OT - Husband 1.0 (chuckle for the day)

[Hector]

Subject: Installing Husband 1.0 Software

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed, Desperate

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Desperate:

 

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

 

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

 

Good Luck, Tech Support

[KrisK]

Thanks for the chuckle!

[bskeeter]

Thanks, that gave me a laugh that I needed today.

[INU]

That was GREAT!!

[karrie]

LOL

[Mr_Tiki]

Very very funny!

I just past it to a colleague and he gave me its counter part:

===================

UPGRADE

Wife 1.0 Software

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

 

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

 

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can?t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I?m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn?t work on Wife 1.0.

 

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

 

REPLY:

 

Dear Troubled User:

 

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

 

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

 

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

 

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.? I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application ?Yes Dear? to alleviate software augmentation.

 

The best course of action is to enter the command

C: APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

 

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

 

WARNING!!!

 

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

 

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[Hector]

LOL. That's really good, Mr. Tiki. There had to be a counterpart so I am glad to read it.

[silhouettestable]

I haven't yet heard of a doggy version, but here's a horsey one:

 

Dear Tech Support:

Recently I purchased and installed Horse 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run Clean Stall 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed with Horse 1.0. Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Horse 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Monthly Shoeing" and "Winter Blanket". Periodically I'l get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Horse 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall Horse 1.0 numberous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!

 

THE REPLY:

Dear User:

Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Horse 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program". It is not - it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by it's creator to run everything!

A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Horse 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C:/HIRE HELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labelled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup.

A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial. Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:/Carrots and C:/Scratch Ears on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.

Sincerely, Tech Support

[Mr_Tiki]

Originally posted by silhouettestable:

I haven't yet heard of a doggy version

Here is a doggy version.

I quite like this:

it is important that you run C:Chin Scratch and C:Belly Rubs on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly.

 

 

==============

Dog 1.0

Recently I purchased and installed Dog 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run Walk 2.0.

 

This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Poop 8.5, however they auto-installed with Dog 1.0. Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Dog 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Monthly Nail Clipping" and "Special Treats".

 

Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Dog 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall Dog 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!

 

THE REPLY: Dear User, Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Dog 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not. It is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Dog 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better.

 

If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C:HIREHELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup.

 

A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial.

 

Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:Chin Scratch and C:Belly Rubs on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly.

 

Many Dog 1.0 users have found that the Dog operating system runs better in upgrades Dog 2.0 and Dog 3.0. Some have even gone to Dog 6.0 with wonderful results. If you continue to have problems with Dog l.0, I suggest that you consider upgrading to one of these other programs.