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Tragic story... and now I need to find Riley a home


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This is a bit OT, but the stories of husbands learning to accept and enjoy the company of dogs reminded me of Ricky.

 

Ricky New was a homeless, drunken, heroin-addicted, mentally unstable man who lived in my neighborhood. He was loud, foul-mouthed and a known thief. In and out of jail dozens of times, he was known to all the local police, and had many civilian enemies as well.

 

As assistant manager of a large local flophouse, I had had my own run-ins with Ricky, and there was no love lost between us.

 

And then Ricky found Daisy - a feisty, nondescript, terrier-ish little dog that had been dumped on the street.

 

From that day on Ricky began to change. Slowly at first, but within a few months the change was noticeable to everyone familiar with him. He got on a methadone program – and fell off a few times – but eventually kicked. He started taking little jobs – sweeping in front of store fronts, helping people move, and other things.

 

Daisy was his constant companion. To everyone’s surprise he got her shots and a license, bathed her, brushed her, cut her nails and kept her on a leash most of the time. Watching Ricky remonstrate calmly, but very seriously with Daisy on her occasional outbursts of ruffian-ish behavior was a revelation to all who witnessed it.

 

For five years the companions frequented our streets, and Ricky began to make new friends. One day I asked him why I never saw him hanging around with his old crowd. He replied – with considerable heat – “I can’t! They would be mean to Daisy!

 

About two years ago Ricky was arrested. I don’t know what for, but he was taken on the street, and Daisy was not impounded. Some of his old crowd got hold of her. Three days later Ricky died in jail - under “suspicious circumstances“. I was never able to discover what he had been charged with or how he died.

 

Two weeks later a local firefighter saw Daisy in a homeless camp. He marched in and scooped her up. He took her to a vet, had her checked out, got her a set of shots and took her to a rescue organization in Sonoma County. Daisy was rehomed and now lives with a retired couple on a large spread in Sonoma.

 

Although she did her best, Daisy couldn’t save Ricky. But she did comfort his heart and calm his mind, and the changes in both of them were remarkable.

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That touching story reminds me of the James Herriot story about the youngster who was a village hellion, until he got a pup. His love for the pup and his need to be responsible to care for that pup, turned his life around. And then, some time later when he lost the pup to distemper, without that anchor in his life, he slipped into bad ways and cynicism again. I always thought that story illustrated the great good a dog can do in someone's life, and the great tragedy that could arise in losing that one good influence.

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But isn't that in many ways exactly what we are all trying to point out? Isn't that why animal assisted therapy works? Why service dogs provide so much not just for kids but also for adults?

These are facts. Not just some cute stories.

I live it. It is true. And to be honest, I feel sorry for the folks that are robbed of growing up responsible for another creature. Good and bad.

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The look in Getty's eyes this weekend was one of sheer horror....when some friends came over to visit and wanted his dog. They got Grace from us, 12 yrs ago and she is the love of their life. They loved Rainey and she was curled upside down in Sandy's arms. Sandy said "I would love to have Rainey" and the look of horror on Getty's face was priceless. Like I would give Rainey, his dog away or maybe the fact that someone else wanted his dog. As they left, he was holding Rainey in his arms......quite amusing!

 

They told us the story of their darkest days, when they lost their house and business and life was a dark hole and they wanted to give up....that Grace pulled them through and she saved their sanity. They regrouped, got a huge motorhome and now tour the states with Grace. They call her their lifeline. They go for walks and do all sorts of stuff with her. Peter used to be a bit overweight and not very active but now, he is trim and does lots of outside stuff.....had to learn to do that with a young Border Collie....I remember when they drove off with Grace in their brand new BMW and I said to Getty, "that won't last long" and two weeks later, they showed back up in a Subaru, they got for Grace. Grace got lots of sheeptime on the farm as when they lived here, they were about 2 miles away.

