Concept of dogs as "best friends"

[afrancis]

After reading the thread on young Diesel (given up because owner was moving to a no-dogs-allowed accommodation) and thinking about what the OP said about his dog no longer being his "best friend" because he had been usurped by his fiance, it got me to thinking about the notion of your dog being your "best friend."

 

A friend of mine got a shelter dog last year and her son expressed his wish that this dog be his "best friend", i.e. go everywhere with him, listen to his every word, put his head on his lap when he was feeling low, just like their childhood lab had done. After they had had this dog for a while, he was really dejected that this dog was not what he had hoped. But the reality is that his mother walks the dog, feeds the dog, talks to the dog, etc. He's a teenager and I think the term "instant gratification" comes to mind.

 

When I got my first dog Riley, as I left the shelter with her, I remember my legs actually being wobbly because the full impact of having just adopted a dog hit me. I hoped this dog would be my "best friend" and that I would do right by her. I spent the car ride home talking to her, asking her what she wanted to talk about and hoping that she would be happy. Before you laugh, keep in mind that she was my *first* dog after a childhood of adopting ants, bugs, gerbils and anything else I could find.

 

What allows a dog to become a "best friend?" I can think of things that help. Esp with bcs, who are so responsive to conversation and activity. Teaching them language, so they actually understand what you mean (even though the head-tilt is still a requirement ). If that special dog grows into a companion that anticipates your requests, and in turn, you understand its limitations. Can your "best friend" dog also disappoint? What if you got him/her to be a working helper or flyball dog or family dog and he/she ends up being scared of loud noises so cannot work sheep, or a ball guarder so can't be around other dogs with balls, or is fearful or unpredictable with children? Many dog-owners in the last category give up their dogs instead of accepting or working to help them overcome their anxieties. I wonder how many "best friends" have been abandoned in this way. And then again how many "best friends" have been kept but allowed to differ from our expectations of them.

 

I believe that allowing a dog to become a "best friend" requires a fine balance of acceptance and loving but firm discipline. We have all seen dog owners who treat their dogs like little people who get away with murder because they don't want their feelings hurt. Others who accept bad behaviour because they say, "It's only a dog -- it's what they do." Others who consider the time and consistency required to train or re-shape behaviour too onerous or just not important.

 

I have to echo others opinions around Diesel's situation: dedicating yourself to your dog(s) and its safety, health and happiness has to be mandatory. If you're cavalier about your dog, he/she will never be your "best friend."

Ailsa

[Ms.DaisyDuke]

Interesting topic Alisa. I don't really consider Daisy my "best friend" per se. I mean we have a wonderful connection, definately. It's more her and my BF. When I look at those two together I can't help but think of all those pictures with the little boy wearing a straw hat by the fishin hole with his trusty dog sittin right beside him. They are best friends. Yes, she's my dog but I am ok with that. I have her respect and loyalty, I'm the one who feeds and trains her. She definately listens to me better, but he's her best bud, you can tell! I had HUGE expectations for her when I got her. She's a BC, why wouldn't I?! I will still try her with agility after her reacivity classes, but if it doesn't work and she's always afraid of new things, that's ok with me to. We love her for who she is. I guess it's a give and take relationship and best friends have that too. I find it very difficult to think about, but if I hadn't have gotten her, she would have been bounced from home to home by now becuase she does have issue's and there aren't enough people out there who are willing to give it their all for a dog or cat or anyother animal for that matter. I don't think this type of relationship happens with every dog you get either. I think it's the same type of idea as meeting the right person for you. Sure you can have multiple dogs, but there is always one that you have a different bond with. It is easier with BC's, I agree, they are very attentive to you, I think that helps.

LOL. I don't even know if this made and sense...people wouldn't stop calling me!

 

julie

[SoloRiver]

For me and Solo, it was like falling in love. Once you're in love, the specifics of what you thought you wanted don't matter anymore and you accept the other for what he or she is.

 

I don't think it's possible for any old dog to end up being your best friend. Just like with people, personal chemistry matters. I have two other Border Collies, but neither of them is what Solo is to me. I will be looking for another Solo for the rest of my life.

[vanillalove]

I agree that a dog as a "best friend" does require a certain balance of firmness and discipline. I mean, it's like having a child in that sense.

 

Whole heartedly, Petey is my best friend, he may even surpass that definition. Sure, he's not the most obedient and he has quirks that could drive someone up the wall but I love him all the same. I think I can call him my best friend because although we can see eye to eye, we are not equal; he remains to respect me as his master.

[esox]

I think a dog can be your best friend. Alex is mine. Yet she knows that I am the master. Funny how some accept failings in their human best friends and and won't in their dog. A good relationship between dog and master has been called unique and complex. I agree that all relationships are unique. Complex, no it's simple, a good relationship between a dog and a human is formed in love, trust, companionship, and knowing your place.

