New Dog Uninterested in Playing

[bcmix]

I'm new here. Originally I registered in search of local herding resources, and a place to find fellow border collie fans, but my first post is turning out to be on a different topic.

 

I have a 2 year old border collie mix that I've raised since he was a puppy. He's been well-socialized and well-trained and is basically the perfect dog. He greatly enjoys playing with other dogs at the dog park, and we exercise him and pay attention to him when we're home, but he is lonely during the day when we're at work. So we decided to get him a playmate. We adopted a 3 year old purebred border collie from our humane society a few days ago.

 

All things considered, he is a wonderful dog. He gets along well with our cats, he is not destructive, doesn't bark or dig, he is cuddly, very intelligent, pretty intuitive and attentive, polite, etc. He and my established dog even get along very well. After only a day of supervision we've been able to leave them home alone together and let them out together and walk them together (we prepared for weeks of intros, but didn't need them.) The problem is that this new dog does not seem to play at all.

 

He has no interest in any kind of toy: tennis balls, plush toys, frisbees, squeaky toys, sticks, ropes, soccer balls, or anything. He also does not play with my dog. We even tried taking them both to the dog park today. The new dog greeted all the strange people and dogs perfectly politely and was completely friendly, but he did not play with anyone and did not even show curiosity when other dogs played. My resident dog found a few different playmates in the couple hours we were there.

 

My concern is that I've found the perfect dog for someone who doesn't want a dog to play, but I want a companion for my dog. Do you think my new dog can ever learn to play? Has anyone else had similar experiences they can share?

 

Thanks!

[RoseAmy]

Hi and welcome to the boards!

 

First some dogs just aren't into playing. BUT remember after only 3 days your new dog is still "shell shocked". Lots of changes for him and even if things are going well remember he is new and in strange surroundings. Give him time to adjust and you may see a very different personlity come out.

[pansmom]

Yeah, I'm no expert, but I have noticed that it is taking my Vala (new dog, adopted Monday) time to come out of her shell. It's only this weekened that she is building her self-confidence with the cats, starting to show herding behaviors with them and hesitant interest in playtime. Your new dog just may not be comfortable enough to be himself yet!

[JohnLloydJones]

First some dogs just aren't into playing. BUT remember after only 3 days your new dog is still "shell shocked".

 

Yes, the experience of landing in a shelter can be quite traumatic for some dogs and it can take a good while before they come out of their shell. It can take day, weeks or even months.

[bcmix]

Ok, so I definitely agree with you all, and I really appreciate the support. The next problem is convincing my husband that this is the right dog and we should keep him and hope it works out. He realizes that if we keep him a month or two, then we're keeping him forever no matter what and he's afraid that the new dog might never play with our resident dog and that we should return him while we have the chance and try to find a new dog that will play. I know how hard it is to find a dog that is already as wonderful and agreeable as this one, which he understands, but his counterargument is that we should find and raise another puppy to be our perfect dog and then it will also play. How do I assuage his doubts? Or is he right?

 

I've attached pictures for your enjoyment. The first is our resident dog, Jean-Luc (his mom was a pure border collie, I know he looks like an Old English Sheepdog though) and the second is the new dog, Robert (pronounced "row-bear").

 

 

[mbc1963]

My dog really isn't interested in playing with other dogs, either. (With me, he wants to play "hide the squeaker" and "catch the soccer ball" 24/7.) When he was a bit younger, he would romp around the yard for a little while with the beagle up the street, but not for long. And when he meets beloved friends in the woods, he'll do a token few minutes of playing - it seems to be his way of showing he likes dogs - and then he's done, period. The other dogs just seem to annoy him after a few minutes, or maybe he wants to get back to the "serious" work of sniffing the ground and marking.

 

Maybe the new dog can be company for the old one, even if it isn't "playing" company?

 

I do agree that you can't see the real personality for a while.

 

Mary

[JohnLloydJones]

Maybe the new dog can be company for the old one, even if it isn't "playing" company?

