grenzehund Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 What a sad situation for Ebby. Here's hoping you'll be able to put things to rights. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lrayburn Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Okay, I'll admit that I skipped a lot of the posts but here are my two quick thoughts. The first is that maybe Ebby's quirkiness was not so obvious when it was just you and your dogs. Secondly, you may be more stressed overall (yes great things have happened but change is hard either way and there are more people/dogs in the mix now) and you are focusing that stress on Ebby. I have two dogs that can be difficult for different reasons. I find myself getting frustrated with them when I'm already stressed by other things and their routine starts to break down and their behavior gets more difficult to deal with. Both of them are very easy dogs when they are alone but the more people/dogs in the mix, the more difficult both of them become. Sometimes when I'm in a situation where I compare them to easier dogs, I get more frustrated with them. When it is just us, I rarely do just because I don't think about it. One thing that has helped for me is realizing that I have made progress with both dogs but I am never going to *fix* either one and that is okay. The other is trying to maintain a routine. For my Ben, exercise is important. For Nellie, a little alone playtime is what she needs. For Ebby, you might try thinking about more physical exercise (structured in a way that she can tolerate it of course) and enrichment activities to keep her mind working. My Pip is very physically needy similar to how you described Ebby and I have done a couple of things to change our dynamic. You might try removing attention when she gets overly excited (I know you are sending her away but you might try getting up and moving away from her instead ~ teaches a slightly different lesson) and also rewarding her with attention and petting when she moves away from you. Send her away and then go to her and reward her with attention. Good luck working this out. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urge to herd Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Michelle, First, I admire you for continuing to read the posts and not grumbling off in a huff. That takes some maturity and good character. Many people don't stick around to figure out these things out. Second, I 've got one of those quirky dogs, too. When Buzz got sick last year and through his whole illness, more than once I thought, "This really isn't fair. Shoshone should be the one to go first." But Buzzie left us and Shoshone is still here. With Ebby, if you can find a good, balanced trainer to help with her extreme 'shut down' reaction, I think you'd be doing yourselves a world of good. We often can't see what we're doing that's causing a dog to shy away or freeze up or go over the top. It sounds like in some ways you've been a really good owner for her. It might be possible to turn that into being a great owner with some outside help. If you get a trainer, please don't work with one who will say it's all about dominance, or that Ebby is trying to take over the world. It sounds to me like she's highly sensitive to your tone and body language, and you're not as aware of what you're doing as you could learn to be. Good luck with her, and thanks for stopping and thinking about what's going on instead of dumping her. Ruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pansmom Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I have only ever really owned two dogs as an adult, both BC/BC-mixes, so take this with a grain of salt, but my first dog - Pan, the previously mentioned fear aggressive BC/possible black lab mix - sent me to a board-certified veterinary behaviorist in another state and forced me to do tons of research to try to save her life, so I basically got a crash course in reactive dogs. Ebby definitely sounds quirky, and by quirky I mean reactive, but those problems don't sound impossible at all! Has anyone ever talked to you about totally nonconfrontational training methods so she doesn't shut down - like instead of saying "uh uh" just removing eye contact? My BC/lab would go totally reactive and attack me (out of FEAR) sometimes if I used any kind of correction other than simply removing eye contact. If I withdrew attention, however, that worked a lot better. When she wasn't totally over threshold, removing eye contact would prompt her to stop whatever she was doing, reconsider, and respond with a default sit or down. This might be a strategy you could try too. I use it a lot now in my volunteer work at a shelter and also with my new dog, Vala. Vala is a shelter dog, somewhere between 3-5, whom I adopted 6 weeks ago from where I volunteer. She sounds like Ebby in a few ways, she had tons of quirks when we first got her, she was scared of indoor floor textures, she would shut down and stop walking if she got scared and just sit and stay plopped in a spot. She spent the first month finding gradually more and more sociable hiding spots. The only thing she would come out for at first was if I scolded a cat, for example, for getting on a countertop. Then she would run out of her hiding spot with her hair standing on end and bark at the cat to stop