Changing the Rules

[geonni banner]

I live alone. I feed my dog at the table. I have rules about it - no nose-bumping, whining, etc. Watching me eat is OK, as long as she doesn't cruise the edge of the table or touch me. She understands and is polite.

 

If I were to suddenly find myself in a live-in relationship or move to a shared housing situation I might be living with folks that either were bothered by a dog next to the table or would be concerned that their dogs might start begging at table. If this were the case I would teach my dog to stay away from the table while people were eating.

 

I don't think this is a problem, but in a conversation with a dog-owning friend she opined that it "wasn't fair" to the dog to have her mealtime treats cut off. She felt that the dog would be unfairly disappointed by such a change.

 

I think that if circumstances change, dogs' rules can be fairly changed, and that if the change is made without making the dog confused or using punitive teaching methods, then there is minimal or no negative impact on them. What do you think?

[Sue R]

I believe that dogs are much more adaptable than many people give them credit for being; that they don't sit around thinking, "Well, this isn't fair."; that they don't tend to worry (at least not in the same ways we do); and that you need to do what you feel is best for you and your dog, and with an eye to the future.

 

We have had dogs and have had to "change the rules". They may resist at first because it's not the way it's always been done, but they adapt and learn a new set of rules. Teach them fairly and consistently, and your dog will make the change with minimal stress.

 

Best wishes working it out.

 

PS - We don't feed the dogs while we are eating but they are allowed to lie at our feet or in the kitchen as long as they are polite. When we are done eating, we call them for their treats. Everyone seems happy and, after all, the anticipation is often much more enjoyable than the actual treat - it lasts longer, gives great pleasure in itself, and provides a learning (and impulse-controlling) opportunity.

[Cody & Duchess]

I am a believer in calm energy, clear message. Life is full of changes and perimeters move. As long as you set out your new wishes in a calm, clear manner I see no problem. That being said - I also think every dog is different and should be handled to meet their personality. That is my belief and some think I am a little crazy ( I can live with that).

[Root Beer]

How about teaching your dog to rest in a crate near the table while you eat, and get treats at the end of the meal? Then if your circumstances change, it's just a matter of relocating the crate, which the dog is used to going into anyway.

 

Rules and structures can change. It is my preference to make those changes as natural as possible, when I can, but sometimes that's not an option.

[Jeri Jessee]

My dog goes to her crate while I am eating. That's just my preference. My father lets his dog sit next to him with his head in his lap and beg for bites. However, Spur recently had surgery and was unable to have any table treats for two weeks. Dad was afraid Spur would be traumatized and upset. Guess what - at the end of the two weeks, he was out of the habit and now does not care! I think dogs, at least mine, just roll with the flow. And despite my best efforts to be consistent, they forgive me for when I am not.

[juliepoudrier]

I see no reason not to have a set of rules that works for you. If your situation changes and then the rules have to change, I don't think the dog will be traumatized. Right now I work from home. The dogs have the run of the house all day and go out as often as they want. If I took a regular job, then the rules would change and the dogs would adapt. I have too many dogs to be bothered with crating everyone if I want to eat. So they can lie at my feet or whatever, as long as they aren't pestering me or putting their nose in my plate. If I have company who would prefer not to have dogs hanging around while we eat, then I put the dogs outside or gate them in another room. None of them seem bothered by the change in routine. As Sue said, dogs adapt.

 

I do agree that when you are training a dog, the rules need to be consistent so that the dog doesn't get confused. But in daily life, the dogs just go with the flow.... My dogs may be disappointed that we no longer walk to the river several times a day (I'm disappointed), but they don't seem to lie around pining over the fact that we no longer take that walk. And if it ever gets to the point (cold enough?) for ticks to go away, we'll start doing those walks again. And next spring when the ticks start coming out in force, we'll stop the walks again. I think when we stop, they'll be expecting the walks for a few days or weeks, but then they'll realize that our routine has changed and will settle into that new routine. I doubt they'll be thinking about their disappointment when the routine has changed though.

 

J.

[mbc1963]

Flex.

 

I teach school, and one of the common pieces of advice I hear people give young teachers is, "Be really hard and strict at first. You can always gets softer, but you can never get stricter." And actually, I think that's completely incorrect. You can always amend the rules at a later date - as long as you're willing to be consistent and clear in the new expectations. (Consistent and clear is the problem for young teachers - not the level of strictness, I think.)

 

I find that with my dog, too. He's pretty bright, and can adapt pretty well to new things.

 

Mary

[brady's mom]

My instructor says that dogs learn through fading. Whatever no longer works for them in getting what they want they fade out. So I don't think it would be hard to change the rules at all. maybe a little harder on the human, but the dog would get on just fine.

[Rave]

"fair" and any emotions stemming from that is human, not canine.

[bcnewe2]

Some of.my dogs are "beggars" some are not. All but deaf old girl JazzieMay understand the word GET which means go somewhere else. So a dog might wander up to a visiting guest and give them their sweet begging eyes, but if I or the guest says get. Off they go.

 

I usually eat alone, I enjoy sharing but they do know.sometimes its not gonna happen. Cept Miss May. She's old and can't hear anything or so she has me believing. She gets a pass on just about all the doggy rules. She's earned it in my book.

[border_collie_crazy]

I think dogs accept change just fine...I have changed the rules on my dogs a number of times, I changed their rules on walks, I changed their car ride rules and I changed their sleeping rules, all got stricter, to make doing thing with 4 dogs at a once easier and more pleasent. my dogs resisted all of them at first, but now we are all happy with the chages

[rushdoggie]

Dogs can handle rule changes.

 

When I was single I slept in a queen size bed with the Border Collie and 2 Papillons. When my husband came along, we didn't all fit, and the Border Collie gladly took the couch, but the two littles still were on the bed. I lasted about two weeks with the six foot two human and the little dead weights laying on my head or my legs before I decided this wasn't going to work.

 

I bought two nice dog beds with elevated sides, and super comfy pads, made a place for them in the bedroom, and changed the rules. Dogs sleep in their beds, humans in theirs. It took 2 nights of gently putting them back into their new beds and it was done. Five years later everyone sleeps happily and no one gets on the bed without permission.

[Kelleybean]

I don't think I could eat without a golden retriever laying on my feet--just wouldn't feel right.

[alligande]

I also agree that rules can be adjusted as needed: we always used to be very strict about dinner time, when humans ate dogs went to their beds (each has their own corner of the dinning room) as I hate going to peoples houses and having their dogs head in my lap while eating. Now we are an all Border Collie house, the dogs know that when they get sent to their beds they stay there, but there are days when the male human is feeling generous and likes to share his dinner.

We also had no problem tightening up the rules about getting out of cars, dogs used to just jump out, now they have wait for permission.

[Jedismom]

I don't think I could eat without a golden retriever laying on my feet--just wouldn't feel right.

 

I know the feeling well!

[ejano]

We do feed the dogs from the table, but as in most things, DH and I have a different style. DH is up way before me and immediately shares his toast and jam at breakfast time so they eagerly circle around DH. (There was the morning he found Robin sitting in a chair at the table, waiting to be served but that was just the one time... ). On the other hand, I finish what I'm eating, then give them a tidbit, so they wait, lying quietly until I'm ready to share. They do know "company" manners -- that is, when the tablecloth is on, they stay back a certain distance.

 

So, if you were eating alone, you and your pup could share a companionable bite together, but if you had human companions to sup, she would understand that she would be waiting her turn for a tidbit... dogs are adaptable... it's all about patterns of behavior.