 

After 5 months with us, my foster boy, Rhys has started to show his real personality. He has no interest in stuffed toys, but has enormous ball drive at the park. He is so focused on the ball, that my female, Senneca, teases and taints him mercilessly. She blocks when he runs after the ball, drags him by the scruff or ear and he takes it all without a hint of complaint. So even if he doesn't "play" with her, she certainly enjoys his company. Actually, it may be a good thing as two border collies zooming around the house like tornadoes would probably result in the three of us getting evicted by my wife! Be careful what you ask for.

[ejano]

Ok, so I definitely agree with you all, and I really appreciate the support. The next problem is convincing my husband that this is the right dog and we should keep him and hope it works out. He realizes that if we keep him a month or two, then we're keeping him forever no matter what and he's afraid that the new dog might never play with our resident dog and that we should return him while we have the chance and try to find a new dog that will play. I know how hard it is to find a dog that is already as wonderful and agreeable as this one, which he understands, but his counterargument is that we should find and raise another puppy to be our perfect dog and then it will also play. How do I assuage his doubts?

 

I've attached pictures for your enjoyment. The first is our resident dog, Jean-Luc (his mom was a pure border collie, I know he looks like an Old English Sheepdog though) and the second is the new dog, Robert (pronounced "row-bear").

 

 

 

My husband was a non-believer too -- we adopted a second BC about a year after we adopted Ladybug because two BCs if its the right mix, are generally happier than one alone...

 

Ken was convinced that the two dogs (male and female, neutered and spayed respectively) would never get along because it was such a commotion when Scotty came into the house. He had a few "issues" and Ladybug read him the rulebook pretty quickly. Within an hour, she bit him so hard, he sat down and cried. After that she was cool to him, but accepted his presence. He really was a gentle giant but he'd been allowed to terrorize his previous owners. He was also a BIG dog -- over sixty pounds. It took about six months for Ladybug and Scotty to really trust each other enough to play "sheep and wolf" for example - but but by the time he died two years later, they were best friends. Now, she's starting to see that the pups at five months are ready to play more adult games, but they don't quite trust her not to correct them so they hit the deck whenever she initiates play. But it will come.

 

It sounds like you have a really nice dog.It will work out....but be patient. Think of how long it takes for people to meet and trust a new friend...dogs really aren't that much different.

[Anda]

No advice here, but yes, some border collies are just not into playing with other dogs. Mine is like that - he plays with us non-stop (if we allow him), but he never plays with other dogs - and we go about once a week to dog parks - but just for the off leash exercise, since he doesn't do too much interaction with the other dogs there.

[Dalesred]

I agree with what everyone else has said. First, your new boy may take a while to come out of his shell. Also, some dogs aren't all that into playing. Both of mine, though perfectly polite, don't really interact hugely with other dogs. But they are definitely companions,and very close even if they don't 'play' together all the time. Also your resident dog may need time to adjust to teh newcomer and start initating play. There's also a strict hierarchy at work with Meg as senior dog and teacher of all the secrets of dogdom to the young lad! In fact my household may be one of the very few where the resident BC is not top dog! They both love love love to play ball and frisbee with me, however.

 

I remember it took me several months as a novice dog owner to realise that Meg, my rescue girl, needed to be 'taught' how to playfully interact with me. (Though on our very first walk, she stopped and looked up into the branches of a tree and looked back at me and smiled, then ran on to the next, and did the same thing. I said 'where are the squirrels, Meg?' and ever after that when walking through woodland, she'll do the exact same thing and look back at me, grinnning, for a response. It's like a private joke! So I think she was just waiting patiently for me to catch on!) Above all, give it time - three days is not very long at all, especially for an intelligent and sensitive dog. I really don't think it's grounds to take the dog back to the shelter.

[Journey]

Ok, so I definitely agree with you all, and I really appreciate the support. The next problem is convincing my husband that this is the right dog and we should keep him and hope it works out. He realizes that if we keep him a month or two, then we're keeping him forever no matter what and he's afraid that the new dog might never play with our resident dog and that we should return him while we have the chance and try to find a new dog that will play. I know how hard it is to find a dog that is already as wonderful and agreeable as this one, which he understands, but his counterargument is that we should find and raise another puppy to be our perfect dog and then it will also play. How do I assuage his doubts? Or is he right?