whatever it was doing like Miss Enforcer. Or, if I paid positive attention to a cat she would run at me from her hiding spot and try to horn in to steal the positive attention (basically resource guarding me from them). She was reactive to sound (thunder, a chair creaking, a cat mewing, weird stuff like that), running away (for thunder) or running toward the sound (for everything else). She would get upset and bark a bit crazily if I put my hands up in the air and flailed a little or if I danced. But compared to my last dog she was an angel! I love how she follows me around, and how polite and timid she is, and how her recall is so solid. I think her quirks are cute and bizarre. She loves me more than anything it seems, and would follow me anywhere, and seems to truly think I am her protector. The first couple days I fixed the sit/stay/refuse to move thing because she was scared by just ignoring it and aborting the behavior - pulling her along - because basically there was no reason for her to be scared so I would act like I didn't even notice she was and she quickly learned to copy my nonchalant attitude. For the first month, I used time-outs to teach her to ignore the cats, until all that was left was the resource guarding me from them. And then a couple weeks ago I started using a very mild correction - now that she trusted me - a soft clap, to get her to stop even that. (Since I started doing that she has generalized and no longer resource guards me from any other animals in any other situations, nor does she RG my husband. I think I mishandled something she did in the beginning and for a while there she thought it was OK to RG me. But now she knows it's not and doesn't.) I used desensitization to get her to stop freaking out about the dancing/flailing (basically by doing it slowly, and treating, then doing it faster, and faster, treating each time, until the motion was associated with something positive - we still have a bit more work to do with this but I'm working on it). And everything else I flat out ignore her for (remove eye contact). Her running toward sounds is getting less common, and also she stops at a bigger distance. I look at Vala as a bit of a goody two shoes and a drama queen (likes to be the center of attention) and I love her for it. Ebby sounds similarly hilarious. A good bit more neurotic but super sweet. And smart. And super in love with you honestly. Has anyone ever recommended densensitization (for example giving her a super high value treat every time your husband yawns or the door opens while she is crated? eating is an incompatible behavior with screeching, obviously, so she couldn't do both). Have you tried to stopping the attention hoarding too? She sounds like she is super obedient and pliable, listening to down stays, etc. Teaching her a time-out command - a command to remove herself from the situation and go to a specified place - and consistently giving it every time she practices the attention hoarding should quickly teach her that behavior doesn't get her what she wants. Emma Parsons CLICK TO CALM is a good book for a reactive dog and also MINE by Jean Donaldson (to stop her from resource guarding you from the other dogs, that's what the screeching and coming at you sounds like to me when you call them annd she comes). Both those books were recommended to me tons of times by people on this board and then again by my board-certified veterinary behaviorist. And Ebby needs to know an "All done" or "That'll be all" command if "Back off" simply means moving away. You can also body block without eye contact. Withdrawing eye contact might be really useful in that scenario? And can you read dog body language? There are some good books on that. Others will have titles. Just a bunch of thoughts. Other more experienced BC people may have more to say now that you've posted the actual problems. ETA: Was reading another post and remembered another thing I did to stop her from RGing me from the cats - I also treated her and paid her attention while petting them, treating them both, taking turns - all before I tried the soft clap. And I STILL praise her when I pet the cats and she watches calmly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kibblebit Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I think that perhaps your frustration is coming from a different source. I agree that you should not let the dog play with the horse, and it seems you have learned that it's no longer a good idea. But the violent anger might be coming from your life situation. I find I'm most angry with Jake when I'm dissatisfied with other aspects of my life. Next time you feel violent, perhaps you should do something physical like running it out or listening to music. See if letting go of your general anger helps at all. I don't really know much about your life situation, but it could help. Also do some things that Ebby is good at and do them with her. Jake is good at hiking off leash and when I hike with her I remember why she's such a great dog. try teaching her a new trick. Maybe train her to herd properly.Yes she will frustrate you. I think that happens all the time. If you don't think it's going to work out between you two, then perhaps she might do better in a home that caters to her needs. You should do what's right by