[nancy]

The first requirement for having a best friend is being willing to be a best friend. Otherwise, you're looking for a slave.

 

All I ask is that a pet be a friend. After all, I have a dog and a cat. WHich one would I pick as "best"?

[mbc1963]

Interesting topic! My dog is probably my best friend - with that crazy shadow of dependence attached. Nothing would make me give him up. It's a friendship that comes with a heavy promise of commitment.

 

I often wonder about people's "heart dogs." I've had four dogs in my life and loved them all a LOT. I certainly love Buddy in a way that confuses non-dog people. But I'm not sure any of my dogs has been that "one heart dog" that I've read about.

 

Mary

[Beach BCs]

I agree that it's like falling in love. Each love is different but just as strong. At least it's been that way with mine. My bond with Ally was instant & absolute. My bond with Georgia is very complicated at times but still very strong. She wants to be my partner 50/50. Texi has been a dream and was so easy to fall head over heels for. While Georgia would do anything with me, Texi would do anything for me.

[MrSnappy]

I will be looking for another Solo for the rest of my life.

 

And I Briggs.

 

I love all my dogs (except maybe Tweed - ha ha) but if I could have had a choice ... while I would never have been able to choose, I might simply have said "Just not Briggs. Please."

 

It was losing so much more than a dog. Not too many people understood that.

 

RDM

[afrancis]

And I Briggs.

 

...

 

It was losing so much more than a dog. Not too many people understood that.

 

RDM

 

I get it. When we lost Riley I stopped going to work, stopped eating & sleeping. Had friends coming by with solace and food. Went to the shelter and saw another "Riley" awaiting adoption. That was just weird. He didn't look at all like my Riley. "Best Friend" doesn't even begin to describe it.

A.

[Root Beer]

Speedy is more to me than a best friend. I can't even explain it. Words just don't describe it. It's like we can see into each other's souls and we are connected on a level that can't be put into language. He is definitely my heart dog - even that can't really describe it.

 

We have both gone more than a few extra miles for each other. We have shared great joy, and great pain together. We have succeeded together. We've failed together. We have shared so much.

 

He has an incredible depth to his being. It is a great honor for me to be his person.

[SoloRiver]

It was losing so much more than a dog. Not too many people understood that.

 

I understand.

 

I dread the day that I find myself walking down a path, and I put my hand down to caress the big red head that is always there right by my knee, and it isn't there, that I can't look down and read the private jokes that we share in his yellow eyes, or bury my hands and face in his ruff and inhale his warm, clean animal scent for comfort. I know that when he goes, a part of me will never recover.

 

I don't know why this dog, who trusted no one, attached himself to me the moment he met me, but he did, and there has never been anything but complete trust between us. It's been me and Solo against the world for almost eight years now. I have no doubt that he would die to protect me. Dog, child, partner, friend, I don't know what to call him, he fits into none of those categories and all of them. In the past I've referred to him as my familiar, but that isn't quite right either. My great fortune is having known a dog like him; my great misfortune is that I will probably never know another like him again.

 

if the gods bring to you

a strange and frightening creature

accept the gift

as if it were one you had chosen

 

- Jane Hirshfield, "Each Moment a White Bull Steps Into the World"

[Greylite]

I stand by my dogs through thick and thin. Shelby was my heart dog and apart of me died with her. Through that void I formed a bond with Bandit. A broken little puppy who had nothing. Though our relationship started with us both suffering our happiness grew. I love Miley and I love Spanky but Bandit is different. He may not be Shelby and I never expect him to but he and I are soul mates. That look in his eye when he sees me is like no other. I have never seen him get that twinkle for anyone else. I earned him and he earned me.

 

It hasn't been a bundle of roses. Bandit still to this day is not overly fond of Spanky. They've fought before and I sat there holding him for hours crying thinking I'd have to get rid of one of them. Being me I thought because I had Spanky first I had to stick by him but it didn't feel right giving up on Bandit either. Not after how far we had come. I live with two dogs who don't fully get along, Bandit isn't overly fond of men and has many more quirks but I wouldn't ever be able to have life without him. Until he passes he will be at my side. As will all my dogs regardless of their issues. We'll get through them together.

 

Our dogs don't give up on us when we move or are having troubles. We owe them, at the very least, the same treatment they grant us.

[Liz P]

http://www.bordercollie.org/boards/index.php?showtopic=9328

 

Duncan was my soul mate. He read my mind better than anyone in the world. I still miss him so much that it hurts.

 

Flyboy is a friend who I hold with the highest regard for his integrity and work ethic. I would not hesitate to trust him with my life and I have the utmost respect for him. Our relationship is very formal, we sort of came to an understanding one day that I would never let him down and he would never let me down. He really has a sense of honor.

