Aggression Advice

[dallasbc]

So, I was hoping I wouldn't need to post this, but we had an incident this morning and I am so unsure of myself.

 

Dallas has had some aggression problems, and we thought it was just children. He has nipped 1 child and bitten another (broke the skin but wasn't deep).

 

I do know this is my fault. When he was 14 weeks old, I was working on socialising him and we met some kids on the street. I invited them to pet him if they walked up calmly and were gentle. They ran up and screamed. Dallas was terrified. After that, I didn't try to introduce him to kids. To be fair, he has had good experiences with kids, but it was only 1 or 2 and they happened before this incident. After the incident, he didn't want anything to do with them and I didn't force him, but I never even thought to counter condition.

 

Fast forward a few months and Dallas started barking at kids and wouldn't let them near him. I think at this point he was probably 4 or 5 months old.

 

Then when he was 7 months old was his first incident. We were at the park playing with my mother-in-law and her border collie puppy. There were no kids around, but our friend was coming to meet us. She usually has her toddler in preschool so I didn't expect her to bring her toddler. Anyway... She did bring her toddler. As my back was turned to retrieve a tennis ball, our friend appeared and her toddler ran up to my MIL. Dallas immediately ran over and started circling the toddler and doing like darting nips, if that makes sense. We managed to get Dallas away and on his lead. I did not let him near the toddler after that and pretty much made the decision then to keep him away from kids but hopefully work on desensitising him. (The toddler was mostly fine by the way - just a little bruise).

 

So from then on I didn't let kids come near Dallas. My neighbour offered to have her granddaughter throw treats to Dallas, so we tried this one weekend last month. I told her to keep her granddaughter out of Dallas's reach and to throw treats, and she did at first. But then because Dallas looked ok, my neighbour encouraged her granddaughter to come closer and put the treat right in front of Dallas. I told her not to do it, but before I could stop her, her granddaughter came in too close and Dallas bit her on the chin. This one did draw blood, but it was quite shallow (thanking my stars for that one). I felt awful though. This was entirely my fault and I should have controlled the situation better. I realised this wasn't something I could handle and immediately called a behaviour specialist.

 

We have met with her, but Dallas has had a couple of incidents since our first meeting with her. I thought he was fine with adults as he had never had issues with adults, but it has gotten worse. I have kept him away from kids to the best of my ability. None have come near him anyway or have come close enough to him for him to bark or focus on them. But I wasn't worried about adults.

 

Last week we were walking in our neighbourhood and a guy stopped to say hi to Dallas. Dallas was acting how he normally does when he wants to say hi, but while the guy was petting him (pretty sure it was under the chin), Dallas jumped up at his face. The guy was fine, but I pulled Dallas away. The guy asked if he could try giving Dallas a treat, but Dallas started growling at him so I said no and we left.

 

On top of that, Dallas has started growling at some of our neighbours every time they walk by our house (while we are sat in our front garden). He actually jumped up and tried to nip one of them one time. He jumped over our front gate and chased another and circled her. He has never had a bad experience with any of our neighbours, especially these two. The one he tried to jump up and nip, she loves Dallas and says hello to him all the time. Needless to say, I don't sit with him in the front garden anymore (even while on the lead) and I don't let him near our neighbours.

 

I think he has started disliking my husband's grandparents as well, which is really bad because we live with them. He hasn't had the opportunity to act against them, but one time my husband's grandfather came to say hello and I could see Dallas tensing up to I told his grandfather to leave Dallas alone.

 

Finally, the incident yesterday. We had gone for a walk on a path that my mother-in-law says is normally deserted. Unfortunately for us, there were a few people there. So, I just kept Dallas away from them. There were few enough this was relatively easy to do. At one point a grandmother and grandfather were pushing their 8 week old grandson in a stroller behind us. They were walking faster than we were so my mother-in-law, her dog, my husband, Dallas, and I just pulled over to the side of the path to let them pass. I had Dallas in a sit and was feeding him treats as they went by. As the woman passed behind me, Dallas suddenly snapped his focus from me to this woman, lunged, and bit her. He did not break the skin, but he tore a hole in her pants and ripped her cardigan.

 

I am so conflicted. I love Dallas so much, and he is such a good boy at home. He has never been aggressive towards me, my husband, or any of our family. I can't even identify a common factor in all these adults he doesn't like. Just yesterday he eagerly let a man we met walking his dog pet him. I am trying my best to keep him from harming others, but I quite clearly am no good at this. We don't have a car so I am only able to walk him around our home. I try going in early morning hours and late in the evening, but some days this isn't always possible. We are working on getting him good with a muzzle. We are seeing a behaviour specialist.