her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Cressa Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Can't be of much help and I know there are a ton of people on here with way more experience. I notice with me I get more frustrated with them when I hear a ton of critiquing from family. I heard a lot of criticism when, Troy, my youngster and didn't behave like, Cressa, my adult. Or Cressa has HIGH prey drive. For me I had to learn just to ignoring the critics and focus on the good aspect of each dog. Cressa can be goofy and LOVES to think and figure things out for herself. Troy is one of the most reliable dogs when greeting people he has never met a stranger. He LIVES for attention. And would throw 110% of himself into whatever I am asking. One way I focus on their good/goofy side is doing free shaping just using the C/T method. Its not any pressure on them you just sit and wait for a behavior then C/T. It took Troy forever to figure out that I wanted HIM to think but now just today I was sitting there waiting for a behavior and he laying down scooted backward a couple of feet! Anyway good luck with however you decide to handle the situation! Hope you start enjoying your dogs again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbfoley Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Okay, I'll admit that I skipped a lot of the posts but here are my two quick thoughts. The first is that maybe Ebby's quirkiness was not so obvious when it was just you and your dogs. Secondly, you may be more stressed overall That is a possible cause as well. This has been kind of a stressful year. My grandpa died in early January, my dad had a heart attack/triple bypass in late January, Pixie died during the two weeks I was in Louisiana taking care of dad, put my other horse down due to infirmities of old age in late February, a summer full of personal problems, in August my mom called me from the hospital saying she had had an ambulance come get her and they thought she was having a heart attack, a very stressful 24 hours with her at the hospital as they struggled to figure out why she was in so much pain, last month my cousin was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks later, last week in one conversation I found out that my grandma had another stroke and is stable but basically comatose, dad got laid off and he thinks he's having the signs of early Alzheimers (grandma is advanced Alzheimers in addition to several strokes), etc etc etc. I don't remember when it was exactly that I started "training" on her and getting frustrated but it was early in the year. One thing that has helped for me is realizing that I have made progress with both dogs but I am never going to *fix* either one and that is okay. Good luck working this out. Lisa Thanks for the support and the ideas. I am hoping now that I have an idea of what started this that it won't be too much trouble to get back to square one. Then further down I have gotten some good ideas to try and work through some of her issues - with the explicit understanding at all times that if it doesn't work it doesn't work, she's just my quirky psycho dog and that's all she ever really needs to be. First, I admire you for continuing to read the posts and not grumbling off in a huff. That takes some maturity and good character. Many people don't stick around to figure out these things out. Well I figured someone would eventually have some helpful advice if I spewed enough information. I have been on enough forums to know that I wasn't going to get all positive results but I knew some would come eventually. Second, If you get a trainer, please don't work with one who will say it's all about dominance, or that Ebby is trying to take over the world. It sounds to me like she's highly sensitive to your tone and body language, and you're not as aware of what you're doing as you could learn to be. Ruth Thanks for the advice. First is to get back to being ok with her quirks, then we will worry about working with them. I am already not a fan of dominance training in general and certainly not for a sensitive dog like Ebby. I have in the past thought about finding a trainer to work with us, just haven't done it. Perhaps it's time to do so. Ebby definitely sounds quirky, and by quirky I mean reactive, but those problems don't sound impossible at all! No she's not a BAD dog at ALL. Just...quirky lol. Has anyone ever talked to you about totally nonconfrontational training methods so she doesn't shut down - like instead of saying "uh uh" just removing eye contact? Not to the extent you have talked about no. I will do some research and see what I can learn, it sounds interesting, thanks! And can you read dog body language? There are some good books on that. Others will have titles. Just a bunch of thoughts. Other more experienced BC people may have more to say now that you've posted the actual problems. You have definitely given me lots to think about, thank you so much! I think now that I have a pretty good idea of the root problem that I can get us back to where we were at least and you guys have given me lots to think about on how to get even better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbfoley Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I think that perhaps your frustration is coming from a different source. Hmm