 

Have you husband do stuff with the dogs, like take a class ort solo walks...soon, he will bond and realize that he does love the dogs...you have heard stories of how people have come around.....the best part is when you do have children, the dog will protect and love the child.

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We came to the agreement last night that we would hold off on having children until the dogs passed on of old age. I will have several years to convince him that our children should not be dog-less even after their toddler years are over. At that point I'll have backup as well.

 

I would still appreciate any references to good behaviorists in the central Maryland, Northern VA area and any other good books or websites about preventing the resource guarding of people. The last few days I've been successful by avoiding the situations that I know really set him off, namely being in my office or laying in bed when my husband approaches. Riley is either kenneled or outside at those times.

 

Most of the articles I'm finding seem to suggest that the resource guarding is based on the idea that the dog values your attention and does not want to share... just like guarding a bone. I notice that Riley's guarding behavior escalates the more distracted or vulnerable I am. For instance, if I'm folding laundry in the bedroom he only looks hard at my husband when he enters. If I am sleeping, or laying down, he will growl. Likewise if I am in a happy or conversational mood when husband comes home, he is only mildly agitated when he enters my office. If I am engrossed in work and should not be disturbed, Riley is much more demonstrative.

 

Other than controlling where he is when hubby enters and making him the "treat man" does anyone have other training suggestions?

 

No amount of correction from me has made a difference in the behavior.

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Virgina Maryland vet teaching hospital in Blacksburg may have a behavioral program. But that is in the south of Virginia. It may not be any closer than U Penn in Philly. If I remember correctly they have a behavioral program. Good luck!

 

Jennifer

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I would check out Patricia McConnell on-line. She has a website, blog and has written several books on dog behavior. I would imagine that somewhere in her writings she has addressed resource guarding. Since she lives in Wisconsin (I think), she would be too far for a private consult - unless she does long-distance (which I don't know if she does or not).

 

I also know a dog behaviorist in Virginia Beach, but that may be too far.

 

Jovi

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Other than controlling where he is when hubby enters and making him the "treat man" does anyone have other training suggestions?

 

No amount of correction from me has made a difference in the behavior.

 

Do you mean correcting the Husband or the dog? ;)

 

You ignore Riley for a couple days. Husband feeds him, lets him out, walks him, etc. You might need to do this on a long weekend, so it can be consistent for a few days.

 

If Riley is growling, then Husband can take it a bit slower. Husband feeds Riley, but asks for a sit first. If Riley doesn't sit, (and if he knows this cue), the food dish gets placed on the counter and Husband leaves the kitchen, goes off and does something else for a few minutes. You are absent from this scenario, btw.

 

Husband returns to kitchen, picks up dog dish, asks Riley for a sit. If Riley sits and stays, Husband puts food on floor, then backs away a bit so Riley can get to food without dog or Husband feeling threatened.

 

This is basically the approach you want to take in all things with Husband and Riley. For example, letting Riley out to potty in the yard. Husband goes to door, asks for a sit or something from Riley. Riley complies, Riley gets to go out. Riley doesn't comply, Husband leaves the room, for just a minute, then returns and trys again. You may want to write out a plan of action for Husband, and go over each step. Husband needs to feel safe, or Riley might not respond well.

 

Re:training humans let your Husband know that you are grateful and happy that he is making this effort on your behalf. Tell him verbally, do some extra things for him around the house, get him a little gift. This is probably not something Husband would ever think to do on his own, and he is going out of his way to make you happy. Please let him know how much you appreciate him taking this trouble for you and Riley.

 

I had a roommate who had a beautiful African Grey parrot. They are very smart birds. Cleo didn't care for anyone but my roommate, until Roommate needed to go away for 4 days. I left Cleo in Roommate's room, entering only to feed/water/clean the cage. At the end of 24 hrs, Cleo was at the front of the cage asking to be let out whenever I came in. By the end of the 2nd day, Cleo was asking to be taken up on my forearm, and ride around the house with me. Cleo ended up being a very good friend. It never would have happened without creating that dependence on me.