 

But these are the things that make me think I might have to rehome him:

1) The animal behaviour specialist charges £100 per hour. We only make £700 per month right now. We just don't have the money to give him the help he needs. We ARE still trying, though and basically are doing everything we can to make ends meet so Dallas gets the help he needs.

2) My husband and I want to start a family in the next year. Even if by a miracle we manage to have enough money to see the behaviour specialist on a regular basis, Dallas hates kids. That I do know. I have heard of dogs being tolerant of kids born into the family, but I am so scared to run that risk. Heck, I am so scared even taking him for walks now.

 

I am so lucky things haven't been worse. Any of those people could have been seriously harmed or filed a lawsuit.

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to rehome Dallas. The thought just breaks my heart. But I don't know if I am capable of giving him what he needs.

 

If I were to rehome him, I am concerned he would harm someone.

 

The thought of euthanasia has crossed my mind, but that breaks my heart too and I feel like it is a very extreme response to something that could very well be helped with the appropriate help from a professional.

 

Do you guys have any advice? He is only 10 months old... he's only a puppy. But I am so concerned for his well-being and the well-being of others. I don't know what to do.

 

Ideally I want to keep him but I don't know if that is wise or possible. I'm just heart broken. You don't know how much I cried after this last incident.

 

You guys probably think I am the worst owner in the world, and I don't blame you. I feel like the absolute worst owner in the world right now.

 

*Sorry for any typos - on my phone and the auto correct is terrible

[Journey]

Who is the breeder? Have you spoken with them? Will they take him back? I'm sorry, but any dog can bite, one that does, has no business being rehomed. Understanding you cannot afford a behavioralist but also understand that there are no guarantees either that this issue can be corrected. You do what you can with what you have. I'd be in touch with the breeder right away. Biting, regardless, is one behavior I won't tolerate. Best of luck with him.

[dallasbc]

The breeder is a random farmer near Oswestry (North Wales). I haven't spoken with him but I will do. His two working dogs had puppies without his intending them to. The dad was very friendly, but he kept the mom away from us because she didn't like people going near her puppies. They are both working line collies. I'll get in touch and see if he will take him back. I have my doubts since he's a farmer and not an actual breeder, but you never know.

[dallasbc]

Yeah, the farmer wouldn't take him back since Dallas will have adjusted to life in our home now. Just said he was surprised Dallas has aggression issues since neither of the parents are aggressive and to give him more exercise. Dallas is already getting 3 hours of exercise throughout the day outside every day and I do training with him every day too.

[dallasbc]

The farmer just messaged me back to say that around 12 months Dallas should mature and stop behaving like this... but that goes against everything I have read about fear aggression in dogs.

[urge to herd]

From your description it seems that Dallas is 'enlarging' the pool of people he feels the need to bite. And sadly, that won't go away with out some expert help, and maybe not even then.

 

I agree w/Journey about re-homing a known biter, especially one who is escalating.

 

I'm sorry that you're in this dreadful position, and wish I had some advice or information that would be helpful. You're in the UK, right? Some of the animal shelters here in the US have classes for fearful dogs & their owners, might be worth looking into.

 

Wish I could be more helpful. I for one know how difficult it is to have fear-aggressive dog, and wish you the best.

 

Ruth & Gibbs

[CptJack]

The best thing you can do right now is what you are doing.

Get him muzzle trained - basket muzzle, make it a positive thing to have him stick his nose in and wear it while getting lots of treats - before he bites someone badly enough that the choice of euthanizing or not is taken out of your hands.

Ask about medication.

 

I have found a vest or harness with a sign like 'ignore the dog' to be highly useful in instructing the public to not fixate on my fearful dog. The muzzle will help but extra and clear things also help a lot.

 

Keep people from interacting with him at ALL. Don't care how eager and happy about it he looks, absolutely zero petting. No throwing treats. No giving treats. No talking and cooing. No stopping to talk to other people. NO INTERACTION WITH ANYONE. Get good and comfortable with PHYSICALLY picking him up or stepping in front of him with a hand held out in a stop gesture and telling them "No!". Being rude is better than him biting them and your responsibility is to your dog before random strangers, anyway.