that's possible too. I am a seriously non confrontational person. I often have bad dreams and I have always said that I get my fighting out in my dreams so I don't have to in real life. Maybe it's found a spot to leak out. Guess I'll have to see what I can do about that. I knew this wasn't HER problem but rather MY problem. One way I focus on their good/goofy side is doing free shaping just using the C/T method. Its not any pressure on them you just sit and wait for a behavior then C/T. It took Troy forever to figure out that I wanted HIM to think but now just today I was sitting there waiting for a behavior and he laying down scooted backward a couple of feet! I LOVE clicker training! I did it quite a bit with Henry when he was younger and a little with Ebby as a puppy but I didn't have much success at the time. I should find the clicker again and do some playing with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maralynn Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Start making a list about what you like in your dog. They all have quirks and sometimes we don't realize how good they are until we stop and make an effort to focus on that instead of the negative. I'd also get her out for some one on one time with you. You've got a house full of dogs and sometimes it's harder to appreciate a quirky dog especially when they're more work than the rest. But getting her out and working just with her will build a relationship with her and help you appreciate her for who she is. My 4 y/o Kipp can be a bit of a brat compared to 10 y/o Missy who is just good all the time. He has selective hearing at times, he still obsesses over the cats after 3 years of work, he likes to chew on random things, etc. Working with him was a huge learning curve for me and he drove me nuts at times - the dog seemed to have a severe case of canine ADD and he was dog reactive! Then I decided I wanted to do SAR and he was my only choice for the job. I now needed to get out and work with him on his own, I had training goals for him and an end focus in mind. So I learned to work with the type of dog he was. I figured out how to best train him in specific areas. And after training him for 2+ years, I have come to appreciate him for who he is and his attitude in life has slowly changed from ADD to a much more focused dog (with just a slight hint a ADD ) who is eager to work with me and craves my approval. It wasn't easy at first because Missy had always been my girl and it was easy to get out and do things with her - with Kipp it took real work. Once I got him, he wasn't going anywhere - he was my dog for better or worse. But if I had never put all the extra work into him, I doubt he would have been nearly as special as he is to me today - he'd have still been my dog, but now he's my buddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pansmom Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I have in the past thought about finding a trainer to work with us, just haven't done it. Perhaps it's time to do so. Not sure where you are, but I'm in Louisiana and there are a TON of dominance based trainers here. Bad bad bad advice is rampant and everywhere (I made that mistake twice with Pan, getting advice from dominance theory/Dog whisperer type trainers/writers and their advice totally backfired for her). If you are somewhere where you can find a veterinary behaviorist, who maybe gives lessons/classes on the side (my vet behaviorist does that in Sugarlands, TX), that would be ideal! I learned so much in only 3 hours of meeting my vet behaviorist it was unreal. Totally worth the $400 or whatever it cost (plus the drive out there). Especially with all the followup emails. In the end, I couldn't save my poor Pan, but it truly impacted the way I interact with and understand animals very positively. For a non-aggressive dog like Ebby whose issues you can easily manage, you might not want to pay for an actual vet behaviorist appointment, but you could definitely contact a vet behaviorist near you and ask them if they give private training lessons or classes, and if not ask them to recommend someone you could take private lessons or classes with who is good with reactive dogs. You want someone who can show you how to interact with Ebby so you can understand her better (and get to know her better, quirks and all!) and then learn how to communicate with her better through body language without making her shut down and go unreceptive. It's really quite sweet the way she cares so much about pleasing you - in that she can't take criticism without shutting down - if you think about it. ETA: On further thought, honestly it sounds like it's been a REALLY rough year for you. Ebby probably isn't the real problem. I have found many times in my life when I'm stressed out about something big (or many big stressful things, like you have had happen lately), I don't react to the big things, because I know I have to be strong for them. But for the small things I let my guard down and they're what ends up getting me. So like you've been stressed, had all these life-changing things happen, and you're emotionally wiped out! You no longer have the emotional energy to deal with the small things that you were once happy to bear. So... you have a couple choices. You can try to help Ebby in a more educated way so