 

Writing the plan of action might include breaking things down into tiny, tiny steps, as well. This is a big shift for all of you. And don't forget that you have another dog, Sarah. Maybe you could pay more attention to Sarah while Husband is working more with Riley.

 

Good luck, and I think you're awesome for working through these difficult things!

 

Ruth and Agent Gibbs

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Dear Doggers,

 

Riley's owner asked:

 

I would still appreciate any references to good behaviorists in the central Maryland, Northern VA area and any other good books or websites about preventing the resource guarding of people.

 

Margot Woods knows too much about dogs to be a behaviorist. She can certainly solve Riley's problems. When you arrive at her dog yard, watch the dogs.

 

http://www.applewoodsdogtraining.com/

 

Donald McCaig

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I have no personal knowledge of Applewoods or Margot Woods, but based on the website I gotta say its offerings look totally unsuitable for your needs, Riley-dog.

 

But it's great to hear that you and your husband have agreed on such a sensible solution. I'd certainly give Ruth's good suggestions a try if your husband will go for it.

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You ignore Riley for a couple days. Husband feeds him, lets him out, walks him, etc. You might need to do this on a long weekend, so it can be consistent for a few days.

 

If Riley is growling, then Husband can take it a bit slower. Husband feeds Riley, but asks for a sit first. If Riley doesn't sit, (and if he knows this cue), the food dish gets placed on the counter and Husband leaves the kitchen, goes off and does something else for a few minutes. You are absent from this scenario, btw.

 

Husband returns to kitchen, picks up dog dish, asks Riley for a sit. If Riley sits and stays, Husband puts food on floor, then backs away a bit so Riley can get to food without dog or Husband feeling threatened.

 

This is basically the approach you want to take in all things with Husband and Riley. For example, letting Riley out to potty in the yard. Husband goes to door, asks for a sit or something from Riley. Riley complies, Riley gets to go out. Riley doesn't comply, Husband leaves the room, for just a minute, then returns and trys again. You may want to write out a plan of action for Husband, and go over each step. Husband needs to feel safe, or Riley might not respond well.

 

 

Writing the plan of action might include breaking things down into tiny, tiny steps, as well. This is a big shift for all of you. And don't forget that you have another dog, Sarah. Maybe you could pay more attention to Sarah while Husband is working more with Riley.

 

Good luck, and I think you're awesome for working through these difficult things!

 

Ruth and Agent Gibbs

 

 

Yes! All of the above!!!

 

And I might add that this takes time...we are still working on this at my house, although we've been able to move away from just DH feeding the dogs and we've made great strides. Time and patience will do it!! :)/>

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If you would like to get yourself a good book, I recommend Click to Calm by Emma Parsons. Please don't let the subtitle "Healing the Aggressive Dog" put you off. The book really isn't strictly about aggression, per se. And it has an excellent, excellent section on resource guarding. You and your husband would probably get quite a lot out of it.

 

Another good resource, inexpensive but excellent, is Jean Donaldson's "Mine".

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Riley-dog, I am very happy you and your husband are having such good conversations about Sarah and Riley. I think you are on the right track, and I hope the excellent advice you have received here will help in your future decisions about dogs and your family.

 

Best wishes!

 