 

That will help his confidence and make him less likely to be in a position to bite and make him less likely to get defensive if you read him wrong or he gets overwhelmed or overfaced or changes his mind about how comfortable he is - or it just goes long enough for him to feel the need to escape..

 

I'm not comfortable giving any other advice or speculating more, because it's the internet and I can't see the dog.

[GentleLake]

I wish I had something more to offer you than to agree with what others have said. Aggression is really difficult to work with and results are inconsistent. And it's not fair to anyone else to pass the problem on to someone else.

 

Most rescues won't take -- and can't -- dogs with a bite history with good reason. Relinquishing to a rescue without full disclosure wouldn't be ethical, not that I'm suggesting you'd do that.

 

I have the utmost sympathy for you. Just about 2 years ago now I turned a rescue pup back to the rescue because of increasing aggression. I'd adopted him when he was 15 weeks old and returned him when he was 10 months old. I'd done all the socialization from the day he'd arrived. He was meant to become a therapy dog and possibly a service dog for me, but he was increasingly and unpredictably attacking other dogs (including the ones he lived with) and children, even redirecting onto me.

 

It was truly heart wrenching.

 

I'm really pretty annoyed that the breeder won't take any responsibility here. Certainly he has become used to your home, but dogs readjust to other homes and lifestyles all the time and at all ages. And, no, I agree he's unlikely to just grow out of this in a couple of months. But I'd also be concerned about what would happen to him if the breeder, being as clueless as it seems he may be, were to take him back.

 

Your best bet really is to work with the behaviorist if there's any way you can manage to afford it or to make some sort of arrangements with them for assistance. It may not go anywhere, but could you at least explain the circumstances and ask if they'd consider adjusting their fees? Could they refer you to a good trainer who's experienced with aggressive dogs?

 

I wish you and Dallas only the best.

[D'Elle]

You have my sympathy for having to deal with this situation, and I can tell that you are doing the very best you can for Dallas. The fact that it may not be enough is not your fault.

 

I agree with those who have said that rehoming a dog like this is not a good idea. I, too, am annoyed with the breeder, who should take him back under the circumstances. However, I also agree with Gentle Lake that it might mean he'd simply be put down if he did go back to that person. For the breeder to assume he will grow out of it is irresponsible as there are never such guarantees.

 

You are in a very difficult position and I can only imagine how heart breaking this is. I wish I had magic words for you but I do not. It would be worth a try to explain the situation to the behaviorist and see if that person had any other suggestions. Or to see if there is a competent trainer who charges less.

I hope that you will find a solution .

[teresaserrano]

My dog is in some ways similar to yours. She has never bitten anyone and shows no desire to deliver a serious bite, but she doesn't like some people (particulary strangers that want to pet her out of the blue) and will growl, raise hackles, and sometimes try to lunge and nip. She has also tried to lunge at and nip people that are just passing by us and that are in no way interacting with her (this is a rare ocasion, but it has happened). She loves many people though, some at first sight. My dog is not afraid of people, she is majorly pissed at what she considers invasion of personal space and disrespect. I must say I do simpathize.

 

I deal with it in several ways:

 

1. She is leashed if there are people around. No one is allowed to aproach her unless I know and/or she tells me she likes them. I'm very proactive about this. Her leash is short, but not in tension, when we pass people. I may distract her with a treat if I think it's needed, or distance ourselves a bit from the other person path.

 

2, She is not allowed to aproach people, unless I think it's okay (when she wants to aproach it's not to bite, just to sniff. But, most people equal dog aproaching with dog wanting to be petted, and often that's not the case with her).

 

3. I'm always aware of out surroundings. I know what's happening all around us. (This may sound like a superhuman effort but, actually, by now it's just routine, it became instinctual. It may mean I don't give much attention to a person that's walking with me, but that's not that important).

 

4. If someone aproaches I tell my dog to switch sides so I will be between her and passerbys. Every single time.

 

5. I take her to lots of different places. Basically, she goes everywhere with me. She is very well socialized to different environments and kinds of people so stress levels because of strange stuff are minimal (if she is stressed her reactions will of course be more extreme, her tolerance level much lower). I pay attention to her stress levels and if something happens that stresses her we get out of there.

 

6. I try to give her a happy life. I'm sure we all do, but I mean I've noticed that on days that we had a lot of fun she is happy, relaxed, and loves everyone. If the day was boring she's a bit more impacient, and if the day was stressing she can be more intolerant. For her happy means doing stuff with me, so I try ro train and play a lot.