she doesn't cause the low-grade stress anymore - maybe your first instinct was right and it's something you'll want to throw yourself into, once you have the tools to succeed - maybe it would distract you or be a place you can direct all that energy, maybe in the end your bad year could help improve your and Ebby's relationship to a place where you both really enjoy it. Or maybe that would be too much, add more stress that you're not ready for. Maybe you just need a break. And if that's the case, don't beat yourself up. Just make a list like Maralynn suggested of all the good thigns about her, or take her on a quiet long walk once a day and only ask of her what you know she can do well for a while. And know that in the future when life calms down you have a challenge to look forward to, and that Ebby is waiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyer Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 If your post about her quirks are actually accurate, send her to me now. I'm with Pansmom on this. She sounds like a verrrry sensitive, adoring, enthusiastic, silly-getting pup who needs some boundaries and to learn how to calm. Read Patricia Mc Connell's books, Leslie McDevitt's "Control Unleashed", "Click to Calm". All have great methods of helping a dog to acquire self control. I also want to say that rehoming her might be appropriate. You two just may not be a match. Some people like more serious dogs and I'm doubting she will ever be that. She sounds like a sweetheart to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbfoley Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Thank you guys for the continued support, ideas and book suggestions. I am headed home now, I will be back on sometime tomorrow, not sure when but it won't be for long, I'm not always on the computer for more than a few minutes outside of work. Oh and for the umpteenth time I AM NOT GETTING RID OF MY DOG. We got along just fine until I started trying to "fix" her and we will once again once I figure out how to get back in my previous state of mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoloRiver Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Realistically, this dog would be hard to rehome. She's a middle-aged Lab mix and they aren't exactly rare anywhere. However, you never know. I am not big on psychoanalysis. To me, it sounds obvious that you dislike your dog and that she knows it, and that she is incredibly insecure and therefore obsequiously submissive. But I'm not there, so I don't really know. I just feel sorry for this poor dog, who can never be what you think she should be. If you're not going to rehome this dog and you can't bring yourself to love her, or like her, at least try to remember that she is a DOG, for chrissake, and attempt to be fair to her even if you can't bring yourself to be nice. Poor dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms.DaisyDuke Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I LOVE clicker training! I did it quite a bit with Henry when he was younger and a little with Ebby as a puppy but I didn't have much success at the time. I should find the clicker again and do some playing with it. Yes, you should. I read some posts on the first page and sorta skimmed this page, so forgive me if I repeat some stuff others have said. My dog, who has more "quirks" than you could EVER imagine, took a lot out of me early on. I just couldn't figure out how to train her...I didn't even start with clicker training until she was 2 but she had super short attention span until she was like 1, so maybe the extra maturity will help with your training now...? My dog shuts down at the drop of a hat, she's fearful of people and other dogs, freaks out when people leave the house and barks at me when I sneeze, demanding when she wants attention and ridiculously motion sensitive, especially when other dogs move fast... sound familiar? I've found a great trainer who uses positive only methods, read a crap load of books and worked through all the issues she has. She's no bomb proof dog, but leaps and bounds better than she was. It just takes some work. If I found my self getting frustrated while training, I would get her to do a behaviour that she knew well and end the session on a positive note. Write down what was making me frustrated and analyze what I was doing wrong later. The next day, I'd try again. I took a reactive dog class and the trainer requested that we keep a training journal. At first I thought it was silly, but once I started doing it and going over it in class and talking about what was going wrong and what progress we were making, it really opened my eyes. That is a very useful tool. