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Mourning the Past


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Tomorrow I officially will no longer be a home owner. My country place will move on to someone else. This is mostly good news. I haven't lived out there for well over a year since I moved to the suburbs to join the love of my life.

 

I couldn't afford to buy the house on my own so I went in on it with a partner. Everyone told me not to, its a bad idea. But I was stubborn and I desperately wanted this place. So I did what I had to to get it. Of course it wasn't long after that I heard the "I told you so"s in my head. Oh the frustration! I drove my friends and family crazy for two years complaining about the mess I had got myself into. And then there was the torture of selling the place. Then finally a deal was made!

 

I bought the country house for my dogs. I needed a place out of the city where they could run off leash. I had eventually hoped to add a few sheep. But I found that I no longer had money to travel to trials and clinics because it all went into the house. I found peace by gardening. And then I met the love of my life. Sadly he lives in the suburbs. We talked about buying out my partner. But there were just too many factors against us. It broke my heart but I placed two of my dogs in working homes with friends. I only kept my dear biscuit eater that no one but me could love. Off to the suburbs we went to live happily ever after!

 

But still I'm sad. Way more so than I thought I would be. I find myself quietly falling to tears here and there as I think about particular past times. I LOVE that piece of land. It had lawn, gardens, pasture, and woods with paths. Great (far away!) neighbors. I guess sometimes I forget all the frustration I had. And I have tremendous guilt for choosing love over my dogs. Even though I know they are very happy where they are and that I deserve love too.

 

So tomorrow morning I will sign the papers officially closing that chapter of my life. On to something even better!

 

Jennifer

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Tomorrow I officially will no longer be a home owner. My country place will move on to someone else. This is mostly good news. I haven't lived out there for well over a year since I moved to the suburbs to join the love of my life.

 

I couldn't afford to buy the house on my own so I went in on it with a partner. Everyone told me not to, its a bad idea. But I was stubborn and I desperately wanted this place. So I did what I had to to get it. Of course it wasn't long after that I heard the "I told you so"s in my head. Oh the frustration! I drove my friends and family crazy for two years complaining about the mess I had got myself into. And then there was the torture of selling the place. Then finally a deal was made!

 

I bought the country house for my dogs. I needed a place out of the city where they could run off leash. I had eventually hoped to add a few sheep. But I found that I no longer had money to travel to trials and clinics because it all went into the house. I found peace by gardening. And then I met the love of my life. Sadly he lives in the suburbs. We talked about buying out my partner. But there were just too many factors against us. It broke my heart but I placed two of my dogs in working homes with friends. I only kept my dear biscuit eater that no one but me could love. Off to the suburbs we went to live happily ever after!

 

But still I'm sad. Way more so than I thought I would be. I find myself quietly falling to tears here and there as I think about particular past times. I LOVE that piece of land. It had lawn, gardens, pasture, and woods with paths. Great (far away!) neighbors. I guess sometimes I forget all the frustration I had. And I have tremendous guilt for choosing love over my dogs. Even though I know they are very happy where they are and that I deserve love too.

 

So tomorrow morning I will sign the papers officially closing that chapter of my life. On to something even better!

 

Jennifer

 

Here's to the future!!! Good luck and always have fun!

 

Deb

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I'm feeling your sense of loss all too well. Your signature on those papers sort of releases you into a whole new life, doesn't it, ending a chapter in your life that obviously meant a lot to you. Every now and then, take a peek into that chapter of your life and take from it something into your future. It's always going to be a part of you. Treasure its memories but go on and make new ones. See what memories will be in your future to make.

 

This quote really speaks to me:

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now."

 

Go and write this new chapter in your life.

 

All the best to you.

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"Losing" a place that you've grown attached to is almost like losing someone or something you are attached to. There's heartbreak and grieving. But, for you, you have a bright future ahead and I wish you (both) the very best!

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Thank you for the well wishes. I drove by the old place this morning before the closing and already it didn't look like "mine" anymore. The new owner is very excited and I'm sure she will love the place like I did. That made me feel better somehow.

 

Jennifer

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