 

Freya is my "girl friend." If she was a human we would do girly things together like shop and talk boys. She loves me, but she is her own dog. Freya is not the type to worship the ground I walk on. Rather, she is quite the diva

 

Sage wants to be like Duncan, to devote himself to me fully and without question, but we haven't quite figured out to read each other's minds yet (though not for lack of trying on Sage's part!). Unlike Freya he does think the universe revolves around me, which is both flattering and kind of scary at the same time.

 

Frankie is a complex dog, he has Freya's attitude, is also super loyal (more so than she is ), but then he has another side to him that I am just starting to understand. He is VERY mature and thoughtful for his age, he always has been. If it wasn't for the attitude I would call him an old soul, but that may change as he matures and learns some self control (he is a teenager right now). Of all my dogs he reminds me the most of Duncan, but there will NEVER be another Duncan.

[NorthfieldNick]

Most folks assume I have a stronger relationship with Nick since he's my working dog, but it's the mutt Lu who I have the real bond with.

 

If Nick had to go away right now, I'd be sad, but I know I'd get over it. If Lu had to go, I'd be a wreck. She's been "my dog" from the moment I saw her picture, six months before I adopted her. We understand each other. She's just "my Lu." I have no idea really what drew us together. It just is. She's not the sweetest dog around, half the time she ignores what I'm telling her, she's farily snarky to other dogs, and she's pushy.... but she's my Lu.

 

Poor Scott (the human male in my life)... when it became apparant he was sticking around, he and Lu had to come to an agreement. Lu lets him have his time with me, so long as he remembers I was her's first!

[vanillalove]

I definitely understand what RDM said, while I haven't yet lost Petey. I break down absolutely sobbing when I think of the day I have to be ripped away from him. As of now, I really don't know how I'll ever be able to cope, or ever recover from that. When everything else in my world changes, my little dog is my constant. Having him go will be losing the one thing I have always known.

 

I will probably go through the rest of my life finding another like Petey, I know in my heart there will never be one like him.

 

I'm going to go hug him now

[INU]

I am choked up here reading the posts. It always comforts me to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.

I just finished watching "Old Yeller" for the first time...making me even more emotional... Gotta get back to hugging my hairy best friend.

[bcnewe2]

A while back a friend circulated a how well do you know me sort of email thing. there was a series of questions that they were supposed to answer about you. The last ? was "If you were dropped off on a deserted island what is the one thing you would want?" Each of the people I sent it to answered that question for me with Mick. Till that moment I hadn't really thought about it. I have lots of dogs and love them each dearly. But at that moment all thier responces reminded me how much Mick and I are bonded. We know each other intimatly (not weird) our dislikes, our pleasures, our fears and dreams. We can pi** each other off, or we can make each other smile with just a look. He is my best friend, constant companion and I don't know how I'll ever make it without him.

 

To our best friends.

Kristen

[WyoBC]

It was like that for me and Black Jack. From when I first went to the shelter and met him I knew we were going to be best friends. I can remember one moment when I was walking him about a week before I adopted him. I stopped and had him sit beside me. I looked him in the eye and told him "I am going to bring you home. One way or another" I remember seeing a slight glow in his cloudy eyes when his ears perked up. It was like him saying "ok, I'm going to hold you to that". From that moment on we seemed to be best friends. Everytime I would drive up he would sit up and look for me. He never did that for anyone else. There have been many, many hard times with him. Times I thought there was no hope to help him get through his problems. Times I thought he hated me (it was the meds messing with him). It wasn't easy the first four months. But since that we have been attached. Where ever I go he has to go. Unless he can see me. He is my best friend and I hope I am his. I know I'll never have another dog as close to me as he is.

[kelpiegirl]

One of my Kelpies was sick, and hurting badly at one point. When I picked her up from the vet's she was barely able to walk, and I had lifted her on the bed so she could rest- with me. A few times that night, she woke up startled- looking for me- and then, once she saw me, she would moan a bit- she was painful. That was the beginning of our tight bond. She is my house manager (she keeps everything in order) and she is very in tune to my emotions. Lucy, who is my sheepdog, isn't like that- she is bonded to me, yeah, but not my soul mate like Kylie. But, I think more than even Kylie, it is my cat ginger who has really been my right arm emotionally- and is my rock of gibraltar when I am down- every time.

[Skyler]

Very nice topic!

 

Well, when I think back on all of the dogs that have blessed my life there is of course one that stands out above all others. Its not that the others were not loved very deeply but there is that one special dog that comes in a lifetime - like Solo and falling in love. They teach you something so deep that it changes you at the core of your being.