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Cressa Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 ... Maybe you just need a break. And if that's the case, don't beat yourself up. Just make a list like Maralynn suggested of all the good thigns about her, or take her on a quiet long walk once a day and only ask of her what you know she can do well for a while. And know that in the future when life calms down you have a challenge to look forward to, and that Ebby is waiting. I second (or is it third ) that idea! Thats a great idea. and it should help calm and sooth(sp?) your nerves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoseAmy Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Sorry but I'm really confused here. In the first post the op said that she always watched the horse and dog play and if it started to get out of hand she put the dog in a down stay for awhile. How spastic and neurotic is this dog if after chasing a horse it will down stay? This dog is 6 and you just now have decided you don't like this dog? I agree with what others have said..make no mistake the dog knows you don't like it. The dog sounds very soft and just trying to find someway to get your attention. Unless I'm missing something here I haven't heard anything that makes me feel this dog is spastic and/or neurotic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammyd Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 You have had some great advice here TBH your girl sounds great, loving and totaly trainable - You just need to sit and figure out all the good things about her and connect with her again I had lots of trouble bonding with Mia to start with, what I found has helped lots is understanding her and looking at her good points. Clicker training - or some form of positive training sounds a totaly fab way to go with this girl, if she is shutting down when you say she has done wrong then that means she really wants to do right The good thing I find about positive training is the mindset that the dog is NEVER wrong, its just being a dog and its your fault that you either wernt clear in what you wanted, werent motivation enough or didnt read the situation properly I 2nd control unleashed - its fantastic Instead of wanting her to change overnight how about pick one or two behaviours - how about the door opening? Then 3 times a day - for 2 min a time - have her in her crate with a handfull of treats, have the door opend a tiny fraction and reward her BEFORE she gets a chance to react, reward lots and open the door a tiny bit more and reward like crazy - then stop training and have some fun - back to training in a couple of hours In a few weeks (prob much shorter) if you work up slowly then she will see the door opeining as a fab signal that she is about to get treats - and will feel less stressed about the whole thing then you can be proud of her and yourself that you have made a big step forwards. Then you can think up fun ways to help her with some of her other problems - you might not fix all of them but you can all have fun trying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I hate to jump into the fray here, but what I read in the first post was "For some reason, my dog has been getting on my nerves lately. The dog hasn't really changed, but I seem to have. What can I do to change myself?" And then people start saying things like "get rid of the dog" or "your dog deserves someone better than you." To me, those kinds of comments don't seem responsive to the first post, in which I read a request for how the OP could alter her own perspective, so here goes. In subsequent posts, I'm getting the sense that the OP does not have adequate training skills to make progress with the dog, who she described thus: "just an overly enthusiastic dog". I have one of those - scary smart but enthusiasm over the top, way over the top - and they are hard to train, in exactly the way she described. I have pretty good training skills, but I just couldn't seem to figure out how to keep this dog calm enough so he could learn, and I too have been waiting years for him to "grow into his brain." Even the slightest reward (e.g. barely murmuring "good dog") sends him over the top, and he throws his whole body at me in appreciation. "Control Unleashed" and "Click to Calm" are good books for learning how to teach dogs like this, but I still wasn't really making progress until I asked a trainer I respect for a private lesson, in which I asked her to show me how she would work with this dog. What she did was demonstrate how to keep him calm, reinforce that calm behavior, and generally change the whole tenor of the training session, yet still reward as needed. How she did this isn't important here as it is specific to the dog in question, but I was a major breakthrough that now I know how to train him like this. Suddenly we are making huge progress, and it feels GREAT. So you might want to find someone to teach you some more advanced training skills. Don't approach it as "please fix my dog" (that brings out the dominance-based trainers in hordes) but as "please teach me how to communicate better with my dog." You should also work on the resource guarding, but one thing at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda-pop Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 I haven't read the whole shebang here but: If you've found yourself being more annoyed by her lately and it seems she has been getting more "annoying" then she may be amping up what she believe are people-pleasing behaviors to ingratiate herself to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbfoley Posted October 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Thanks everyone again for the advice. When I got home from work Friday night I went in and sat on the floor with Ebby for about 45 minutes, loving on her and telling her how sorry I was for my attitude and behavior for the last several months and especially of