 

7. This means her obedience is pretty good, which is important in a dog that has a tendency for some reactivity.

 

8. I'm vigilant but very relaxed when out with her. I don't think of her as an agressive dog, but as a selective dog with a bitchy temperament that has to be carefully managed.

 

9. I make sure she has many oportunities to hang out with the many people she loves, and no opportunities to harrass people she dislikes, or be harrased by them.

 

10. She's 5 yo. I know her very well. I know who she may like or not, both because she tells me, and because I just know how her mind works. I know what to allow and what to avoid, and if in doubt I try not to take chances.

 

 

Your dog is different from my dog, and maybe for him, the things I do with my dog won't work. I don't know. For us it works well, it's just the two of us and I have control over everything. It is a bit of work, but not that much really because it becomes routine. I don't get nervous or sad because my dog isn't everybody's friend, I just try very hard to not put her in situations where she could harm someone.

[dallasbc]

Hi everyone, thanks so much for the advice.

 

Currently, Dallas wears a bright yellow vest that says 'Nervous' on it, so people know not to approach. For some reason, a few select people still think it's ok? I tell them off when they try to approach, though. We're currently working super hard on getting him ok with a basket muzzle. He'll go in the muzzle and wear it while I feed him treats, but if I try to buckle it up, he'll paw at it to get it off. It's a work in progress...

 

In the meantime, I am just doing what I can to keep him away from everyone. I'm no longer taking him out on walks with my mother-in-law. She is lovely and means well, but she just doesn't get how extreme I need to go right now in keeping him away from people. So we're walking when people aren't around (i.e., in the evening and early morning) and if someone is around, I cross the road and keep away from them. I'll see the behaviour specialist as much as I can and continue training with him, but I just don't know how much we'll be able to see her. There is a dog trainer that has been recommended to me who has dealt with aggressive dogs and I'm contacting her today to see about how much she charges.

 

I will not rehome him on my own, but I have contacted charities today that deal with dogs. I have fully disclosed his aggressive behaviour and was very blunt about it. One charity said straight out they will not take him, but a few others have put us on their waiting list. They did say that since he has displayed aggressive behaviour it will be difficult to take him on. There was one charity I am waiting to hear back from that specifically deals with dogs that need rehabilitation. I figured since there's a waiting list, it gives me time to work with him and see if he improves. If he does and I get contacted about them having room, then I can just turn down their offer and keep him. If he doesn't improve, we'll see what happens from there. The putting him with a charity is, next to putting him down, my very last resort. I just feel like I'm not capable to give him the treatment he needs and I don't feel capable to give him the training he needs.

 

One charity even told me they thought it's just because he's a puppy and he'll grow out of it... I don't get where people are getting this opinion from? Everything I've read - and you guys confirmed! - says that this isn't behaviour he'll just grow out of.

 

Another person told me I need to give him more exercise... and that might be the case, but I'm already giving him 3 hours of exercise in the day. I physically cannot give him more. I do plenty of training with him as well and play games like "find the ball", "find the food", and hide-and-seek on a daily basis so he's getting mental exercise, too. I am giving him as much training and exercise as I can. It may be he needs more exercise and mental stimulation, but I am unable to provide that for him.

 

I love Dallas so much, and he is a good boy. I struggled maintaining composure while I called around to different charities. I'm going to do everything I can in the next while to keep him from people and work on his behaviour with the specialist.

 

I am in the UK, and I have looked around for classes that work with fearful dogs. North Wales is a bit... behind the times? lacking? Anyway, there's a lack of classes for fearful dogs.

 

I worked so hard to socialise him when he was young. Yes, it didn't go well with kids and I take full responsibility for that, but he socialised a lot with adults and teenagers. He was constantly out and about and meeting new people. I can't think of a single bad encounter he had with adults when we were socialising him.

 

Thanks again, you guys. I've had a stress headache about this since the last incident and it's just killing me. Anyway, off to email that other trainer and see what can be done. I'll keep you updated.

[dallasbc]

Just to add about the charities - they assess the dog behaviour and go through a vetting process to make sure if he is rehomed it is to someone who has experience with aggression and is fully capable of helping him through it. I wouldn't consider it otherwise. He definitely cannot just go to any home if another home at all. I agree that it is incredibly irresponsible to just rehome him when he could go on to be aggressive and hurt someone. My goal is to rehabilitate him and keep him, though. I've just contacted the dog trainer. She was unavailable so I had to leave a voicemail. Hoping to hear back from her soon.