 

First off, I don't agree with getting a dog just to be a "playmate" for another dog. That's mean and very unfair to both dogs. I know many border collies that will not play or will only interact with their own housemates. You say you have only had him 3 days, I feel sorry for this pup. Shell shocked from the shelter and your comments above are very disturbing. Did you and your husband really "want" another dog? Did you think this through? Honestly, you might be more fair to this dog by taking him back and getting some interactive toys for your established dog to play with while you are gone during the day. Sounds to me like you wanted him only to play with your dog and since he can't possibly do that in 3 days it's time to trade him in.......what a sad situation it sounds like he landed in.

[Laurelin]

I have had a dog that just didn't play ever in his life with people or with other dogs. Some dogs are just like that. Good dog, just chose to sit and watch games. But he loved to run with me and chase me. That was about the extent of his playing.

 

My current oldest dog doesn't play like 'normal' either. She has zero interest in toys. Rarely she'll play zoomie with the other dogs and when she does she plays in a completely different manner than they do. They chase each other like lunatics whereas she will circle and nip their heels very deliberately (she's a papillon btw). She absolutely will not play with a dog she doesn't know and trust. It took weeks before she even played once with my other dogs. I got the new pup and although they don't play often, they're buddies. they're snuggled together right now. I hoped one benefit would be that they would play but they don't that much so 99% of playing with the puppy falls to me.

[bcmix]

Thank you to everybody. I'm sure it will take longer than a few days to see who he really is, but like some of you are saying, not all dogs are playful and we want one that is. There are enough playful dogs out there that I'm sure there is one for us.

 

I don't think it's wrong to want a canine playmate for a playful dog and I do think it merits more time to see, but more time also means more attachment, and that is the fear. We think it would be less hard on both us and the dog if we return him sooner rather than later. Otherwise, we are stuck with a dog that does not want to play with our playful dog.

 

We've been thinking about a new dog for two years now, and we do more with our dog when we are home (agility, obedience, hikes, jogs, bike rides...), so we definitely want a second one. But we realize we only have space, money and time for two, so that second one has to be the right dog.

 

I just want to know how long until I will know if he is the right dog and what are the chances of him turning out to be the right dog, based on your personal experience with other rescued border collies.

 

Thanks Again!

[Journey]

Good grief, take the dog back and be fair to him. There is no perfect dog and there is no way for anyone to put a time frame on what you are asking. You are not looking for a dog for you and your husband, you are looking for a toy for your other dog. Just think, this pup from the shelter is stuck with you and all your expectations that he cannot live up to.

[RoseAmy]

Well I must say when I read Journey's first post I thought they were a bit harsh, but now I must say I've changed my mind. In 3 days how can you expect a new dog to settle in and feel at home and show it's real personality. In 3 months it may turn out to be the dog from hell.

 

No matter what dog you bring home it will be several weeks if not months before you see the "real dog". Also you say the 2 dogs are getting along well, to me that's a great start. Remember the new dog has entered your first dog's home and it could be that your first dog is sending signals to the new dog..Im a good dog so I won't eat you up BUT don't try and get chummy with me.

[Carlasl]

I disagree that it is wrong for one of the preferences in adding a second dog to a family is that the second dog be a playmate for the first dog. You are right not every dog wants a playmate but the OP's dog DOES. I have a dog like that she LOVES to play with other dogs. It is absolutely a consideration that a furry addition to our family would be a companion and playmate to Skye (not the only consideration but it is a big one).

 

Border collies are a funny breed when it comes to canine companions though, most that I have been around prefer human interaction over canine, many like to play with other dogs, but there are also a significant number that want to have nothing to do with playing with another dog ever.

 

The problem here though is that it may take a LONG time for your new dog to learn to play with toys or another dog, and it may never be quite what you are looking for, but it may come out of its shell and be the perfect companion for you and your dog, it is just impossible to know in three short days. My last foster HATED Skye, it took two weeks before she stopped trying to eat her, and then one day they just started tearing around the house playing. She never played ball or frisbee at my house, but once she was in her forever home she plays ball and frisbee like a champ. It really does just take time and effort most of the time.