late. Yesterday morning we went for a walk and then last night when I got home we played outside, just her and I for a while. This morning we again went for a walk, just the two of us. I feel like, between figuring out the likely cause of my problem and talking it out on Friday that the "fever has broke" so to speak. I have felt none of the previous anger or annoyance I had been feeling, only sorrow for my behavior towards her and the old amusement at how silly she can be. We will go on as is for a while, until I can be sure that we are back to normal, and then I might try finding a trainer to work with. Right now I just want to make sure I am back to loving her for HER, not for what she could be if we got help. She's a GOOD dog and I have always loved her. If our relationship had been like this from the get go then I would have viewed it more as people were saying, an incompatible match and that finding her a different home in that case would have been best. But she has been my silly girl for long enough and I have loved her for long enough to realize that that was not the problem, the problem was *I* was going through something that was causing the rift and *I* was the one that needed fixing. It's only been a couple of days, I am not going to say all is for sure fine and perfect but at least now there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I have renewed hope that we will be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pansmom Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Glad to hear it! Yay! Give Ebby a hug for me. She sounds like such a silly sweet thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyer Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Well, good for you. I really would pick up some of the books recommended. I have a hunch it would be very simple to incorporate boundaries around her behavior in a very organic way throughout your daily interactions with her if you had the right tools and knew what you were looking for. I don't see a "huge training" having to take place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geonni banner Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Thanks everyone again for the advice. When I got home from work Friday night I went in and sat on the floor with Ebby for about 45 minutes, loving on her and telling her how sorry I was for my attitude and behavior for the last several months and especially of late. Yesterday morning we went for a walk and then last night when I got home we played outside, just her and I for a while. This morning we again went for a walk, just the two of us. I feel like, between figuring out the likely cause of my problem and talking it out on Friday that the "fever has broke" so to speak. I have felt none of the previous anger or annoyance I had been feeling, only sorrow for my behavior towards her and the old amusement at how silly she can be. We will go on as is for a while, until I can be sure that we are back to normal, and then I might try finding a trainer to work with. Right now I just want to make sure I am back to loving her for HER, not for what she could be if we got help. She's a GOOD dog and I have always loved her. If our relationship had been like this from the get go then I would have viewed it more as people were saying, an incompatible match and that finding her a different home in that case would have been best. But she has been my silly girl for long enough and I have loved her for long enough to realize that that was not the problem, the problem was *I* was going through something that was causing the rift and *I* was the one that needed fixing. It's only been a couple of days, I am not going to say all is for sure fine and perfect but at least now there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I have renewed hope that we will be ok. Yippie! Hope all goes well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martySQ Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 "That is a possible cause as well. This has been kind of a stressful year. My grandpa died in early January, my dad had a heart attack/triple bypass in late January, Pixie died during the two weeks I was in Louisiana taking care of dad, put my other horse down due to infirmities of old age in late February, a summer full of personal problems, in August my mom called me from the hospital saying she had had an ambulance come get her and they thought she was having a heart attack, a very stressful 24 hours with her at the hospital as they struggled to figure out why she was in so much pain, last month my cousin was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks later, last week in one conversation I found out that my grandma had another stroke and is stable but basically comatose, dad got laid off and he thinks he's having the signs of early Alzheimers (grandma is advanced Alzheimers in addition to several strokes), etc etc etc. I don't remember when it was exactly that I started "training" on her and getting frustrated but it was early in the year." Well... BINGO! You are really grieving! And silly doesn't sit well sometimes with a grieving person. Acknowledge it, accept it, and feel it gosh darnit... your dog will respond. Good luck darlin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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