Tammy525 Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Very curious about this: How many of the folks encouraging her to go are moms or dads? How many of the folks encouraging her to stay home and do what she wants have no kids yet? Is there a different response related to the age of the poster? I am asking because 10-15 years ago, I would have said, Do what YOU want to do, Natalie, and to you know where with the rest of them trying to run your life!! But now, I feel for the mom, too, and I know how short life can be. I miss my grandma so much and every day is precious with the one I have left (when she is not aggravating the life out of me anyway!) I just have REALLY different feelings about the importance of family and doing right by your mom and dad (as long as they aren't toxic) than I did a decade ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrisK Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Well, my one and only child lives in Finland and has for 8 years OMG time flies!!! :eek: Anyway, Christmas has always been the 'important' holiday in our family. They (her & her partner) try to get to Canada every 18 months or so. They alternate between Christmas and the summer. This is the 'next summer' year so I'm packing their Christmas presents right now. When they arrive in July, we'll put up the Christmas tree, decorate it...and have some small 'Christmas' celebrations. It's a lot of fun. I know that my mom (80 years old now) would love to have all her kids, and grandkids, and greatgrand kids home at Christmas but she also knows it's not always possible. You can always make up 'new' traditions. Do what you think is right for you...your mom will understand (or should, anyway) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Well, I just turned 60. My grandparents and my parents have all died, as have my husband's. And all my uncles, one aunt, and 2 cousins. My husband has one aunt and one uncle left, luckily, all his cousins are alive. But his sister died two years ago. You have no idea how often we want to ask someone something - even more often want to share something nice. It aches to not be able to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixie_Girl Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Nancy, I know what you mean! I just turned 51 and am still trying to figure out who that old lady is in the mirror! My husband and I have lost parents and grandparents, uncles and aunts. I have only my step-mom, who I love dearly and consider my extra mom! I too, inherited many photos that I have no clue who, or when. Some I know who, but not name, etc. It is weird being the oldest generation in the family! I loved my granny,(maternal great-grandma) but she died when I was only 13, I cherish the memories I do have of her. My two grandmas were very dear to me also. I have always been interrested in the past, so always hounded them for stories of the family past. I have those. I think it is very important for generations of the family to know what went on before them. It gives a sort of continuence, belonging feeling for them. I know my grandkids love hearing stories of their mom and uncle and of great grandparents they never knew. It is just a way of grounding a child I think to a family circle. Natilie, I know how you feel about Christmas! But, you must also realize that some day you will have younguns and I know the few times we went to grandparents house for Christmas when we were kids was awful! We wanted to be home! So, it may be a good time to say, hey, I want to see y'all, and I will at different times of the year, but no more, set in stone, this is when we come! You will eventually run into scenerios where even with the agreement, someone will be hurt, such as when, say a relative who had been gone for sometime was finally able to make the celebration, but it was the turn for you not to be there! And yes, life is short, but there are no guarentees! Grandma could go on right before Thanksgiving! God forbid. The point is, you can't decide to go or not based on someones *time*. You could still go in Jan. or Feb. or even Thanksgiving. It is hard, to make a decision like this, I know. But you are right, your hubby is your immediate family now, and y'all need to make your own traditions! You are NOT abandoning your family or their feelings. And like it or not, if you continue going when you really don't want to, you will eventually feel resentment. That won't be good! Remember, guilt only works if you feel deep down you did wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INU Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Natalie, If you were close to me, I'd have baby-sat Zoe for you. I know exactly how you are feeling. If you have a friend who knows her well that can look after her, that'd be the best. That would be the only way I'd leave mine behind for a week. I can't stand the picture of leaving her in a cold wired kennel in a boarding facility... Both my families (mine and his) are overseas and there is no way I can take Jazzy with me. That's why I have been trying my best to avoid going to Australia the past 3 years. (I better delete this post in a few hours before he sees it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Posted October 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Linda - I think you hit the nail on the head! I think this whole issue brought up a concern with the "schedule". Now we are probably going to be ABLE to go, but before we found out that money was coming it wasn't even really a choice... we just didn't have THAT much spare cash. And my mom's reaction really kind of disappointed me... I know it means SO much to her, but she really needs to understand that I can only do so much. (Through all of this I've never mentioned my dad - mom and dad are still very much married. But my DAD'S reaction to my news was that if I can't come I can't come, I have to take care of my family and home first. My dad, quite simply, rocks.) I'm also thinking ahead to when we have a kid or two. That means money will be tighter, and travelling will be even harder. And as much as I would LIKE to see my parents every other christmas there may be years where it's just not possible and we have to find an alternative... and I need her to not freak out (if at all possible). So anyways, I think we will go this winter, but the question is when. Maybe Christmas isn't the best idea - if we go in Jan or Feb it would probably be cheaper to fly, and we could even go skiing with my parents (which we have been meaning to do, but at christmas there is no time). I know my mom really wants us to come AT CHRISTMAS though - I think mainly because that's when her whole family gets together. But when I go I want to spend time with mom and dad, not with family I only ever saw once a year anyways! Kris - That is really sweet, christmas in July. 18 months sounds about right. It really is just so expensive to fly. As for Zoe... no, I have no friends around here. Hubby's friends aren't really "dog" people - a few HAVE dogs, but there's a difference (and even they couldn't take her, for their own reasons). Our two really did okay in the kennel last time, but... it really upsets me to think of her all alone (except for Zeeke) in a kennel like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy525 Posted October 19, 2006 Report Share Posted October 19, 2006 I hope your mom can understand that it would be better to come in January or Feb. Christmas is a hard time to travel, no doubt. And the important thing is being able to spend time together, no WHEN you spend time together. I'm glad you have an understanding dad, maybe he could get your mom to chill out. I think a lot of people (not on these boards, but a lot of people I know) get really focused on how things "should be" rather than dealing with how things are. Thinking your whole family should be together at Christmas and not being grateful for the other times you have together is an example of this. I am a reformed "should" person. Good luck, I hope your decision comes out all right, whichever way you go (now with three options, stay, go, or go at a different time!!) I know Zoe will be ok no matter what, and Oreo couldn't care less WHEN you get to be together, just that you are together at some point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Posted October 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2006 Yeah, dogs are the best! I feel absolutely horrible when I have to leave Zoe for any length of time... and she's only happy that I come home. And Oreo... she doesn't really care. "Mommy! Yay! Okay, I'm going to go chew on a bone now." Everything is taken as it is. We should learn more from them, lol. I'm unfortunately one of those "should" people too.... heh. I am still learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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