 

If you do decided to take the dog back and you still want a border collie, I would highly suggest you go to a rescue organization that has had a dog in foster for a while and can tell you if the dog likes to play with other dogs, since it seems like that is very important to you (and I understand).

[Laurelin]

My thoughts...

 

If you return this dog what happens if the next dog you get tries to chase your cat or has some other undesirable trait? The odds of getting a dog that fits in as easily as you described this one and is everything you want are slim. Most the time there's adjusting and problems. I suppose you'll have to prioritize what you want from the dog. If playing is that important then I agree, maybe he's not the dog for you. But you describe your first dog as perfect.... you're not going to find a clone of your first dog no matter how hard you try.

 

Also, there is no way to know a dog's true personality from a shelter environment, especially sensitive dogs like bcs. I've worked in shelters a long time and border collies truly react much poorer to that kind of situation than many other breeds. It may be weeks or months before the dog settles. Issues could arise or disappear in that time frame you never know.

[Laurelin]

double post, sorry

[Journey]

But if you want to attack me, do it personally, via private message, don't grandstand on the thread. If you really have concerns about the situation, then feel free to ask me more about it before making judgments.

 

First off, those that know me know I care about the dogs and I will say to your face what I have said here.

 

These are things "you" have said;

 

There are enough playful dogs out there that I'm sure there is one for us.

 

After 3 days you "know" this one isn't? Please tell me where you learned to read dogs so quickly?

 

Otherwise, we are stuck with a dog that does not want to play with our playful dog.

 

Touche' as I said, he's stuck with you too and he can't live up to the expectations so he will not be "perfect" in your household no matter how good of a dog he is.

 

We think it would be less hard on both us and the dog if we return him sooner rather than later.

 

Honeymoons over, time to trade him in before you're stuck...

 

The next problem is convincing my husband that this is the right dog and we should keep him and hope it works out.

 

So, is this not a mutual family agreement on keeping/returning him? For a dog to be welcomed in a home he really needs to be welcomed by all.

 

He realizes that if we keep him a month or two, then we're keeping him forever no matter what and he's afraid that the new dog might never play with our resident dog and that we should return him while we have the chance and try to find a new dog that will play.

 

Gosh, who knows what he'll be like in a month or two. You won't find out though will you? You expect too much too soon. No where in this thread have I read about the pup and his interaction with you. Yeah, you spoke highly of him and his manners, sort of glossed over it, your main contention is that he won't play with the established dog, gee, not how much you like/love him, just complaining about what he "doesn't" do....like I have said repeatedly, I feel sorry for this dog and any future potential dog that you may bring home to try out as a play toy for the established dog.

[Maralynn]

I think you're reasoning of getting a BC is rather unfair to the dog who you've just gotten. BOrder Collies nortoriously would ratehr interact with people over dogs. If you want a breed that will play with each other, then a Border Collie isn't really for you. My two dogs don't play with each other except for a game of chase now and then. They are focused on doing things with me and if they go out ahead of me they sit and wait outside the door waiting for me to come do something with them.

 

And it took my 2 dogs about 6 weeks of living together for them to really figure each other and their respective places out.

[bcmix]

That was very nice Journey posting my private message I sent to you in the forum. So much for the word "private".

 

Thanks to those who took the time to actually answer my question and for the helpful information and advice. But this seems to be a place with too much vitriol and judgment for my taste. Bye.

[Pearse]

Thank you to everybody. I'm sure it will take longer than a few days to see who he really is, but like some of you are saying, not all dogs are playful and we want one that is. There are enough playful dogs out there that I'm sure there is one for us.

 

I don't think it's wrong to want a canine playmate for a playful dog and I do think it merits more time to see, but more time also means more attachment, and that is the fear.

 

Can I just say that your dog may not need a "playmate" to appreciate having a companion.