 

My late BC, Skyler (hence my screen name) was that one special dog who passed just last year after 13 of the best years of my life - because of him. I really dont think it was falling in love, best friend or my dog even though he was all of these things. Truth is, that doG was litterally my soul and when he passed it was litterally the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. I think of him every single day multiple times a day and just thinking about it is getting me choked up. I couldnt put a value on him because how do you put a value on him when he litterally saved my life, saved me from myself, never left my side, taught me unconditional love, understood every emotion and feeling that I ever had and let me be exactly who I was at all times with no walls or gaurd up? It wasnt a relationship; it was God sent and I mean that completely. He was litterally the perfect dog at all times.

 

How do I look at my dogs that I have now since he has passed? Its hard but they are their own dogs and if there is one thing Skyler taught me, it was that I can let them be who they are. Teach them what they must know to adapt to our world but just be in awe of what they are. Koda is now six months old and although he drives me crazy at times he is connecting with that ability to look past the superficial and into the unspoken and ungestured language. Its just the look from me that says, "I love you and you are an amazing creature" and he comes over and just makes you melt with gentle affection. Its not Skyler but its Koda...and I love him for him. I expect him to mind manners but other than that I have no expectations of him and THAT makes it beautiful. In that kind of relationship everything just falls into place.

 

And if this person said that their dog was trumped by the fiance', they never really loved that dog. If my wife had either said, "Its me or the dog" I would have pointed to the door. Its not that I dont love her but any good wife could see what he meant to me and if she truly loved me she would NEVER put that question - and my wife wouldnt dream of saying that because she's just a special kinda lady . Matter of fact, she is the one that couldnt stand to see me cry everyday 6 months after he passed and took me (no, dragged me) to get Koda. How is that for a wifee Once again, she was right and I love her for it.

[afrancis]

When I first got Skye, it was a roller coaster ride: I was inexperienced with puppyhood and was still mourning Riley. I really didn't know if we would ever become close. She seemed to love everybody and have no particular focus on me. Then, one day, she was lying next to me having what appeared to be a bad dream; you know, the ones where their legs are flailing and whiskers are twitching and they start to make funny alarming yippy noises. In the past when this had happened with Riley, I would say very softly, "It's ok" and the sound of my voice would instantly make the nightmare end. But up until this day, my voice had never calmed Skye. So this time when I said, "It's ok", and her legs relaxed and she calmed right down, all while still asleep, I knew that she was finally my dog and as I tell her everyday, tied with Riley for "best dog in the world".

Ailsa

[afrancis]

And if this person said that their dog was trumped by the fiance', they never really loved that dog. If my wife had either said, "Its me or the dog" I would have pointed to the door. Its not that I dont love her but any good wife could see what he meant to me and if she truly loved me she would NEVER put that question - and my wife wouldnt dream of saying that because she's just a special kinda lady . Matter of fact, she is the one that couldnt stand to see me cry everyday 6 months after he passed and took me (no, dragged me) to get Koda. How is that for a wifee Once again, she was right and I love her for it.

 

I'm afraid I wasn't clear about the scenario. It wasn't that the dog took second place to the fiance, it was in the eyes of the OP that the dog had become the fiance's "best friend". But even with that, the dog was given up. So, in effect, I agree -- they never really loved that dog.

 

And yes, you have a great wifee

A.

[PSmitty]

OMG, Melanie, that quote gave me chills. It says so much, doesn't it?

 

What Ben said about Lu, that's me and my Lilly.

[MaggieDog]

I honestly don't know where I stand with both of my dogs - they are so different and the addition of Z has somehow changed my relationship with Maggie.

 

Both of the girls are incredibly important to me - I'm practically OCD about making sure anything potentially dangerous is put away, doors shut on cabinets, front door securely locked, etc. when I leave the house. It's so bad that I have been known to get halfway to work and turn around to double check. I would be devastated if something happened to them because of something I did (or didn't) do. Fire and them getting loose are my two biggest fears.

 

Maggie has been with me through all my major life changes and is the reason I do what I do for a living now. She is intuitive and velcro. She comforts me when I'm down and her little antics can always make me smile. But she's not perfect; she's reactive, her feelings get hurt easily, she pouts when I spend too much time with Z but ignores me when I'm home. I hate to admit it but since Z came home I feel like we've moved apart a bit, we're not as in tune or something and it kills me. As she ages I've started thinking about the end and it always gets me choked up and I can't help wishing there was something I could do to stop that clock. Maggie is one of my greatest teachers and maybe that's why it's hard to describe our relationship.

 

Z is my comedienne and "ideal dog" (according to the list I worked up about 4 years ago!). She is fun to be around and not at all as serious or sensitive as Maggie. She can drive me up the wall sometimes, but I can't stay mad at her when she looks at me in her special way. I see great things in her future and she's already my go-to dog for demoing new skills to students. She's revitalized my love of training and challenges me to reach higher with her. Z and I don't connect on quite the same level as Maggie and I, I don't think, but it's a different, equally as important level.

 

Regardless I don't think I could ever choose between the two of them - they each share something with me that the other can't begin to reach.