Amy

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While I always hate to hear about a lil one getting nipped by a dog, I have a very similar story which didn't end in heartbreak at either end. We got Murray over Labor Day weekend as a 7 week old little menace. I thought we were given a tazmanian devil in error when he was in one of his "crazy" spells. Of course, being a puppy, he'd pass out for hours following just 1 hour of running around like a mad man. We don't have many little kids in our circle of friends or family but a close cousin of mine has two beautiful girls (ages 8 and 2) which we only see at major holidays. My dad's birthday was celebrated at the end of September and my cousin brought her girls, and we brought Murray, still working on the puppy socialization. He was AMAZING with the older of the two, and the lil one really took a shine to Mur. During dinner, we relocated his dog tie-out/run away from the table/grill/food and when the 2 year old was done eating, she took off to play in the yard. Needless to say, her curiosity with Mur resulted in her walking over to pet him. He then went from nap mode to OMG SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH mode, jumping up and knocking her to the ground before anyone knew what was going on. She started crying, my husband in irish mood swing anger grabbed Mur, threw him in the crate and hauled him to the truck to take him home and my cousin and I picked up her daugher, cleaned off the grass and grabbing a popcicle to silence the screaming. She had some scratches on her face from Mur's excited jumping and with some neosporin she was fine inside 3 minutes. This was both my bad for not staying by MY dog and my cousin's for not keeping an eye on her daughter. We shared the responsibility in this judgement lapse equally. Mur has since been around the girls more than a handful of times sence, and always treats the 2 year old with kid gloves. I've never seen a more sensitive dog to a toddler. She loves to give him treats, he loves to slober her face. I thought for sure the shame I received from my husband wouldn't cease after the incident. He totally blamed me for the error but puppies AND dogs can learn from their errors. So can humans. I hope you find a middle ground when it comes to the dog. I know we did. We took Murray to regular pupy socialization classes held at a dog day care center with a certified behavior specialist who supervised and gave training tips. I then enrolled Mur into formal obedience courses at a center which uses the Control Unleashed method. The instructor was GREAT and had experience training all sorts of breeds for the service dog sector. But I went hunting for a class with an instructor like her. Going to group classes at PetSmart wasn't going to be enough for Murray.

 

Summing up my small novel, work with the husband (I know we had to sit at the kitchen table and lay out a plan of attack/timeline TOGETHER), work with BOTH dogs and work with your family/other kids. I feel there should be a middle ground. Your husband should be a partner (I'm a newlywed myself and let me tell you, I wish obedience tactics worked on husbands) and it is a VERY big adjustment to go from dating/living together to having the formal title on things. We've been together for 8 years and this last eyar of being married we have butted heads on more issues than I care to think about. Find a way to work this out, your marrage will just be that much stronger. Heck, I've almost got my husband convinced on a SECOND dog and Murray is just 6 months old and the hubby said we failed at Murray after only 3 weeks. Why did he change his mind on Mur and become open to another dog? Because WE decided to put in the effort on Mur and he's repaid us by becoming a upstanding member of the family. Best wishes on whatever course you may decide.

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If you would like to get yourself a good book, I recommend Click to Calm by Emma Parsons. Please don't let the subtitle "Healing the Aggressive Dog" put you off. The book really isn't strictly about aggression, per se. And it has an excellent, excellent section on resource guarding. You and your husband would probably get quite a lot out of it.

 

Another good resource, inexpensive but excellent, is Jean Donaldson's "Mine".

Thank you for the suggestions. I've been reading Click To Calm today. It's very well written and I think it will be very applicable to our situation. I was happy to see that it was available as an ebook. I also ordered Mine.

 

Riley responds very well to hubby when I'm not around or if he is not approaching one of his trigger zones that I mentioned... my office or bedroom while I'm in it. He will respond to his commands and show him a great deal of affection. Hubby already performs about half of the feeding and care. I think a training method that incorporates having hubby ask for a specific response and having Riley respond for a treat will be the best approach. Very much what is advocated in Click to Calm. Redirect him to an appropriate behavior at or before the first sign of aggression... the hard stare.

 

I'm realizing that I've really neglected Riley's training. I was on top of it when he was a pup and had so much to learn and then at some point I just expected the good, consistent behavior as status quo and stopped putting in so much effort. Less positive training and more correction. Time to get back to work training back in the good behaviors and consistency.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi, I am just so happy that Riley can stay with the owner he lives for. I read the story today and was heartbroken to think that he would be sent away from his family and his home. Sorry I'm no help at all, but thanks for finding a way of keeping Riley xx

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