[D'Elle]

Sounds to me as though you are approaching this sensibly and definitely doing your very best. This is not a lack of exercise and stimulation issue. Often people mean well but over simplify things. You seem to have a good understanding of the situation, especially as you did not come into this with previous experience with aggression.

I do wish you the best of luck and hope you will keep us informed.

[Hooper2]

I have nothing to add about how to help you and your dog manage his dislike of people. It's a heart breaking situation to be in. But don't beat yourself up about one bad encounter with children being the cause of his aggression. As you realize, having a bunch of kids suddenly start squealing and running toward a young pup (or toward an old lady like me, for that matter) can be pretty unsettling. But most dogs, even young pups, wouldn't be permanently traumatized by one bad experience. It's just as likely (or more likely, in my opinion) that his response to the scary encounter was caused by a temperament issue, rather than that his temperament issues were caused by one scary encounter. We do our best to protect our dogs, but if a single bad encounter permanently damages the dog's world view, odds are that if it hadn't been that experience with kids it would have been something else that would have eventually triggered him. I think that the fact that the farmer had to lock the mother of the litter away when you went to get Dallas may be more significant than you realize. He certainly wouldn't be the first puppy purveyor who has used the "she's just protective of her puppies" excuse to hide the fact that the momma dog just has a bad temperament period.

[Luana]

my suggestion for you is to calm down and breath. the idea of the muzzle is good, so that you will be more comfortable while training Dallas.

I absolutely agree of not letting people approach, pet, giving treats.

But...I do not think you have to avoid people, going for a walk when there is no one around, on the contrary! Dallas needs to get more confident and needs to learn to ignore people.

you need to work on establishing a good distance from people he is comfortable with and decrease it gradually.

feeding him treats when someone is passing by with a stroller will not work if you are too close. his instinct to lunge will be stronger, so he will need first to train at a good distance from the moving people.

I believe in desensitization and counter conditioning, I used this approach with my dog to help him overcome some fears and to help him coping with bikes and joggers at close distance, however I also used corrections and a stern NO when needed. Be kind to your dog but firm.

I do not know your dog, so it is difficult to give any more specific advice, but one I feel to give is: do not label your dog as aggressive in your mind.

[GentleLake]

....I think that the fact that the farmer had to lock the mother of the litter away when you went to get Dallas may be more significant than you realize...

 

Honestly, I had the same thought. I've been around loads of bitches with new pups and never ran into one so protective people couldn't meet them.

 

Not saying it never happens, just that it probably says something about the dam . . . which. of course, means there's the possibility that you could be dealing with an inherited temperament issue.

[urge to herd]

I agree w/Hooper2 about the strong possibility of inherent fear aggression, rather than a single uncomfortable incident producing such strong and increasing aggression.

 

And I don't think this has been mentioned ~ do your best to be calm and upbeat in yourself. Fear from their human travels right down the leash to a lot of dogs. Your emotional state when you tighten the leash doesn't cause Dallas' aggression, but quite possibly it adds to it.

 

So, la la la, we're going to go another direction! Oh, let's turn around! Look ~ there's a clump of grass you haven't peed on yet!!!!

 

It's a balancing act, to be sure, but it can be done. My beloved Buzz was dog aggressive, so I know just a little of what you're dealing with. The nonchalant attitude really helped when I saw another dog before he did and could turn us away.

 

Probably most of us here, maybe all, know that you are doing your absolute best for your dog and all the humans around you.

 

Ruth & Gibbs

[AnyaDogz]

I'm going to start by saying I'm in no way giving advice, rather I will tell you the story of Boo Boo formally known as Scout.

 

After our first black lab suddenly passed away my husband and I made the mistake of rescuing another black lab too soon. We brought her home from the shelter with the expectations of her being just like Uther. She wasn't bad for the first couple of days but then the aggression started.

 

First she would growl and snap at either one of us if we tried to pet her, then the food aggression started. She would gobble down her food then attack our other dog for her food. It became so bad we had to feed them in totally separate rooms with a door and we would literally toss her bowl down and run. I'm being dead serious.

 

I walked with her for hours before feeding time and it was zero help. I'd bring that dog home so tired and panting that I was concerned I was over doing it. Nada. She was still extremely aggressive. (On the plus side, I lost a ton of weight)

 

Over the course of the next few months she bit both of us multiple times, thankfully no one else simply because we kept her away from other humans and animals. By this time I had given up on walking her because it wasn't helping in the least.