 

I have two male dogs. They don't "play" with one another but there is no doubt that they are happier having each other's company than they would be alone.

 

Dogs don't need to "play" with one another to be happy and most play less with other dogs as they get older. If they get along well enough to be left alone together after only a few days, I would count myself extremely fortunate if I were you. Your next dog may be willing to "play" with your existing dog, but they may never be capable of being left alone together.

 

Count your blessings that you have two happy dogs. Don't worry about whether they play together as humans interpret playing. Be happier that they are good companions.

 

Pearse

[RaisingRiver]

If could be the resident dog is sending signals to the new dog that he doesn't want to play - even if the resident dog normally plays with other dogs.

 

I'm not sure why your dogs didn't meet at the shelter to see how they interact. Or maybe they did and didn't play there either.

 

My pack of 4 doesn't play with other dogs outside their pack. And when I brought dog #4 home (Aero), one of my dogs (River) hated him for 4 months, bared her teeth when he came near. After the 4th month, she invited him to play and they've been fine ever since, tho it's the 2 (Diesel/Aero) boys that romp/play at least twice daily. And River still hardly plays with any of my pack, preferring to lounge around until I come find her to play fetch which is her idea of the best time ever.

 

No idea why anyone would get another dog for their dog to 'play' with. If you want a 2nd dog, fine. If you want a dog that gets along with the resident dog, ideal. But I'm friends with plenty of people who love to go out dancing but I don't want to. But we're still friends, we still love each other's company.

 

And most importantly, you want the new dog to bond to YOU, not the resident dog.

[SoloRiver]

I have three Border Collies and my first was a difficult dog who does not get along with most other dogs. Like you, I was very concerned that the second dog be the RIGHT dog so that she would get along with both of us, but the second dog was chosen primarily for ME, not for my other dog. If the two of you don't really want another dog for his own sake, it makes more sense to return the current dog (or foster him for rescue) and for your current dog to remain an only dog. You say he loves going to the dog park -- a lot of perfectly normal dogs don't -- so it sounds like he's getting plenty of interdog interaction anyway.

 

The second dog I eventually chose (after having a rescue foster-with-option-to-adopt who did not work out because she decidedly did not get along with my first dog) was perfect for our situation and enticed my first dog to play often, something that he pretty much never did with other dogs. However, over time they played less and less, and are now more like the stereotypical old married couple who just live together seamlessly but rarely directly interact. I don't think this is a bad thing, and I know they both benefit from living with another dog, but you should understand that dog relationships change over time and even if a new dog plays with your current dog at first, he may not always do so. So, if you don't really want another dog for YOU, then I would not get another dog if I were you.

 

I agree with previous posters who have explained that it is impossible to know what a new dog is really like in three days. He may be a playing machine, for all you know. If you return him and get another that plays right away, in another month or two that dog may not play with your current dog. If this sort of uncertainty is not acceptable to you, it is best not to get another dog. Your best option would be to adopt a rescue of known behavior/temperament who is known to love playing with other dogs, but that is still not a guarantee that the new dog would want to play with your current dog.

 

It's also quite possible that you could raise a puppy and still not end up with a playmate for your current dog. My third Border Collie has been with us since she was 7.5 weeks old, and while she played with my second dog quite a bit while growing up, they are no longer friends (they get along, but compete with each other for status so they are not buddies and sometimes fight) and she has never played with my first dog, preferring to avoid him.

 

Bottom line is there are no guarantees. If you end up with a playmate for your first dog, I'd consider yourself lucky, but you really need to want the second dog for his own sake to be fair to yourselves and to the dog.

[Blackdawgs]

I agree with the other posters and also want to add 3 things.

 

1) Because the new dog came from a shelter environment, it is possible that it is getting sick.

 

2) If you want to compete in dog sports, it is important that the dog work with you in the presence of other dogs. If the new dog bonds with the old dog rather than you, there will be big problems later in a sports environment.

 

3) I don't think that it's safe to leave a new dog unattended with other animals until you have gotten to know the new dog really well and until your old dog has adjusted to the new comer and until you have really observed how they will interact.