarah , this might not be neither here nor there , I grew up in Thailand too , I was there at the polo club for the best part of my youth , and I'm sure it gave me some kind of different vision , I still think about it every day and it sure altered my perceptions ... I realise that I relate only because of this background but hey , what are we but the result of all those influences .. anyway I still feel you should get out of there and live your life the way you choose , don't go for arrangements and listen to your own voice ...without roomates if you've past that age

[BustopherJones]

Boy, am I about to get myself into BIG trouble!

 

Sarah, one thing I have noted about the great ladies on this board is they are, as a general rule, charming, sensitive, articulate, and diversified in their interests; perhaps this describes anyone who loves dogs as much as they do. From the few pictures I have seen of the women themselves (such as the recent ones of Denise), they are also gorgeous. You sound as if you fit perfectly into this category. It would therefore come as no surprise if, in your case, there was a degree of jealousy involved. (DW is a beautiful dog lover herself, so she doesn't have to worry about competition.)

 

I cannot guide you as to the proper course of action. The suggestions that you talk with your friend have merit; the suggestions that you move have equal merit. I would simply observe that, if you do choose to move, you think about your own home (or a condo that allows pets); this way, you preclude having to ever again deal with a landlord or fellow renter.

 

But then again, that is only my opinion...

 

P.S. - Co-ed body painting...sounds interesting...where do I sign up?

[SincereArtisan]

Mado, I used to go riding at a polo club! I only went two or three times, because my best friend Kelly took lessons there, and I got to ride this sweet palamino mare whose name I just can't remember.

 

How long were you in Thailand?

[Tammy525]

Sarah,

 

I think what your friend did was just awful, but I also think he may have done you a favor. He certainly made your decision easier, didn't he?

 

I am very impressed that you kept your cool. That says a lot about your dignity and integrity, and yes, even your ability to be a good dog owner. You showed restraint in the face of something causing very strong emotions,(like when your new doggie shreds your best Italian leather shoes) you weighed your choices carefully,(like when faced with the cutest pups you ever saw vs. a dog who really needs you) you were mindful of your friend's feelings... all of these things transfer into caring for a dog as well. Which just proves your friend was so wrong. The cruelest thing people say when confronted with someone else's tragedy is that it was "meant to be." No one ever feels that way when it is their tragedy!

 

Best of luck, I am glad you are following your heart.

 

Bustopher, shame shame, do you have to go and prove my theory that men are always thinking about you know what???? He he he.