 

We considered taking her back to the shelter but we knew they would put her down and neither one of us could live with that. We took her in and by God, we were going to figure it out come hell or high water.

 

While channel surfing one day, I stopped on an episode of Cesar Milan while he was working with an extremely food aggressive dog. Let me say right now, I'm not a huge fan of his training methods but that day he was a life saver for us. I took the time to record it so my husband could watch it too.

 

We followed his advice to a T and over time the food aggression and the general aggression stopped. We started a routine where she absolutely had to sit and remain calm before we put food in her bowl. If she stood or acted bad in any way shape or form, the food went back into the container and we started from the beginning. Once she would sit calm for the food going into her bowl, she then had to sit before being given her bowl. If she deviated from this, the food would go back into the container and we started over. Also, she had to wait to eat until she was allowed to eat. We did a few other things but you get the idea. In the beginning it would take an hour or so before she finally got to eat. Over time, that became her routine and she followed it to a T. We still follow that routine to this day with our dogs.

 

As I said it took a while but the agression stopped. And I mean stopped cold but neither my husband or I were completely comfortable with her. And I don't think she was ever completely comfortable with us.

 

Fast forward a year, a dear friend of ours was at the house and he and her were having a total love fest. I mean she was rolled over on her back letting him rub her belly, giving him kisses and letting him kiss and pet all over her. Something she had never really done with us.

 

We jokingly asked him if he wanted her and he said "yes but I know you'll call me in the morning wanting her back" Welp, we didn't call him back and he still has her to this day. He renamed her Boo Boo and she's an incredibly loving, friendly dog. She's all grey faced now, moves a little slower but you would have no idea what she was like so many years ago. Heck, he even taught her all kinds of tricks! They are a match made in heaven.

 

To this day, I still tear up when I go to his house and she rolls over for belly rubs. It's like night and day.

 

As I said at the beginning, I have zero advice to give but I want you to know there is hope. There is always hope as time and patience works wonders.

 

Anyhoo, I wish you the best of luck. Have confidence in yourself and your puppy. Chin up mate, even the worst of them can be rehabilitated.

[dallasbc]

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your advice and input! I spoke again with our animal behaviour specialist. I found out I had misunderstood about the cost of Dallas's treatment, and it's actually a bit cheaper than I anticipated, so yay! That is some relief. Part of his treatment also includes working alongside a trainer which is a huge relief. One of my problems was I just did not feel capable of training him by myself. I'm good training behaviours like sit, stay, come, etc but aggression? I have come to find that it is beyond me. I need a professional.

 

Once he is happy to be in his muzzle (we're getting there), we'll be seeing the specialist again to proceed to the next step in his treatment. More or less, we're just teaching him the appropriate way to respond to people and kids when he is scared or doesn't like them. Right now we're just teaching him the action (to come to my side and touch my hand) and keeping him away from people. Once he's good with his muzzle I think the plan of action is to start teaching him to perform the coming to my side and touching my hand action in the presence of his trigger starting with the trigger far away. I think I am oversimplifying what we will be going on to do, but that's the gist of it!

 

He's so good around us and our family. I do remember we had an issue with him snapping at our faces if we did something he didn't like or if he was a bit too excited when he was younger, but that has gone away. I'm hoping we'll see a huge turn around in his behaviour like you did with your lab, AnyaDogz. I'm so happy Boo Boo found a home she was happy in and the aggression went away!

 

I'm trying to maintain control of my emotions as well. I never had any anxiety taking him out until he started snapping at people. I'll keep working on my own emotions, though, and make sure to stay calm and upbeat

 

More than anything, I just really really hope we get him to a place where we can keep him and have kids. The thought of giving him up breaks my heart. However, I do know that if having kids around still stresses him out once we get to the point of having a baby, he'd be happier in another home. Not to mention it means our kid is safe! I know miracles can happen, so just hanging in there, working with Dallas as much as I can, and hoping for the best. Trying to balance between hoping an appropriate amount and getting my hopes up too much

 

But thanks again. You guys help me to feel so much better about the situation. Don't get me wrong, I do know there's still every chance I won't be able to keep him, but hearing your advice and stories helps me feel better about it all.

[GentleLake]

I'm so happy to hear you're able to work with the behavior specialist and that you have what sounds like a very reasonable and responsible plan moving forward!

 

I wish you all the best with Dallas. Do keep us posted as to how things are progressing.